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my devil makes me dream like no other mortal dreams

By una_cavaletta · Sep 17, 2012 ·
  1. una_cavaletta
    I've been a lousy sleeper all my life. I can't fall asleep, I can't stay sleep, and I suffer from all kinds of 'fun' sleep disorders and quirks like:

    - sleep paralysis: almost always when sleeping on my back, I'll wake up to feel an evil presence staring at me/judging me. The sheer terror is all-encompassing; I cannot move a muscle or run away. There's a pressure on my chest. I can't move and I panic.

    - walking in sleep: used to do this all the time as a kid, less so now.

    - talking in sleep: I wake myself up sometimes by babbling away

    - hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations: almost always a loud sound directly in my ears, like a shotgun, or breaking glass, or my mother calling my name. Just as I was about to sleep...aaargh!

    - insomnia of the can't get to sleep/can't stay asleep varieties.

    Thing is it's 2:45, I need to be awake at 8 so I can run errands, write my MA, take care of myself. But I'm up and wired and I don't want to take a sleeping tablet and miss tomorrow because of the crash.

    Sleeping tablets, I've realised, are a waste. I'm massively allergic/intolerant to OTC sleepers, and three courses of z-drugs showed me that they're pretty much useless - they only knock you out for about 4 hours, tolerance grows very fast, and aside from possible addiction and withdrawals, there is BOUND to be rebound insomnia.

    I do have my blue friends, Etizolam. But even thought I've got lots of them (hypomanic shopping spree), I'm on a NO ETIZ regime for at least a month. I'm coming off antidepressants with a taper, no point in setting myself up for another chemical dependence and longass taper.


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