So - SWIM has recently been on a precipice - he transitioned into a new job. One where he has ample time to himself.
A few months ago, prior to the change-over - SWIM burned some Kratom at work. It was dangerous-feeling, exciting, fun, and surprisingly easy to pull off. His co-workers didn't notice at all.
So he started to push the boundaries - he'd crush up two ritalin pills and snort the powder in fat rails in the bathroom. He'd take kratom caps at lunch. He never got TOO high. Never REALLY risked discovery - but there was a thrill to the idea of not just sitting at his desk and mindlessly waiting for the day to be over.
Then the new job came. There's more responsibility, but also FAR less supervision. SWIM's office is his castle, no one comes or goes - his time is his own to manage.
And yet, the pattern continued - SWIM would blow lines of ritalin...recently SWIM got a little mephedrone, and that was fun...and that's when it occurred to him.
He wasn't kicking against the pricks any more.
He was just doing the drugs because there were drugs to do. There was no looming boss to show up - there was no thrill from the subversive.
SWIM's drug use had touched its toe into the clear, cold waters of "habit". And those waters run deep. Somehow, SWIM had stopped being a "recreational" drug user - and as such, it wasn't recreation any more.
Luckily, SWIM saw it for what it was, and caught the trend. But he thinks it was pretty close to being a bad fucking scene.
One of the lies parents tell kids is that they should "pursue their dreams" and "Do what makes them happy". It's an innocent lie and it gives children hope - that adulthood can be fun and a career can be fulfilling - and both of those things are true. But I know more people than I care to count who mis-read that instruction and think that the key to a happy life is to turn their passions into their work.
Unfortunately, work is WORK. And once fun starts getting mixed with work, it stops being fun.
Ask any rock-star. They lead a seemingly lovely life - money, fame, no desk, just jamming and playing and feeling good. But the ones that make it...who really make a career out of it...they're treating it like a business. It becomes work. It removes them from their friends and families. It puts them through shitty hours, riding on tour buses and barraged by noise at all hours. It's a job. It pays well, but it's a job - and a lot of the rock-star indignation comes from people misunderstanding that dynamic. Up on stage, they're at work - regardless of the drunk audience below who are at play. Like strippers, the best rock stars are the ones who convince you that THIS SHOW, TONIGHT, is DIFFERENT than any of the 10,000 other shows they're going to play in cities around the world. That's the job.
There are trade-offs to everything. And SWIM is at a point in his life where he appreciates the saying, "Don't mix business with pleasure".
Let work be work...pay your bills, contribute to society. And then let fun be fun. SWIM works in a creative field, so some measure of indulgence is tolerated (if not expected) - but SWIM thinks he's going to even avoid that level for now.
Just like SWIM goes camping on weekends, SWIM is going to reserve time for recreation and drug use. It won't become the norm - because to SWIM that's the magic of drug use - it's NOT the norm. It's different and special and is a vacation of sorts from the mundane. If it becomes habitual, it too will become mundane.
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