I went to the samaritans in the end, and they really do seem not only to listen, but they sympathize with you. I was mailing the as if i called, someone else might have called that may have killed himself if id hogged tthe line. Apparently the lines are fine so I called after being invited to call. I told the whole months worth, and he was staggering to advise me, he was a great man, very nice to me. I cied my eyes out for 2 hours straight but I didnt write myself offl.
If you ever have spare change, donate to samaritans.