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Man Takes Drugs, Claims To Be Jack Bauer, Commits Bizarre B&E

By Basoodler, Feb 18, 2014 | Updated: Feb 18, 2014 | | |
  1. Basoodler
    Jack Bauer is known for breaking in to high-security areas, but he usually doesn't get caught stealing frozen crab from a residential apartment.

    A Seattle man was allegedly on LSD and believed he was Jack Bauer -- a secret agent on the show "24" -- when police say he burglarized a couple's home, KIRO 7 reported.

    David Stolte, 30, allegedly broke into the apartment on Feb. 9. But instead of taking anything valuable, or stealing important documents that tell government secrets (like Bauer might do), Stolte just made a bizarre mess, according to police.

    The owner of the apartment, Derek Doerschel, told KIRO 7 that he found cat litter in his sink, food thrown about the kitchen, window screens removed, a frozen pie in the oven, and a frozen crab placed on top of a bicycle kept inside a closet.

    "The crab from the freezer was just sitting right here on the blanket on the bike," Doerschel said.

    Doerschel said he found his clothes in a bathtub, and his credit cards stuffed inside a chocolate muffin, according to The Daily Mail.

    The burglarized victim immediately called police, then said he spotted Stolte in an alley beside the apartment. When Doerschel confronted the man, he said Stolte threw the victim's own peep hole at him. Police arrested the man a short time later.

    Officers said Stolte implied that he had taken LSD.

    Court documents obtained by KIRO 7 show the suspect had been contacted by police several times over the past few years for incidents including running around naked, climbing on rooftops naked, smashing a bus window, and lying in the middle of the road attempting to be run over.

    Stolte's mother, Ria Quinton, said her son is on medication for type one bipolar disorder.

    "It's progressively getting worse," Quinton said.

    She said her son is on a waiting list to see a therapist.

    "I know he would never hurt anyone else," Quinton said. "He is capable of damaging property."

    Stolte has been charged with residential burglary.

    Feb 17, 2014


  1. Basoodler
    I just want to point out that this guy is apparently bi-polar. so if he is current on his meds there is a good chance that LSD would be blocked by an SsRI or antipsychotic.

    On the other hand if he wasn't taking his meds, taking LSD or 25i could send this guy to psychotic never never land.

    Either way, his crimes were non violent and probably not malicious.. I'm sure what he was seeing had nothing to do with reality..
  2. MyLittleBronie

    This guy has got some serious problems.

    With his mental condition, LSD is one of the LAST things he needs to be messing with.

    Unfortunately for him, he'll have to learn this the hard way in a cold hard cell.
  3. Basoodler
    How do you stuff credit cards into a chocolate muffin?

    Or throw a peep hole?

    I also wonder if he beat the kids ass a little in the alley when he found him.. I mean I would have been tempted, and the police would probably expect to see ( or not see) the damage from restraining him until they finally got there..

    Had the father of a 16 year who I caught stealing in a store ask me to call the police back to tell them hr said to take their time driving over to pick the kid up.. He also had me tell them they would be out behind the store.. Cops just laughed "release him in the custody of his father, we will be up to get the paperwork in 30-45 mins"
  4. MyLittleBronie
    Must've been a jumbo muffin.
  5. Sovereignty
    I can't help but feel a little sorry for the guy, but I have to admit the line about the credit cards made me laugh.
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