Sadly, it really looks like that addiction is a lifetime thing.
I am so angry to this" friend" of mine who called asking for help with finding drugs. Cravings were so bad that I actually gave up and did it.These are not friends who, knowing of your struggles being clean can actually call up and ask for something like this, but this is another story.
I was doing great lately.I have an occupation where I feel that I can make changes in human lives, find fullfillment, see my future. This is what makes me happy and gives me a motivation to move on, besides, during this time I did not have any problems with drugs at all. But on the other hand, my work is connected with plenty of stressfull situations because I work with people from jail, street and the ones who have war background. I really want to help them and sometimes I feel so bad when I do not know how or they refuse any help.This have increased my alcohol intake, because I used not to drink it every evening. I know that I am strong and this is why I feel so ashamed of my current situation and that I fell for such a stupid thing.
Yesterday I just felt like the worst person on earth and the high really was not worth all these bad feelings, but, in the same time, this mornig I felt like this was the only thing worth living for. Knowing myself, this is bad.
I guess, I just had to write it all down.
Seems like a nonsense.