I hope this can Inspire others! Maybe i can help someone to get clean! Even if only one person, Then that's all that matters!
A little back round...
I started getting high back in 03. Started out sniffing then it quickly progressed to injecting. I'm not writing this to glorify. Fast forward a little, after 3 years of using and I ended up in jail for 6 months then i went to prison for 4 years. I came home and stayed clean for a few months then got back on again. I used for 3 years this time and i ended up in jail again. My worst habit was when i was at my worst i have ever been. I was using 30 to 40 bags a day and doing 4 to 8 in one shot. I was so bad i lost 50 pounds i weighed 130 and i looked like death! I was smoking crack any time i could buy it and doing whatever other drug i could get my hands on. I was so bad to the point i robbed my own grandmother who was dieing of cancer without even a second thought!!! This was back in 05. Since then i have been off and on, in and out of jail.
I am now 5 months clean! :applause: I went to jail 5 months ago and have since stayed clean. I am done this time around. Not saying i wont ever get caught up again, anything could happen. But this time i was really fed up. I lost everything i even had and my mother and girl got fucked up along with me. I actually wanted to go to jail this time because i knew i couldn't get clean any other way. Every time i tried i would get a week clean, still feel shitty and give in... I went to jail for something stupid for a 364 day sentence, i got paroled at 4 months. When i was in there i looked at it as a blessing and a chance to start over. Because i knew i would never get clean on the streets. I knew it would end up with me dead or in jail again for heroin. I knew i need this. And it helped me a lot!!! :thumbsup:
Things are great now! I know i am done now! Through all of this i met the love of my life, Jenny my love She is the most faithful and beautiful woman i have ever known. She is so beautiful and we have so much in common. I would do anything to keep her! And i know she would do anything for me. I love her for her and she loves me for me. No matter our flaws. We can be weird and talk about anything with each other. I love who she is and everything about her!
I fell in love with her the week i met her, i knew her for a year but this is the first time we hung out. The reason i fell in love with her, she helped me through one of the worst times in my life! My father passing away. My best friend! The man who taught me everything i know! The man who showed me my love, MUSIC! Showed me the guitar and how to play! I love him with all my heart and we were extremely close! I was everything to him and him me. My mother couldn't be here for me (She was away) and i asked Jenny to be here for me. After that and spending much time with her. I kept falling deeper in love with her until i knew she was the one!!!
She barely knew me, Yet she wanted to be completely there for me! She was my shoulder to cry on! She gave me her all and was even there when i had to make the terrible decision to pull the plug. She was there for me for this. And through it all i fell in love with her! And she fell in love with me. She got to know me. I got to know her, who she was, what she's likes, what she wants, what she's been through. I learned how much we have in common and how we have both been through so much. Like always being played by someone and never finding love.
She's been through so much pain. She never knew a real love by a man. She never thought she would! To this day she finds it unbelievable that a man could love her so much! Her family life is terrible. Her mother and father are extreme alcoholics. Her dad treats her like shit, always calling her a whore and hitting her. :thumbsdown: He hates me for no reason! And her mom is a good woman but she is stuck in the life with him. I think she would be a very good person if only she could get away from him...
Jenny never enjoyed holidays. Well now she is so happy with me, She got to experience what a real family is like. Christmas holidays and family love! My family is all about being there for each other and love! And she is so happy to be a part of it! My mother and her are like best friends! They love each other and my mom always trys to help and teach her! I know she would never leave me, And i would never leave her.
I'm so happy i finally met a beautiful and faithful woman! I want to have a child and start a family with her and spend the rest of my life with her. I never thought this would happen to me! And i will always be there for her and do anything to keep her! Without her, I would be broken!
