A long time ago I stumbled upon this website when I was trying to research the random anti-depressants that my General Practitioner prescribed. I want to say it was nothing major, just Celexa and Venlafaxine... but that's subjective. I've seen those pills do damage to a lot of people around me.
This isn't about the anti-depressants. It's about looking into the future where life changes. Over a period of two years I slowly lost control over my life. At first it was my family losing all their money. Then it was not having the tools necessary to succeed in university. Finally I found myself at the bottom of the abyss unable to function on a daily basis without my favorite drugs. At my worst, I was fermenting $3.00 bottles of grape juice so that I could get messed up on basement brewed "wine" if I couldn't get a fix.
And still this is not about me. Through out every struggle there was always a home that felt productive and positive. Drugs-Forum: you are sweet but you aren't afraid to be honest. It's this amazing feeling in my heart when I see a member go out of their way to write up several paragraphs on toxicity and advice and provide sources. It's the people I see who are struggling and the friends that return to the thread daily to see how the person is doing.
I've spent a long time stuck in the past, and it wasn't until this last year that I began to learn the art of living in the moment. Something clicked in my mind when I realized that I was so hung up on the past because I could never have known where I would end up. That means no matter how difficult the past or present might feel, somewhere at some point in my life I will be in a better place filled with peace.
I can't imagine it, and I don't think I want to imagine it. I only see the way it would make me feel to be in a place of stability and peace. I have no idea how I will get there and that is okay. I read Alfa's blog post about upgrading the forums today and for a moment I was sad. I adore the layout and structure of vBulletin. I figured that we would always use this software.
But hey, who knows what Drugs-Forum will look like in two, five, or ten years! Is it going to be amazing? Yes, because we are all human beings and we work as hard as we possibly can manage. Thank you everyone, for everything that you do here. I hope you find your own strength, because I'm trying hard to find mine.