More Quotes!

By Mick Mouse · Jan 21, 2017 · ·
  1. Mick Mouse
    1. I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize!
    2. Always borrow money from pessimists.....they never expect it back.
    3. Half the people you know are below average.
    4. 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    5. 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
    6. a conscious is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
    7. a clear conscious is a sign of a bad memory.
    8. All those people who believe in psychkinesis raise my hand.
    9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    10. How can you tell if you are out of invisible ink?
    11. what is the speed of dark?
    12.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
    13. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
    13. Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.
    14. If Barbie was so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
    15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
    16. What happens if you get scared half to death.....twice?
    17. Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
    18. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
    19. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
    20. experience is something you don't get until just AFTER you need it.
    21. If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
    22. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

    And the best?

    The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard!

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Comments

  1. detoxin momma
    i like the last one, number 22:cool:

    "I go back to where i came from, to where i was before i was born, thats all" - Albert Hofmann
  2. Mick Mouse
    Here is a few more, for those of you who might be following any of my craziness.

    1. Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
    2. Those who say "There is no such thing as a stupid question".......Have never worked in customer service.
    3. Dear Paranoid People who check behind their shower curtains for murderers......if you DO find one, what is your plan?
    4. I have GOT to stop saying "How stupid can you be?". Too many people are taking it as a challenge.
    5. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 5 years in a row!
    6. My favorite exercise at the gym would probably be judging.
    7 I don't like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" get thrown around the courtroom.
    8. You know that tingly feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
    9. The next time you get a phone call from a blocked or unknown number, answer it and whisper "It's done, but there is blood everywhere" and then hang up.
    10 If I am ever on life support, unplug me. Then plug me back in and see if that works!
      la fee brune likes this.
  3. la fee brune
    Number two - YES!!!

    I literally had customers (yes, plural) ask me what an electrical cord was when I asked them to unplug it. Seriously.
      TheBigBadWolf likes this.
    1. TheBigBadWolf
      Lo! and behold!
      I have experienced exactly this when I was trained as information Technic system electronic. people don't know a cable from a wire. My trainer used to say:
      left is right, red is black and positive is negative.
      A dialectical Electricity philosopher
      la fee brune likes this.
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