The tentative plan is to take a bath tomorrow after work. But not really. I'll be able to sit in there and get high. Hopefully.
I pretty much suck at smoking. I'm practicing but it's like, I have marginal success because I'm trying so hard to be careful and not burn the product. And then I got this new pipe that has thicker glass and a swirly design in the glass as well and it's not anything like the last one I was practicing on so I'm even less successful. Sigh.
I might try using a torch lighter but that's totally new territory for me. I wonder about a lighter that is somewhere in the middle. More than a Bic but less than a torch. I don't know if such a thing exists.
I've been wondering about other places I could go and get high. I'd take too long in a public restroom stall... at least too long for my comfort and fear level anyway. I tried it a couple of tomes and it freaked me out too much. I'm such a fearful person as it is and adding illegal activity and possibly extra paranoia, it isn't doable for me in a public restroom.
Okay so what if I drove somewhere and parked and got in the back of the vehicle? The back is tinted and the seats are collapsed so I could sit on the "floor" and be less visible. But where to park? Unless it's the middle of nowhere the worry of being seen still would make me crazy I bet. And there's no "middle of nowhere" near me. Way too far to drive for that.
Maybe a parking garage? Might work for a bit but they do have those bicycle security guys I'd have to look out for. But it's an idea...
Ideally I'd like to have my own place where I can relax and practice and fuck it up and start over for as long as it takes. In the comfort of my own home. But I don't have my own place.
I wish there was some way to lure my family out of the house for a few hours/days lol but that's pretty rare. Homebodies.
So in the bathroom it is. And I won't be a dumbass this time and leave the dope in there on the counter. I'm so embarrassed about that.
I'm looking forward to it. Thinking about maybe getting ANOTHER new pipe that's like the one that I had better success with. Or a torch or some other kind of crazy lighter device. Maybe I'll stop at a head shop after work. It's just always so awkward for me in there. I never even used to buy cigarettes there because I felt I was being stared at.
My ex has come down with some kind of cold or something, she says. I'm worried she's not taking care of herself, using too much, or goodness knows what else she's doing. But what can I do? Nothing. Tell her I'm here if she wants to talk. I suppose if it really really really got to a scary place for her I would contact her family but that's not something I could do unless I seriously thought her life was in danger. She'd never ever forgive me. For now it's a cold. So I'll just have to see what happens.
I always worry about stuff happening amd usually nothing comes of it so hopefully this will be like that.
And besides, what kind of hypocrite am I that I'm right there with her using. And not having a clue what I'm doing. Messing around with meth. This is way out of my league. But here I am, doing it. If I was someone else I'd definitely be worried about me. But it is what it is, I guess.
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