living in a procrasti nation

By no eff eks · Aug 12, 2012 · ·
  1. no eff eks
    Nothing seems all that important to me. Not all the time - in fact usually whatever happens to be right in front of me at any given moment will seem quite important. I can waste hours doing nothing... focusing on tasks that have no purpose, feeling anxiety for the impending lack of purpose upcoming when I get done with what I'm doing. Eventually I look back on my day and think "wow, that could've gone better"...

    I always remember the important responsible-adult type things I need to accomplish at times I deem useless for accomplishing anything. Once I'm done with whatever I "had" to finish I'll be so caught up in the anxiety of impending boredom (and how to fix it) that I will totally forget about what I needed to do. By the time I remember I've thrown my attention at some pointless endeavor which begs completion before I move on. Yes, just a few more hours of watching physics videos on youtube before I find a new diversion for my attention.

    A guitar leans on the small end-table by my bedroom door. Always there to beg me to play for a half-hour instead of doing whatever it is adults are supposed to do. So we spend an hour together playing other people's songs... sometimes I think it sounds just as good as the original, sometimes better - but it's not my song, not my creation, just another distraction.

    Melodies and lyrics love to find their way into my head as I am about to drift to sleep. Nothing wakes me up faster than "holy shit that's cool I should write that down!" - "no dude, fucking go to sleep, you have to work in 4 hours. there's always time to write why do you want to do it now? what the fuck is wrong with your brain? what the fuck why does my brain hate itself.... fuck, now i totally forgot that cool lyric/melody i was going to write down" - "asshole" .... yep.

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  1. CanadianBakin
    Yeah we're a lot alike in many ways nofx, good blog!

    Your first opening sentences really rang true with me, nothing is important to me except for the menial task at hand.
  2. no eff eks
    Glad you can relate... procrastination and avoidance are probably my two biggest handicaps, although I'm aware I do it and try my best to recognize/stop it.. I honestly think things would improve a lot if I weren't stoned 24/7, but I was an absent minded and anxious procrastinator even during the periods of my life where I was not a regular drug user. We'll see what the future brings me.
  3. Toolegittoquit
    This is weird b/c I was talking to my therapist about the same thing today. I see someone for anxiety/depression-- they go hand in hand. I am a major procrastinator and can't seem to get things done unless I'm under the gun. I would much rather spend my time doing what I want to do. Today I got things done but put the big stuff off because it's anxiety provoking and can feel overwhelming. So I play guitar instead, sing someone else's song that I admire, or play poker or backgammon online, read a book, do the crossword, shop online and basically try to stay interested or learn something new. Perhaps I lack self-discipline or motivation to do certain things because they're mundane or seemingly pointless or mind-numbingly boring.
  4. no eff eks
    Hahaha... Yeah you just described my day to day life exactly. If I didn't have people pushing me to get up and do stuff I'd sit in bed all day surfing the web or playing guitar while smoking/snorting away my money rather than spend it on food or bills. Fortunately I've matured a little bit over the years and manage to self-motivate better than I used to... but I still basically ignore all the issues in my life which I imagine a normal person would take care of immediately... I'd rather play guitar and ponder existence than worry about such mundane bullshit as paying a speeding ticket before my license gets revoked.
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