I see a lot of people blogging about their thoughts on existance and I thought I would join in. I guess I'm not completely satisfied with my understandings of what reality, life or consciousness is. I read theories that are fascinating, and strike chords with me, but I never read into enough depth or gain a true understanding in my head. I read Kerouac for example, and so the Buddhist concept of "the void" made me interested to try and learn more about it, and ponder upon it, like various other ideas. On one level, I do develop an understanding, but it never seems to be enough, it always seems like theres something more, that I need to bridge a gap and truly grasp what reality is.
It's frustrating really, I often spend lots of time contemplating various nuances and ideas, trying to get that understanding. Then so often comes a spark, a brief instance where I come up with something that makes perfect sense, or get a complete understanding of a concept. But then it's gone, and all thats left is a memory of the understanding and a doubt as to whether it ever happened at all.
This idea didn't come from one of those sparks of understanding that I sometimes have, but it is the only idea that I have come up with by myself without prompting from things I have read or looked up.
I think back to my first memories, and all the memories I have had since then, and as diverse as all of those memories are they are all based on the same thing; sensation. All of my memories are of me doing something, seeing, smelling, tasting or hearing something. All of my memories are entirely based on physical things, as are all of my thoughts. I think about the keyboard in front of me, I think my plans for the future and I think about getting some cereal. Everything I think, everything I remember, and thus my whole consciousness seems to be based on physical interactions and sensations caused by those physical interactions, and, dig as I can, I struggle to find anything deeper, any true meaning beyond the physical.
Everything we do based on sensation. We work to got money to pay for the food we eat, which keeps us with the sensation of fullness. We help the injured to keep them from the sensation of pain, and depending on how cynical you are for the possibility of getting sensation payback at a later date. In exactly the same way as with every other action, people take drugs for the sensations that the drug will bestow upon them. Are we just incredibly complex robots responding to physical stimuli in ways that will give us the sensation that we want? We know that our brains are made up of matter, so is that all our thoughts are too? Just pieces of matter interpreting interactions with different pieces of matter in the form of sensation?
This isn't an idea that brings clarity, just one that adds to my frustration. I am an atheist, so I have to try and come to terms with what existance really is, and work out the answers for myself, which is so difficult because I am part of the question. Surely there has to be more, something beyond physical interactions, or at least a reason for all this matter and physical interaction to exist (if indeed it does)?
I know that I am just going to have to keep looking.
Well, there are my thought on reality and details on my searches for answers. I hope I made myself clear enough to understand and that this didn't appear to be a load of gibberish I wrote in an attempt to get deep when instead I should have been getting to bed :laugh:. Either way, it feels good to write all of these thoughts down.
That's it from me and my first blog entry. goodnight everybody.