New Year, Perhaps a few changes.

By LuLu81 · Jan 4, 2015 · ·
  1. LuLu81
    I'm only making a start to this blog, to get it underway before i forget or perhaps cant.

    I've been a heroin addict for 15 years and prescribed Methadone for 9 years. For the last 5, i have been using on top, more and more regularly, usually once or twice a week and I'm getting fed up. After bills (and lager for my BFs alcohol addiction), more often than not, any spare money goes on heroin.

    I'm sick of never having money for things we need. At the moment we desperately need a new Laptop, Mattress, Fridge Freezer and Oven. Not to mention other things we need but havent bought. I got £12,000 inheritance after my dad died. I spent about £1500 on things, but the rest was spent on heroin within less than a year.

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  1. Cwb20022
    Yeah lulu you and i are in the same boat. But you've seen my thread in the opium den. I get caught in this pattern of getting high, then not wanting to get high, to sober up. Just to use again. I've all but stopped eating lunch to save money. But for heroin.

    It really does lead to allot of disappointment. And depression. Then i just feel stupid. Because i know what I'm doing. I just don't wanna stop.

    Good luck lulu. Peace. And happy New years.
  2. LuLu81
    Well its now April and nothing much has changed up to now.

    Still using 2-3 times a week minimum, sometimes more as once every 4 weeks I get extra money.

    We are trying again though, which also means I'll be using even less as I often buy myself an extra 0.2g.

    So far this week: I used heroin on Monday. We get money every Monday so its rare we wont have anything that day.

    I also used on Tuesday as I bought extra for myself.

    Wednesday we didn't have anything and I was pleasantly surprised that 40ml of Methadone was enough. Usually the first day after using, I always need more Methadone. If I know I'm going to use, then I don't take my methadone that day (unless I have things to do before I can pick up, usually only take enough to feel ok) however sometimes I end up using after I've taken my Methadone, which can fuck things up if I do that consecutive days.

    So far today, Thursday. I have taken 30ml Methadone. Hopefully that will be enough.
    If not, I can always have an extra 10ml later, however I am pretty good at being able to drop my methadone down, up to a certain point anyhow. When I get to 15-20ml that's when I struggle.

    I know this is sounding like it should be in the forums, however I feel more comfortable writing here, since I'm not trying to quit completely, it also gives me a timeline to look at that might, one day, give me more motivation.

    Its not easy having a BF who also uses. He can also be a whiny bitch sometimes, asking if we can buy drugs etc.

    He's now said he wants to be more involved in planning our budget for the week. That at least means he will have no need to ask if we can afford any drugs, he'll know we cant.

    Today, we did order some heroin online. That will arrive (hopefully) tomorrow or Saturday. So using will be at 3 times this week. We have, however had weed for the most of this week.

    Might not be so lucky next week, as there are things we need to buy and its the week we get the least money.

    We will probably find ourselves in a position of having to choose between weed and using heroin twice. Which I know my BF will choose to use heroin an extra day.

    He's not as bothered about weed as I am, but he's an alcoholic, so that's probably why. I do find, if I have enough weed, that my cravings for heroin are diminished considerably, but its not often i have the amount of weed that i need for this to happen.

    I sometimes wonder if i would be better on my own. I would have more money, but would that lead to me using heroin more, way things are at the moment, its likely.

    Its just really annoying how much things are set in stone.
    Got to have money for BFs alcohol.
    Got to have money for Payday Heroin.
    Then once the bills are paid we only only have enough money for heroin or weed.

    Ah, look who's whining now.

    Will leave it here for now.
    I know this isn't really what a blog should be like, and i will probably write a proper blog oneday, but for now, i don't care.
  3. Cwb20022
    Well lulu the years not over yet. So there's lots of time. Just like you's guys tell me all the time. This won't happen overnight. That's always my problem I get frustrated to quick. As long as you keep trying you have something to look forward to. So just don't lose your goal.

    Its never to late to try something new. No matter how many times you've.tried it before. You just gotta keep trying.

    Take it easy on yourself lulu. I think your doing good trying again.

    Peace. :D
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