The first time I tried Kratom was over 3 years ago. I had experience with opioid but was not a regular user at that time. At first it just made me really stoned and then made me sleep. There was also an addiction that went on for a short period, maybe a week, where I was dosing it 4 grams twice a day at least. I noticed that I was in this weird depressed state during that time, and also that it seemed to have paradoxical effects- for example , insomnia, fast heart. I stopped using it because I wondered what the point was.
A year later I tried it again, but I took it with AMT. This was a good experience where I felt stimulated to go out , walk around and explore, and my body felt energetic and youthful. I never feel that way normally.. I tried it by itself as well and it , again, gave a weird mood while on it. I wondered what the point was.
This year I tried a different supplier and sampled a few strains. The different supplier's stuff seems to be better. I also dose less all at once now. The drug seems unstable because, sometimes i just feel really weird and out of it, not very sharp, sometimes i feel anxious, and other times, i feel relaxed, and really "on point", good, and I feel like my emotions have returned somewhat.
What i mean by that is that usually in my day to day life I don't really feel much in terms of positive emotions. Kratom seems to give me an experience where I get my positive/love feelings back and gives me energy at times. I also seem to be able to connect to some long-lost memories.
But it's unpredictable at best.
The thing that I like about Kratom the most is if I can get into that "on point" area, my brain actually starts having psychedelic thoughts where I think deeply about life and my imagination improves. This charging up of imagination goes into both negative and positive thoughts, but overall a lot of the time I feel like it's very insightful on some level. Like, personally I think Kratom is a visionary plant. I never really thought of it this way until this year. Actually I now think my most recent trip with it on AMT, which was actually several months ago, was greatly influenced by the Kratom without me knowing it at the time. I only thought AMT had psychedelic effects but it seems that during that time I was also having Kratom psychedelic effects. I know because the Kratom by itself does this.
Overall I've been taking Kratom for a few weeks now, and I think I need to stop. I'm having a hard time stopping but I'm not sure why. It's likely because I'm trying to self-medicate for mental illness (usually my case for taking drugs) and I want Kratom to be the answer. The reality is, it's not, though my mind wants me to believe that maybe it's the way that I'm taking it or the strain . I know that now that I'm somewhat sensitized to the drug the effects become more favorable at times.
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