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  1. Morphina Blue
    Background: Experience with smack is a relatively short one. It's only been 4 1/2 months (came about after a 10 year narcotic pill addiction...cliché, I know) and I think about it every day. My run of use lasts 3 days at most, then off for 5 days or more. What else is new to me is the rush of scoring. The last 2 meetings with the dealer gave me a bit of a thrill.

    Is it the getting away with the crime that is a thrill? It's kind of embarrassing to admit that. Make me sound like an 18 year old kid. I am a little repulsed by myself and the immaturity of that statement. I almost always overthink my actions and things I say, I'm a terribly insecure person who comes across as confident and outspoken...few people know the truth. Oh, the cliché of it: addict who's self destructive, insecure and overly sensitive. Boring? Maybe.

    So today when I met my dealer, I kind of got off on it. I am disappointed with myself at this change of feeling. Yeah, I'm still paranoid and scared of police -- I'm not overconfident, I'm very careful -- but the satisfaction of the completed deal is a small charge on it's own.
    yes, I am disappointed with myself.

Comments

  1. Mr Bumble
    Don't be ashamed we all get that same rush. The crime, the meets with shady characters, the buzz of having the gear in hand and knowing you'll soon feel sweet oblivion xx
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