Good days, bad days....or rather positive moments and desperate moments following heroin withdrawal and the journey to renewed balance.
These words below formed by billions & billions of neurons hanging on by a thread. Quantified, objectified, by releasing them from the dimension of inner-space. It can be very scary, it can be wholly liberating. This collective firing needed to leave my own dimension of sentience. I expect others have felt similarly at times. You are not alone, we are not alone. Let the bad go, praise the good. I personally look forward to my future conscious literary expulsions to be on the brighter side. They will come in time, I know it.
My earliest memories are of emotional self-defocation. I don't know why the negative pervades my mind so...yet it does. I find fleeting moments of joy, enwrapped with omnipresent grief. Why am I here? I feel everything, I feel nothing. Legions of me have opposed this indomitable force, but have fallen. The captain must go down with his ship, and this ship seems flawed by design. Sink it must, to rest finally in the cold depths - such manifest destiny, a query of me by divinity. I fight no more...I wish this just a dream, for I want not to wake in such a state.
As a child I awake, an infinite canvas to which the greatness of life be painted....oh of this I dream, of this I yearn, of this I ask. I understand relentless sadness, please release me now from this lesson. I need to know unquestioning faith, unconditional love for this vessel. Of you I ask only this lord, be merciful...my heart is pure.