So you think you're not a bigot...

By no eff eks · Apr 7, 2012 · ·
  1. no eff eks
    "Well yeah, hating black people would be racist, but hating fags is, like, idealistic."

    I wanted to fucking punch that clueless little shit right in his arrogant pimpled mouth... But I had a delivery to make and wanted to keep my job. So I mumble "are you fucking kidding dude?" just soft enough that he likely didn't hear/understand... subtle facepalm before making a crack about how I hate all people from Mexico because I disagree with their lifestyle. Dumbfuck finds that funny as well... so do I.

    Same kid had come back from a delivery earlier that night looking distraught... I ask him if the girl from the delivery was cute (I knew it was a gay dude, we were flirting on the phone when I took his order). Kid shakes his head and tells me about the effeminate gay dude he had to have a brief encounter with... "Aww dude I'm sorry. Did you get touched in that bad way, is that why you look so down?"... kid tells me about how he could've probly taken this particular fag, and makes a crack about how he probably couldn't have raped him in their 9 second encounter. "9 seconds would be a personal best for me", I say... laughs.

    We're all racist to some extent.

    I always work to keep my mind open and not pre-judge anyone. But that is impossible. I've been fed stereotypes and racist myths about alien cultures since birth. I can't help my fears, and I don't blame others for being as weak as me. But my racism isn't hatred - it's ignorance and fear but not judgement.

    This kid clearly understands racism is bad. Racism is merely bigotry against a particular race. People often lump homophobia or anti-semitism under the racism banner - but it's really bigotry. It's all bigotry. Kid is a bigot, just as bad as being a racist... the cognitive dissonance is delicious.

    I tend to make sarcastic comments playing the role of a racist. I find the irony hilarious as do most of my friends. It's okay to me since I know I'm really making fun of racists... I know most of my friends understand, but for the ones that wont/didn't/can't... I think I'll stop now.

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  1. DHCdiva
    Gotta admire you for keeping your cool and not decking the Homophobe.

    Oh, and I like your hat.

    Keep blogging.
  2. no eff eks
    I feel bad for him in a way... he likes me, I find him kinda annoying but funny and likable... but he thinks hating me is somehow idealistic (the word he probably was looking for was altruistic but who knows)...

    I recently found out that a girl I'd fooled around with had told another coworker that I was bisexual. The person she told was no threat to me, she's a very open minded and caring person... but I was still freaked out that this was something that could get around to other coworkers.

    I was kinda ashamed of my fear, being mostly in the closet... still, my boss is very religious/conservative - if he knew it would make things very uncomfortable for both of us. Then hearing somebody casually brush off hating gays while recognizing hating blacks is wrong....

    Sorry, guess I needed to vent more. :)

    Thanks for reading, and for the kind words! <3
  3. DHCdiva
    Maybe the lad has heard the rumour, and is saying these things to gage your reaction - in an attempt to try to figure out in his tiny mind due to your reaction whether you are Bi, Straight, sexually attracted to the holes in housebricks, or whatever else.

    Some people feel it is their right to know what everyone else's orientation is....grrrrr.

    Maybe he's never encountered anyone who doesn't feel the need to behave in a testosterone fuelled alpha male hyperhetero way, and you're a bit of a curiosity to him? Couple that with a workplace rumour and his mind will be rife of half truths and myths!

    Even so, it doesn't make it ok to say the things he has said....and remarks like that could very well lose him his job because of discrimination/hate crime/hate speech etc.

    I still don't get how he thinks hate is acceptable towards another human being who hasn't done something devastating to him such as murder his family or some other heinous crime.

    I don't know, some people are just beyond words.
    Maybe he is unsure of his own sexuality but has never dared explore the thought truthfully with himself?
  4. no eff eks
    It seems like more of a religious brainwashing thing than confusion about his own sexuality. He acts like a typical Republican conservative... clueless, bigoted, greedy, entitled, and arrogant.

    I do like the kid though. He might be a clueless bigot, but can tell he's got a good heart in there anyway.

