My Positive Progress

By sassyspy · Nov 5, 2011 · ·
  1. sassyspy
    You know, I have been fighting this meth addiction for so long, I didn't even realize that I have actually improved my use, by using it as I need and not using it looking for a 'high'.
    Someone in chat (Thank you, B) helped me see that I have gone from a gram a day habit when I joined Drugs-Forum last March, to my current amount of .2 of a gram daily.
    Back then, I was re-dosing (smoking) throughout the day, and now, I have only the smoke in the morning and no more till the following day.
    So I HAVE improved, but it is almost as if I didn't even notice. I am so used to expecting 100% perfection from myself that I couldn't see the 'little steps', blind to my accomplishments till now. I have decreased my use by about 80% (is that correct? I am so bad at math).

    I am not surprised at myself for not realizing I had some positive result, as I have seldom accepted anything less than perfection from me.
    My focus was on quitting completely, even if that wasn't what I needed. Anything less than complete abstinence, meant 'failure' to me. I've found out though, that I feel much happier since realizing I can give myself some credit for my achievement.

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  1. frog
    I'm truly impressed. I had never heard of anyone actually cutting back (and so drastically, I might add) on stimulants. All I could ever do while I was using, was taking more of my DoC. If I could ever control myself to only take 0.2g a day, I think my drug use wouldn't be a problem, not for a while anyway. But I know I could never do it.

    Congratulations! I guess will power can play an important part after all.
  2. sassyspy
    Thank you, bobj. Yes, willpower is fundamental if I want to achieve anything at all.
    Its important to reiterate that my meth use has primarily always been about "normal functioning", for lack of a better term, than it is about euphoria or getting high.
    If I want a 'high' feeling, I'll smoke pot.
    I don't think I could have ever done more than a g a day, seems like I hardly slept then and how long can the body go on like that? Even the .2 I have on some days seems too much, but I think that is the inconsistency of the connection.
    Thanks again for stopping by, I'll be glad to speak with you more when we get an opportunity!:)
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