Manic depression. Help me!

  1. LittleBabyNothing
    I do not know what to write. I feel like I am going to have one of my mixed episodes again. It is like doing a lot of very crazy stuff ( Like in normal manic episode, just except that these things are really bad and you are doing them in endless anger and fustration allways comstantly judging yourself)that are harmful for others witch you really can not controll and every single minute of your existence wanting to die and constantly judging yourelve. Even in that constant while when you are doing something, you hate yourself.
    Drugs just solve them down.
    I would like to end it all, but I have my significant other to whom I am not only the lover, but, despiting his popularity, his one and only true friend.I would like to die but I can not afford, hahahahahahahaha :D :D:D

    Please, really, post your advice if you have some!
    I do not want to end up in mental ill hospital in Eastern Europe once again, because it is even worse than being in prison.

    Pleade, help!

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  1. Beenthere2Hippie
    You know that you have to ride out the bad times to make it to the good. It's just more so when you suffer depression. Have you tried meds? They help my husband - as long as he takes them! Makes the demons less fierce. The ride less bumpy. At least somewhat.

    People caring, even strangers, also helps some. You keep writing and I'll keep answering and encouraging.

    Sending you good thoughts & hope for strength coming your way.

    Don't give up. Ever.


  2. LittleBabyNothing
    Thank you. :)
    I used to take meds (Chlorprothixene and chlorpromazine), but I stopped, because they made me vegetable alike and not being able to normally function.

    Today is better, because my husband saved me once more ( He must have nerves from iron).
  3. Beenthere2Hippie
    There's lots of meds to try, and even if most don't work there may be one perfect for you. Just have to have the will to try again. Glad you have a good hubs. It makes all the difference when you're loved for who you are - beyond who you are! :vibes:
  4. detoxin momma
    Im manic, i can relate, we are way too hard on ourselves.

    I think if taking meds could help you feel better, i would go for it. i understand you dont like the feeling, but like you said, going to a hospital is even worse!

    Ive only been to one once, and that was enough. is it just me, or do they TRY to make you nice and comfy in there, they want you there, they want that money.

    "here you go, big huge menu to pick 3 meals a day from.
    heres the washer and dryer for your clothes, want a nice warm blankey, heres the remote for the TV, oh, do you need a book, would you like to me inject you with some more ativan!!?? ".....

    fuck that, i wanna go home.....

    those places make you feel bad about yourself, so i would do anything in your power to stay positive and tell the depression to go the hell away.

    youre a sweet person with a good heart, remind yourself of that every day.
    look at yourself in the mirror, and say to yourself, i love me. i love me just the way i am.

    i hope this depressive stage passes for you really soon. whenever i start feeling depressed, i just remind myself how much im only hurting myself to feel down. lifes too short to feel down. pick yourself up, and even when its very difficult, try to stay positive.

    i hope you have a great christmas, and new years.....tell that popular BF of yours he should be kissing your feet, lol....:vibes:
  5. LittleBabyNothing
    Haha, mental ill hospitals in my country are far from that- they just usually lock people up in their rooms and you can not even go to WC alone, there must be someon e from personal with you, so they make shure that you do not harm yourself. So, it is not the best place to be. Been there once and do not want to return. :)

    I have tried a lot of meds, there was a time when I had to take 8 different medications 3times a day with minimum effect. So these two meds are the ones that have worked the best so far from prescription medicaments.
    I guess, I will try to get better without them.
  6. Beenthere2Hippie
    :vibes::vibes:Whatever you decide, we're on Your Side. - Group Hug!!!:vibes::vibes:
  7. LittleBabyNothing
  8. Beenthere2Hippie
    So was today any better (hoping)?
    Guess what: My cat up-chucked a bunch of the plastic Christmas tree needles from our tree that he ate when I was asleep last night. Threw-up right in the middle of my bedsheets :thumbsup: Now that has to make you giggle a bit.
    Hey, at least he didn't absorb them and got them out of his tummy first, right?
    It's always something...
  9. leo nard
    hey, i hope you're doing well!!

    i feel really depressed at the time (heroin detoxing! i pray this is my last and i won't repeat the circle of stupidity again...)
    that's why i clicked here. very good advice from the seasoned members as always!!

    i hope you overcome this quickly,
    hugs and kisses :vibes::vibes::vibes:
  10. Lady Codone
    Please don't end it. There are much better treatments for bipolar disorder today than even a decade or two ago. You don't have to stay stuck in an endless loop of ups and downs. It takes ongoing effort and vigilance, but it's worth it.

    Self-medicating is like pouring gas on a raging fire. Using drugs occasionally is fine, but you should definitely be on a good mood stabilizer and in therapy first to get your moods under control. Once you get your brain stabilized so it's functioning on an even keel, then you can think about pleasure-seeking and recreation. But your health must come first.

    Bipolar disorder is no different than diabetes or cancer. Failing to treat it is just as deadly. I watched it wreck my grandmother, uncle and now my sister, all because they refused to even try medication or therapy. It's a trial-and-error process with finding the right meds and doses, but once you do it's SO worth it.

    Best of luck to you.
  11. aemetha
    Sorry I'm a little late to this one, but I can't help noting the two medications you've listed here are both first generation, or typical antipsychotics. First generation antipsychotics have a rather nasty reputation for the kind of symptoms you've described. I'm not sure what medications you've tried previously, or what's available in your country, but some of the second generation, or atypical antipsychotics most commonly prescribed are quetiapine, risperidone, olanzapine and aripiprazole. If you haven't tried those then they might be worth asking your doctor about as they don't have the same level of zombie like side effects as the older first generation ones.

    If you have any questions I'd be more than happy to try answering them for you, I have bipolar too (not mixed episodes though) and have done quite a bit of research trying to find effective treatments, so feel free to send me a DM if you have any questions.
  12. LittleBabyNothing
    Thank you all for replies. I was gone for some short time. I am doing better at the moment and I will try to carry on without medicine.
  13. Beenthere2Hippie
    Do have yourself a good little new year, and let us know how you are from time to time, now that you and I have a full-fledged Womance (Urban dictionary's girl take on male bromance) going on. hehe.

    Sending you good thoughts & wishing you strength & resolve :vibes: BT2
  14. LittleBabyNothing
    Thank you. At the moment I do keep fighting. Useless, but, you know, I still have that silly hope. I even made a new years resolution, lol. :D Which is not typical to me, because I do not belive that in new year new life starts. I just hope to work on myself more and stop my drug abuse or at least use less, because it helps to fight my demons only for a while. I just do not know how to fight them on myown yet ( Without any substance involved).I have to learn.
  15. Beenthere2Hippie
    I somehow know that you will. Just keep on the path as best you can, and call out for help or support if need be. We're here for you. Wishing you a good one!
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