1. Dear Drugs-Forum readers: We are a small non-profit that runs one of the most read drug information & addiction help websites in the world. We serve over 4 million readers per month, and have costs like all popular websites: servers, hosting, licenses and software. To protect our independence we do not run ads. We take no government funds. We run on donations which average $25. If everyone reading this would donate $5 then this fund raiser would be done in an hour. If Drugs-Forum is useful to you, take one minute to keep it online another year by donating whatever you can today. Donations are currently not sufficient to pay our bills and keep the site up. Your help is most welcome. Thank you.
    PLEASE HELP

My brothers anniversary - Hey :)

Rating:
5/5,
  1. Hey :-)
    Spent the day trying not to think of my brothers anniversary . Its been tough .

    The summer of '96 was when nothing would ever be the same again . Life lost any kind of deep meaning .. my soul mate , friend , brother , protector , teacher was gone forever .
    I still haven't really accepted it , although how it feels when one has is beyond me .. i just know i haven't and somehow i don't think i ever will . Its like living in a bit of a twilight .

    Sometimes i have wondered whether the pain left behind within those grieving (or those attempting not to grieve , or those who simply cant) could somehow transfer to a soul in some way and put them into some kind of hell . I'm not religious , i just consider possibilities . I hope this isn't the case .

    The fact that today i totally screwed up a download helped focus my mind for a few hours , but that really wasn't the intention . Strange how the universe seems to work .. i was really stressing about it .. no one else seems to have these kinds of basic PC problems .. stupid me again . Then , later , it dawned on me how much time i'd actually spent having to try work it out . Thank you universe .

    I'm not crying . Is that a good thing ..? who knows . Its kind of hard to tell if its progress or some trick my mind is playing .
    Either way , although i feel somewhat clinical , numb or whatever you call it , i would like to remember him now . He was and will always be the most precious man in my life and i am just so grateful to the universe that i was the one left to carry on and live for both of us , and that he didn't have to face this .

    I haven't made a great job of things so far . Most of the time i'm not really too sure what i'm doing or where i'm going . I do kind of have a faith though , that somehow i will end up at peace on this earth . This journey , knowing my scatter brain , will probably take me all around the world and back .. back to where i started .. and i have a slightly unnerving feeling its somewhere in me , but we will see .

    I imagine that if my brother could sense me now , he'd be shaking his head in frustration , cringing , and at times laughing hysterically . But i also know that that would be alright . It was always alright before . We were an unbreakable team until fate changed things , although i suppose depending on how i look at it , we still could be ?

    Sometimes i wonder when my death day will be . The universe certainly hasn't let me decide on that one , and that's not through want of trying . My brother certainly would have kicked my sorry ass all the way back down to earth though , so maybe that was a good thing .

    I guess when we realize those diamond souls , even if they are here for a short time , we surely must consider its a quality of time that must end , somehow and at some point . Even those 'times' fade away and i believe this is nothing to be scared of anymore . There used to be a time i would panic thinking 'OMG what if i cannot remember how he looked' .. but now , i think i realize its not about that . I haven't worked out just what it is about though .. yet .

    There will never be another biker i could put all my trust in . You lived a short while brother , but what a fucking ride that was !

    XXX sis

Comments

To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!