The only other woman in my life is my mother! Carollee She is my rock! My heart and soul! My everything! We have such a unique bond unlike any other mother and son relationship that i have ever known. We are extremely close! I kiss my mom on the lips! We still cuddle to this day! We spend a lot of time together. We hold hands even while she is driving! We have our special things like how she holds my hand and her lil nicknames for me YES IM A MOMMAS BOY!!!:laugh:
Growing up she was the coolest mom ever! Yes she was strict at the same time! But she was alwayys there for me. My friends loved my mom! And she never held back! She would smack one of my friends for something stupid they did, or being bad! :laugh:
My mother taught me so much in my life! She taught me how to fight and stand up for myself! Shit I've seen her put a dude on his ass!!! She is a tough woman! And she doesn't hold her tongue! She isnt scared to speak her mind and say what she feels! She does what she wants! And what she believes is right!
We can talk about anything! Things you wouldn't imagine someone could talk about with their mother lol Like sex and drugs. We have been through it all together. Jail, drugs and addiction. We used heroin together for years and sold drugs. We almost died from nodding out while driving and crashing into a road sign, almost hitting the trees on the side of the road! We've been torn apart by jails and institutions. And through all of this only growing stronger! :vibes:
I saved her life! She overdosed for the first time in her life during our last run with heroin. I walked in the room after she did a bag and she was frozen. I tried everything i could to bring her back and when i realized i couldn't i called 911. They tooabout 15 minutes to get there and this whole time i was breathing for her. Holding her nose and breathing into her mouth. It was all i could do to save her life. I was so scared! The EMT's finally got there and they took their sweet time getting to my mom. I guess they thought because we are heroin addicts and it was an overdose that it didn't matter. That we are ust junkies and another one is dead! They finally gave her something after i was screaming at them to save her. I'm so happy i was there to save her! Without my mom. I don't know what i would do!!! :cry:
People throughout our life have tried to spread rumors and talk shit. Nasty and terrible things like we have sex and tongue kiss. When i was young people even called DYFS on us. I was taken away from my mom by them because they believe it. And also because she punched a cop in the face when they took me and because i was pretty bad in school and stuff I now know that the people that used to say these things were sick. Only because they ether were jealous that they never had the type of relationship we do. Or because they dont have kids.
We never let things like this get to us. I'm always so proud to tell people about my mom. Even as a kid i was never scared to be kissed or embarrassed when she was around! And to this day we are the best of friends! I would do anything on any day for my mother. I would give my life for her! And her me! I will always be there for her no matter what!
She is now clean and we our so happy! We do everything we can to support each other. Me her and Jenny. I couldn't ask for a better mom! She is the best! She is everything to me and i Love her with everything that i am! Our life is so beautiful!!! :thumbsup: :vibes:
I'm done with the drugs. I realize now that it does nothing but ruin and destroy everything that you love and know. I realize now how much i hurt the ones i love and my family! I realize how many bridges i have burned and pushed everyone away!!! It brings out the worst in people and destroys who you are! It makes you a terrible person who only cares for the next fix! You'll do anything for it, Steal from your own family and hurt the ones you love! Not caring at all about anyone else. Hating the world! KILIING YOURSELF!!! And hurting the ones who care most, YOUR FAMILY!!!
Heroin is terrible! And if my story inspires only ONE person, Than that's wonderful! I'm not afriad to share this and talk about it. I hope that this can help someone who is going through addiction, or even anyone who just needs inspiration or to hear something good. You're not alone! And you can do it! You can be clean and live normal! You can find love and be the person you were meant to be! Be strong! Always remember you can do it! You can do anything!
Always strive for what you want and never doubt yourself! Never say "I cant" Never think down on yourself! Love yourself and believe in yourself!!! Be strong and you can overcome this terrible, EVIL demon! Establish and utilize your support network. If you ever feel weak or think about using. CALL SOMEONE! Post a thread here and ask for help! There is a whole world of people who will help you! I know anyone can do it and i wish everyone the best!!!
I hope this can inspire or help someone! Thanks for reading!
Stay strong people!!!
Me, Jenny my love and my mother Carollee
I love my family! And i will always be there for them! NO MORE DRUGS!!!!!!
I love my family!!! And i will do anything to be here for them!!! NO MORE DRUGS!!!!