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Losing another one of my babies

  1. radiometer
    Just over a year ago we lost the best cat ever, Buddy:


    Maybe this sounds screwed up, but this was the biggest trauma I've ever been through, much worse than my grandparents dying. He lost most of his jaw to oral cancer but he coped with that fine, he ended up dying of a respiratory inflammation. He died right in front of me just after I got him to the vet's and the image is seared into my mind permanently. He only lived a short time after his cancer surgery, and I've not yet forgiven myself for putting him through that.

    Now it's happening again. Our first, oldest and most dear Zoe:


    had a large tumor removed about six months ago and we've been hoping for the best, but it's metastized and her days are very shortly numbered. I'm going to have to have her put down really soon and it's killing me. I won't even mention how badly my wife is taking it. I don't think I'm ever going to put another cat through cancer surgery again, and I'm also not sure if I can handle this too many times in life. We've got two cats left in great health, and I'm not so sure if I'm going to get any more after they go.

    Many tears here at the radio household these days...thanks for reading. (Pictures awaiting mod approval I guess.)

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  1. skeeterdoo
    dude, i feel for you. i don't know what i'd do if my buds were sick, i'm their best buddy.
  2. Rainbowzz
    Aww I am so sorry.. I know its been some time since you posted this. But i bet every so often it still hurts. I think an animal passing is so heartbreaking. You always want to be with them a little longer.

    Fortunately my own 3 are still with me, the oldest is 8. But i did have an experience with a dying cat once, the ex and I were on a long drive in the country around 5 am or so. Still dark. As we drove down this road, a cat came from the side of the road straight toward the car. There was no time to stop, not even time to swerve... my ex wanted to just keep going, but i made him stop and go back. The cat was badly hurt but still ever so little alive. So I basically just sat there with the kitty, petting it and telling it that it was ok to move on to Rainbow Bridge, reassuring it that it wouldn't be in pain much longer and apologizing for hitting it. The cat died soon after, and i waited another half hour with it until I was sure it was "gone". Call me crazy, but there just came a point where I could literally feel that the cat had moved on.. Maybe thats my beleifs.

    Anyways I still think about that cat today. And i know that I did the right thing staying with him or her. no animal should have to die alone that has been with humans or other animals. I am so glad that you allowed her to have her last moments where she was used to and loved it. That is a truly remarkable thing.:vibes:
  3. pinksox
    Kitty condolences.

    SWIM is not much of a cat-person. But SWIM's daughter is; therefore, SWIM & Co. have not one, but three kitties as well two large dogs.

    SWIM has to admit that the little buggers DO have a way of growing on one. Now if SWIM could just potty-train them and teach them to play fetch, LOL.

    SWIM is glad SWIY is considering adding another kitty to their household. Caring for and loving animals is good for the soul...even if heart-breaking at times.
  4. Potter
    Now you've gone and made me cry...

    My deepest condolences.
  5. hh339
    My cat dying is my worst nightmare, she means the world to me. I feel your pain, I really do. I remember being a child, our cat died, and it fucking killed me for years! Wolf I miss you! Don't feel silly for feeling that way radiometer, cats/animals are not to be considered worth any less than humans, relatives or not! Love / hh
  6. radiometer
    ^ I can think of worse ways to go. :) Thanks for your kind words, and to the several others who have recently posted as well.

    On a positive note - we have started looking around for a new kitty. We don't want our youngest to be alone when his housemate goes.
  7. EyesOfTheWorld
    My cousin It is a bit of a house rabbit person actually, due to apartment living (1 bedroom) a cat or dog is not really suitable, and It has taken quite a liking to the rabbits his ex-gf originally introduced, so of course he understands your sadness. He had to put down one of his babies due to the same thing, inoperable cancer, so he definitely can relate. Definitely hit him harder than grandparent's death, as losing ones gp's is expected to happen at some point while still somewhat young, human lifespans being what they are.
    Good luck and It is very sorry.
    Side note: at least the rabbit went out on a good note, It checked the vet bill and saw that the fatal combo was ketamine, buprenorphine and veterinary versed.
  8. snapper
    Swim offers eddie and mrs eddie his sincerest condolences. That really sucks and Swim can only say that Swim has gone through it as well and it is a nightmare.
  9. Politicalchalk
    The family runs an animal rescue, and we mostly work with stray cats. After a while, you get to see some messed up things, esp. questionable former-owners.

