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  1. Camorphine
    The somber days are effervescent
    how would you know
    my dreams are so lucid
    though my eyes not show
    i want to posses empathy
    instead i obtain apathy
    everyone is here to help me
    why dont i want me

    i'm not alone. nor do i want to be.

Comments

  1. baZING
    I think this is the best one you've posted so far, by a decent-sized margin... but that's just me. I also enjoyed Stagnant Fragment(s), though I feel that this one has a deeper vibe. You know, it has that certain "je ne sais quoi." Can't put my finger on the why; this one simply speaks to be more.

    Keep up the good work.

    Also, not to be a douche, but that's not a right use of a semicolon at the end unless you are intentionally using it incorrectly for a specific reason. Even if you are, though, it's not at all clear why that would be and I found it very distracting.
  2. Camorphine
    Thanks man. And another thanks for spottin that mishap. My stagnant fragments are more like, broken trains of thought that continue to grow.
  3. baZING
    Sure, I can totally respect that. I just know that I can get really sloppy with grammar and especially punctuation when I'm writing poetry (which isn't that often, mind, as I consider myself far better in prose) and then I do this awful thing where I try to justify my use of a certain punctuation mark in a certain place until I finally have to admit it's just wrong. :laugh:
  4. Camorphine
    No worries. Have you read " crank " ?
  5. baZING
    I think I know more than one word with that name. Do you mean the novel by Hopkins?
  6. Camorphine
    Yeah.

    The
    way it
    was written
    reminded me of your
    work.

    ; )
  7. baZING
    Hah! I can totally, completely see that. I forgot about the formatting in that book.... although now I seem to recall it made it rather difficult to read a whole thing like that. At least mine is short!
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