This one finds that as they continue their transition into Buddhism and a more sober life, there come a great many threads that bind them to various unhealthy behaviors and people.
This one wonders how DF may have influenced them negatively. Or perhaps informed them of the true dangers of some substances. This one feels immense fear at the prospect of letting go of so many attachments, big and small.
Potentially ending friendships and other relationships, deleting files, selling and donating possessions, practicing and meditating on the nature of impermanence and non-self. Cutting off the excess fat of life. Becoming a vegetarian.
There is a bizarre wish that more things has fallen. That there was a true "ground zero" as opposed to waking up amongst a pile of attachments, possessions and more. This one knows that such a situation while allowing perhaps more simple acceptance, is not as advantageous. It would be foolish to believe otherwise.
Still, fear of returning to their youth of having no friends, no lovers and an intense atmosphere of loneliness and disconnection.
Where did my self go? Alas this one knows, it was an illusion all along. The threads that bind and hold back are cords that ring with suffering and this one longs for liberation