    I think it's great that your first instinct was to let the cat have the surgery, ie, you are doing everything you can to look out for your furry friend. Some people just kick them out, and I commend you for your efforts. Peace.

    It's always a tough choice as to how to handle these types of diseases. It's a good thing your cat has such good owners!
  10. bananaskin
    Really sorry to hear of your bereavements.... even though it was a while ago now, losing a pet is losing a member of the family.

    There are tears in my cat's eyes as she types.

    They are at peace, playing together in a really cool place with endless supplies of treats.

    < 3

  11. radiometer
    Yes, I think I mentioned we still have two kitties left with us. We've been toying over and over with the idea of bringing a new female kitten into the mix. Thanks for your sweet comment!

    She did indeed get lots of catnip when she wanted it. But the doctor gave her a great going away party. She initially gave her what told me was enough, of whatever opiate she used, to knock out a 100 pound dog! Then before giving the final injection to kill her, gave her that much again which put her right to sleep! I'm sure it doesn't get much better than that.
  12. cannabis-sam
    Losing cats is savage my condolences mate.

    I would give my cats a load of catnip for their last days, make sure they have a proper party like I would want before I go.
  13. helikophis
    This sounds like a really hard experience. Thank you for sharing it with us. Do you still have cats, a year later? I'm sure you still miss those who have passed.
  14. radiometer
    OK, last post.

    Zoe's resting peacefully now. The doctor was really good and the whole process took about 40 minutes. She was able to fall asleep for the last time in her favorite flowerbed. It cost a bundle but it was well worth it.

    Thanks again for reading and letting me vent my feelings here.
  15. savingJenniB
    Feel like an idiot crying . . . Bye Bye Zoe
    You led a good karma life.
    The next one will be even better.

    Blessings radiometer ~ never say no to the new cat in the future who will find you.

    Want to communicate more but, all I can find are cliches . . . embrace your wife ~ remind her that life is good.
  16. MiMoMo
    The depth of compassion within Zoe's heart engulfs your entire family with love. What a wonderful slice of life was shared by your chosing such a 'sort of unsuitable' cat companion. Know that Zoe has given her entire life in admiration of your kindness. Such is her gratitude that it teaches us about life in a way 'so much more sweet than we ever would have guessed'. My heart breaks again as I recall my own favorite's passing. Though sadly grieving, I thank you for making me feel this way. Goodbye Mademoiselle Zoe, what a miracle!
  17. radiometer
    Zoe's good patch only lasted a few days, and the time has come. She is going to be put to sleep tomorrow around 1:00 PST here, hopefully it won't be raining so she can go outside.

    We let her out in the yard today, and she was really happy about that (she used to be an indoor/outdoor cat), although it tired her out a lot, and she stuffed herself with Gerber's baby food, almost like she knew it was her last dinner. Then she spent hours on the couch with us, though she'd mostly been hanging out by herself lately. This cat is so smart it almost seems like she knows. We're trying not to cry too much but it feels so much like sentencing her to death, on top of the grief from losing her.

    Somebody was great enough to trap her and her litter of kittens from behind a Burger King, and the "cat adoption house" lady said she was sort of unsuitable and shocked when I picked her. She was a great cat and eventually so much more sweet than we ever would have guessed, and she had to have had a great life compared to what was in store for her.

    Thanks for your kind words, all.
  18. sylenth
    i feel for you with your cuddly furry friends passing & now ZOE heading for kitty heaven... i love cats & it's always so damm emotional losing them or seeing them suffer, personally i do'nt have any kids, my pets are my kids...

    BUDDY aka 'scar ear' was cute & now this grey & white kitty ZOE so adorable. i wish to meet up with BUDDY & ZOE with my past pets in the next life...

    xxx. sylenth.
  19. savingJenniB
    Yes, my Stallone * (Sylvester Cat - in my profile pic) is chanting for your sweet Zoe.

    * This cat has cost us well over $2,500 in vet bills alone and he is only 2 yrs old!

    Eats everything & then gets backed up ~
    now I'm getting pretty good at giving cat enemas! At $350 a shot, I quickly realized, I had chosen the wrong profession!
  20. Dickon
    Growltiger, our Bengal, is chirruping to try to cheer you up.