My cat called in sick to work today with a wicked headache that lasted until noon... so of course when her head is back to normal, she wanders into this website to feel like she belongs, as she continues her cleanse that will surely not be permanent and she struggles with the fact that at the moment, she has no pipe, as she threw it away two weeks ago and all she wants to do is have a weekend with a little bag of fun inside it... tomcat will not let this happen, so I know my cat is safe, but at the moment, my cat doesn't give a fuck about being safe, she just wants a hit.
I've sat here on DF and read a lot of stories and threads and seen the hellish journeys other folks have been through and are still walking today.
My cat is a noob, there's no doubt about it. The past six months with this drug for her have simply FLOWN BY, been a huge eye-opener plus a learning curve and I understand better now how people lose sight of their daily responsibilities while they've still got a pipe laying around within arms reach. But in saying that, my cat feels that once you've inhaled a hit of meth for the first time, you may be classified as a beginner, but the feelings you start to experience are almost one in the same to someone who has used for a longer time frame.
There is always this reoccurring theme of "the pull" that meth has on you, the way my cat and the rest of you "count down" until the time comes to use again (if you're not everyday users) and the fact that most of the meth users I've read about (and know of) have never started with meth - there have been other drugs that have led the way to "ice heaven". And, not necessarily because our lives have been shitty, but because by chance, someone has introduced it to us and we've been either uneducated enough, ballsy enough or just stupid enough to give it a go.
We're all going to battle with something though, aren't we? We all have our vices, our addictions, our needs and wants... most times in my cat's life she has considered herself extremely lucky and even now, she doesn't think she could say that she was an "unlucky" cat due to the problems she's been having with meth use. Things could always be worse. My cat has a beautiful partner, a great job, an incredible apartment and her cat family and friends love her. I know she feels bad sometimes that as "one of the lucky ones" she could let herself get affected in this way and potentially spoil everything that most people work hard for or would even kill for.
~~It's really a first world problem to have a drug addiction, isn't it?~~
"Oh woe is me, I have enough money in the bank after the mortgage is paid and food is in the fridge to spend on indulgences and I seem to have overindulged enough times to the point where I think I can't live without my indulgences any more and now upon reflection, my previously fulfilling life is not so fulfilling..."
*scoff scoff* what a crock of shit!
I find that my cat is angry and irritable lately. I know I should expect it of her. I should learn to roll with the punches while she's taking a break. Maybe my cat figures that if she stomps her feet enough, tomcat will give in and let them get high before they're due for it and my cat wins. My cat is a fucking bitch sometimes.
While I'm on the topic of tomcat, if any of you read this far, please give me YHO.
My cat wants to use much more regularly than tomcat does. If my cat had her way, she'd probably use every second or third weekend. Tomcat admitted the other night that after the pipe was thrown away, he'd be more happy with 'once or twice a year'. This freaked the hell outta my cat, I may have mentioned that nugget of info before. After some talking and crying and reasoning, they agreed every two months for now, with the view that they would cut back to the point of stopping eventually - whenever the hell that is.
If my cat never uses without tomcat and always follows his advice on when they use, and it does actually become once every two or even three months (as opposed to how it has been lately, every weekend, every second weekend and one long break of almost two months in there somewhere), do you think my cat will learn to live with this? Please understand that my cat LOVES tomcat more than life or meth and if push came to shove, of course she would give it away completely (there are resentment issues that may stem from this, albeit unfavourable ones for my cat to experience towards tomcat, but it would be a possibility, lets be real here) if it was required, BUT, while tomcat is happy to spoil his cat with what she really needs for now, will she be able to change her mindset to that of "get WHAT you can WHEN you can get it" or will she be continually dissatisfied?
Is there anyone else out there that uses with a partner and uses by "their" time frame, instead of their own "greedier" schedule?
Thanks for reading but thanks even more if you post your experience if it's similar to my cat's :-D
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My cat and her meth journey #2