Relationships, love and quitting

  1. LittleBabyNothing
    "Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
    Then you grew and became like the devil himself
    Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
    But I don't think I can
    So fuck you anyway

    So fuck you anyway
    So fuck you anyway
    So fuck you anyway
    So fuck you anyway
    So fuck you anyway

    Bet you sleep like a child with your thumb in your mouth
    I could creep up beside, put a gun in your mouth
    Makes me sick when I hear all the shit that you say
    So much crap coming out, it must take you all day

    There's a space kept in hell with your name on the seat
    With a spike in the chair just to make it complete
    When you look at yourself do you see what I see?
    If you do, why the fuck are you looking at me?

    Why the fuck are you looking at me?

    Why the fuck
    Why the fuck are you looking at me? [x4]"

    (Placebo cover of Archieves "Fuck you")

    This is exactly how I feel now. I have been clean for a week now because my veins are one step from collapsing and I decided that this is it.I even were so strong that I said no to drugs during the whole week when I was offered, but today I just gave up to my carvings. The most terrible thing is that I did not say a word, we both just did it. This mind reading just sucks. I know that we have to stop to save ourselves before it is too late (I hope that it is not). He is usually the sane part of our team and usually the one who is saving me or talking me out of really stupid things.And I really appreciate it. I love him and do not want to lose him because of drugs.That is why I feel so bad and hope that we will manage it. We just have to stay clean for the next two weeks, after them it will get easier, I know.

    People usually say that two addicts should broke up, otherwise it is not going to work.
    I somehow do not even want to consider it, because if there would not be him, I would most likely be ten feet under ground by now. Because he has saved me for so many times during these years (And vice versa), beside, we have much more common things we share than only drugs.And I do not want to loose these common things. I see our addictions just as one more test we haved to go through (And we have been togeather through a lot). We are not only lovers, but we, during these years togeather, have become best friends as well.
    Sometimes I wish I had never started to use drugs, never even knew about their existence and stayed to those other peoples daily remedies against stress, when feeling hurt, dealing with pain or depressed- chocolate, coffe and a good sleep. Sometimes I wish these times when dancing my heart out or moshing in a really good gig were enought were back. But they never will be.
    I guess that this person who said "show me an addict who has never really wanted to quit from the bottom of his heart" is right.
    And yes, I just needed to write everything down. Now it does not look so bad. I guess, that we make it work. We just have to stay clean for these two weeks. And we both want it (Which is important).For the sake of both of us.

    Keep thumbs for me ( I am not sure if there is such idiom in English)!

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  1. detoxin momma
    I wouldnt say 2 addicts should break up, just because they are both addicts. It sounds like you both are aware of the issue and both want to change for the better, thats great.

    There was a time where my husband and i would disappear from any family loaded down with meth and weed, we had a blast. That was well over a decade ago. people grow, people change. Its not an easy process by any means, but if both your hearts are in it, you will succeed.

    Stay strong, lean on each other, be each others rock, and you will make it threw to the other side :vibes:
  2. LittleBabyNothing
    Thanx for kind words! These two weeks never happened, but at least now we take longer pauses,do not use so often and do smaller amounts.

    The situation looks more positive now.
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