So many things to do, so little time!

By Mick Mouse · May 7, 2012 · ·
  1. Mick Mouse
    Well, as Spring rolls around, I continually find that my best-laid plans are more frequently than not coming apart at the seams! There are times in which a couple of days might go by and I don't even turn on the computer, much less spend time here like I had planned. I spent much of April out of touch, and when I was available, I didn't seem to get much done. At least not as much as I had planned on! Oh well, that is why they say "Shit Happens!", I guess.

    As it stands now, I have this blog to maintain, the various groups in which I run or am a member of, the threads that I subscribe to, topics or people I follow, and surfing the forum at large. It really is not all that much, by itself. It is never just "by itself", though, that is the problem! There is another non-drug related site at which I am an administrator, so that takes up a considerable portion of time. There are all of the activities that only I can do (seemingly!) that are necessary for this house to function-gods forbid that my youngest girl should have to actually do something so common as walk the 1 1/2 blocks to school when I have a perfectly good car just sitting there!

    Then of course you have The Dog. She requires an inordinate amount of attention, by the very nature of the contract between us.

    All of these things are allowed for or factored in, but it is the unexpected things that are getting to me here lately.

    Things like a sunbeam. I got stuck in a sunbeam and a good book this morning, and sat there for hours, just curled up in the sun and reading a good book. Books themselves are great traps, too. I ran into the library a few weeks ago to grab something to read while I was just sitting around in the doctors office, and ended up reading the collected works of John Ringo. 38 books in all! John Ringo, for those of you who don't know, is a science fiction writer who does "military-based" stories and can turn out a "Space Opera" as good as, if not better than, any of the Deans of Science Fiction. I finished that and started on "The History of the Irish Race", by Seamus MacManus. It is just one book and "only" 724 pages.

    Then of course, there is the garden. It is amazing how I can get lost for hours at a time in a garden, even a small one! I was digging up earthworms and moving them from one side to the other today. No, I have no idea why! I also have the Noisy Little Birds and the cat, which are good for hours of fun, all by themselves. There is something about a comfy spot in a sunbeam, with a good book and a cat on your lap that almost screams out "Nap Time!", too. The cat is always ready for a nap, and I have to say, she might be on to something here! Like she says, the key to a good nap nap is location, location, location.

    We go out and do stuff as a family more often, now that it is warmer. It would seem that it is some sort of mortal sin for a teenage girl to be seen in last years clothes, so quite a bit of our initial outings have been shopping, which, as a man, I find somewhat less than exciting, but, as a father, I understand that I am expected to pay for and maintain silence about. I still do not understand why the prices go up while the total amount of fabric used goes down, but that seems to be because I am "old". That's the general consensus, anyway.

    I'm looking forward to going to the museums and exhibits, zoos, and shows. My kids are telling me that the summers actually consist of the beach, the beach, and the beach, with occasional trips to Hollisters or Vanity. I want to go to the cultural mecca that is Chicago and see one of the 81 exhibits of hope and change that is currently being shown at Wrigley Field (home game, Chicago Cubs!), while my kid wants a jeep. I know what I did with my dads jeep when I was 16 and 17 years old, and she is NOT getting one! Of course, I'm probably not going to make any home games at Wrigley this year either, so we are even there.

    So many things going on, so many demands on my time! I am kind of interested here, so if you are reading this, take the time to post a comment on what you find to be changing in your life as spring opens and summer approaches. What do you cut back on or what do you put more time into? How do you fit you new-found activities into an already crowded schedule? How do you prioritize?

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  1. ZenobiaSky
    It really sounds like you have taken a new interest in life, and that is great. Today I sit here and think it's been one year since I've been in the hospital. I must be doing better, my addiction has me paralyzed. I haven't even planted flowers, done nothing with my yard or my house, and have too much anxiety to leave the house. I'm hoping I find that peace where life is interesting again. This may sound silly, but as I read your blog, it made me so proud of you!!
  2. Mick Mouse
    I planted a flower for you today, Zenobia. That way, you know that you have at least one, and when you are ready to take it on yourself, I will send it to you. Somehow. If you want it, that is. Even figuratively! The important thing is that you know that you have one of your own. And as far as a new interest, well, I'm not sure about that. I have always had an interest, it is just that when you are dealing with an addiction, life seems.....dull. Colorless, somehow.

    I decided early on that I was not going to submit to that, so I actively look for things to do. Even when I was puking sick, I would not give in.

    Even if it is just keeping a flower for someone until they are ready to take it on themselves.

    Do I honestly expect that I will get a message saying "OK, I'm ready. Send me the flower?" No, of course not. It would be cool, though! And believe me, I would move heaven and hell to get it to you, if you truly wanted it.

    So, it has been one year since you came out of the hospital? I assume that one year is good? Not knowing your situation, I will just assume that it is. One year ago, I was a few months out of prison, after spending the last 5 years there, because of drugs. I was a basket-case, living in my daughters basement and dealing with a raging case of PTSD and a fast-onset prescription pain-pill addiction. I was afraid to go outside, and it was literally impossible for me to go into a place like Wal-mart. My "threat identification and target acquisition" was working over-time, and all I saw people as were targets.

    While I was addicted and more that just a bit warped upstairs, I am not stupid. I recognized (in my own limited way) that there was a problem, so I did what I was trained to do. I attacked it with everything that I had available.

    Today, I still get weirded out in large groups of people and I recognize that I have certain "issues", namely with authority, but also in dealing with people in general. But I CAN deal with them. I pay my bills on time, treat my family right, and take care of those non-human members of my family who depend on me. I no longer get up every hour on the hour and wander around the house, looking for threats. It is not all rainbows and candy, though. I still feel the need to carry a gun everywhere I go and I HAVE to take The Dog. She is the one person who can settle me down and get me back to what passes for even for me. I would have never made it without her. I do not take handfuls of pain pills anymore, and the "addiction" (I prefer to call it habituation, but lets call a spade a spade here!) is non-existent. I have faced and defeated me demons, one by one, and I did it with three things-My family, my dog, and my friends and family here. Well, a shear pig-headedness about refusing to be "defeated" by anything helped, too.

    Perhaps you might consider getting a non-human family member of your own, if you don't already have one. I have found during my journey back that having someone who depends on you makes a world of difference, It gives you an excuse to rejoin the world, relieves anxiety, and best of all NEVER judges you! Unconditional love and support can make anyone feel human again!

    Hang in there, Z! While it may be hard to tell sometimes, things DO get better. I can attest to that personally. And don't be proud of me, I have pretty much been a fuck-up from day one. Be proud of who and what you are, be proud of YOU. I can always be found, if you ever need/want to talk...
  3. ZenobiaSky
    Aww you made my day!!! what kind of flower is it? Can u send me a pic, or upload it to your albums, maybe then I could print it off and use it as my inspiration. Thank you :)
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