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Opiates of my world: An brief insight into my use of opiates

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  1. MentalState
    Here is a diary entry my best friend sent to me. It reads:

    I am a single male, 27 years of age born in the great year of 87' from London, United Kingdom. The lover I refer to is not a woman, but of course alkaloids of all forms derived from the mystical opium poppy!

    In my early teenage years, I always had a fascination with drugs and pharmacology. The first and earliest exposure to the knowledge of psychoactive drugs being in existence was of course alcohol and tobacco.

    By the time I was 17 I had used almost all of the common drugs available and some rare ones too.

    My story is not much of a happy one. I suffered at the hands of sexual abuse when I was 4 years old and the consequences this was to have on my life was not fully apparent until my teenage years.

    My first experience with an opiate was at the age of 14 with Codeine. I done lots of research on opiates and no drug fascinated me more than these drugs. Being drugs used in medicine to cure pain, relieve end of life suffering and with thousands of years of documented human use in addition to them being produced naturally by mother nature I was curious.

    On the opposing side, their ability to produce life changing dependency and most poignant of all, death they provoked an interest in me like no other.

    I remember talking to my dad at about 12 years old about an incident he had when he was young where he got into a bar fight and someone broke his jaw with a left hook! He recalled the drug he was given as being codeine in the hospital and he told me it was quite a feeling. This stuck in my mind.

    I done a cold water extraction on 10 over the counter co-codamol tablets at 14 years old and the feeling was very memorable to me. A very beautiful calmness, relaxation, apathy and above all the feeling of it being so natural not like a drug at all was just incredible.

    My next one was pod tea, and I enjoyed it very much but for some reason I didn't latch on to it.

    Due to the abuse I suffered when I was young I suffered with pretty severe depression and issues with forming relationships and intimacy with people. By the time I was 17 the depression was very hard to live with and I had constant thoughts of harming myself to end my mental suffering. Suffice to say, I am quite the MentalState indeed!

    My drug use at the age of 17 shifted from curiosity and experiences to be respected on occasion to full blown escapism from my mental suffering and sadness. I was using everything from MDMA, cocaine and lots of Alcohol and my previous experiences with codeine was forgotten.

    It wasn't until I turned 21 that I decided to try the scariest one of all, Heroin. What a mistake that was. Or was it?

    The feelings I got from heroin were memorable and life changing. It offered everything I needed. Feeling of unconditional love, warmth, apathy, calmness everything my troubled soul wanted. I had done my research on this and I headed all the usual warnings about where it could lead to but I always knew "it wouldn't happen to me".

    A part of me used to fantasize that I could end my life with an overdose of this blissful feeling. Fade out into the nod of my life from which I would never wake up from.

    It started with me being in control, using it on my terms and this kept up for many years. It wasn't until I was about 24 that I noticed it was now a serious problem in my life. I was very dependent on the escapism it provided and I went down that slippery slope.

    I woke up one morning when I was 26 and I looked at my life. Looking around my room, I had nothing.

    Everything was sold, my relationships with my family were broken and I was clucking for a hit. I couldn't face the reality of knowing that my whole twenties had flashed before my eyes. All these youthful years were gone and I had nothing to show for it but even more pain and suffering. By this point I had shifted to injecting.

    It was that day I had decided I wanted to die.

    I scored 2 grams of gear and later that evening decided to inject it all in a bid to die. I went unconscious before being able to finish injecting all of it as I only had 1ml insulin pins, they couldn't hold it all so I had to reload.

    Living in a house share, my friend found me in the bathroom passed out and naked on the floor where I must have collapsed whilst taking a piss. I don't have much memory of the events of that day. I can only imagine my tolerance prevented me from succeeding as I do remember having done around 6 of the 0.2g bags.

    Things in my life have been rough but I'm still here. I still love opiates and I haven't used heroin since that day. I decided to get my life back as much as I could away from the heroin. The waiting on street corners to score and the whole dope life.

    I've managed to stay a float using just Poppy pod tea and my life is a lot better. 40 quid a month on pods is better than 20 pounds a day on gear.

    I do still suffer with depression from time to time and my life still has problems but I'm so happy to be free from the street life of heroin addiction.

    Poppy pods are such a beautiful gift from nature and I am a regular tea drinker.

    Opiates are beautiful, powerful and are to be respected.

    Peace brothers and sisters.

Comments

  1. Cwb20022
    Dude you sound just like me. Especially when talkng about romantisizing an overdose. Although its not my goal to die. I would be.very happy to just die like that. Wtf is wrong with us?

    Good job on getting to where.you are. Heroin is one hell of an addiction.

    Peace, man
  2. MentalState
    Thanks for your comment! I don't know your back story but the abuse I had at 4 years old left me with permanent physical injuries and mental ones which are key to the way my adult life was shaped. My life is incredibly dramatic. Full of pain, trauma, anguish, anxiety and beauty.

    I had to hit rock bottom before being able to turn my back on heroin.

    Peace to you my brother.
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