    I have a bad habit of flirting with anyone I find attractive - male or female... I still doubt anyone that hasn't been told as much has really ever thought about me being gay or bi or whatever... perverted immature humor is standard around my workplace. :)
  5. DHCdiva
    Well, in that case, I'd turn the whole situation into a huge flirtfest.
    If you playfully flirt with him (careful though, you don't want slapping with a sexual harrassment report! Lol) it might knock him off his guard....and his pedestal.

    Thing is, it's a shame if this guy is a result of ultra conservative/religious upbringing.

    All that kinda stuff would get me going on a rant, anyway!

  6. Relapse_Rollercoaster
    I am going to dare and give my opinion on this as a person who has had two uncles all my life that lived in the same place, but only one was my mommas brother :) I understood and formed acceptance before I was 6. I also grew up in a region that is stereotyped for bigotry and racism being a prevalent attitude. But it doesn't mean it's accurate.

    Just as judging another person based on one piece of them and their personality. You are right, too many people feel it is some kind of right to know your preference. I don't walk around shouting IM STRAIGHT, & bi, or gay people should have the same right to privacy.

    This fact is based on the past, and actions of our past relatives. For example my Pawpaw has been tolerant of homosexuals since the late 70s, and loved my uncles long time partner a true addition to our family, but I wasn't allowed to watch the Cosby show in his home till the late 90s. It has alot to do with exposure, education, issues, stigmas, and time the person and/or community has been around the issues.

    I say all that to give a humble has alot to do with time of exposure. Their has been racism towards black folks for a century, and just in the past 20 years alot has changed....interacial relationships and mixed kids are no longer frowned on by a large number of the American population. Tge exposure of gay people has come to light in the last 30 years, made more unacceptable by HIV/AIDS less than 10 years after men started being more open. The stigma placed on the early cases of HIV virus as related to homosexuality is a hard bell to ring for many people ( my uncle has also been successfully treating and living with since 1984 :D )

    All of that is certainly no excuse for ignorance, and also a reasonable debate for the actions of some. I don't expect you to be any more tolerant of that, just thinking maybe you could take that and internalize it in a way that makes you feel more confident knowing that it is them not having knowledge, instead of feeling anger or shame/embarrassment.

    I like the last few sentences of your blog. I have a twisted sarcastic sense of humor too. I often feel like my thoughts aren't putting out the correct words to express them. Alot of times I offend or confuse people when the intention was humor, or even an explanation. I really enjoyed your writing, and found your honesty refreshing. I am always suprised when people are brave enough to say what is on their mind, even at the risk of being misunderstood.

    Also thank you for your earlier comment to me, it is really important for me to identify and feel less alone in myself right now. Hope this made sense and didn't offend....
  7. no eff eks
    Sorry I'm a little late in responding, I hadn't noticed this comment until now. Your post certainly didn't offend me, and you have my thanks for sharing your experience with me. I definitely agree about exposure breeding acceptance. Mostly people fear that which they don't understand - so when black people or queers aren't so foreign the misplaced hatred falls away. We're all human - racists, fags, and Christians alike.

    I really appreciate anyone even reading my confused posts, and am glad you've enjoyed them. If anything my blog should be a reminder to any confused young-adult out there that they aren't alone.... or at least somebody out there is more fucked up than they are.:eek:
  8. DHCdiva
    I don't think you could've put it any better!

    Humans make so much hassle for each other over things that just don't need to be worried about.

    My husbad and I had an interesting conversation today on this very subject. I am completely at ease with anyones sexual preference - to be honest, as long as the relationship is a happy one, who cares?!

    For some reason, I suspect my husband isn't as tolerant - he isn't homophobic, I think the word 'uncomfortable' is more suitable, but then again he hasn't had the exposure to LGBT society that I've had, so maybe it is just because he's never had the pleasure of knowing happy people in a loving relationship that just so happens to be with a member of the same sex.

    He came out with the cliche "as long as the're not doing anything in front of me, I don't care". I found this interesting, as this made me realise I'm probably a hypocrite.

    Let me explain. If, in a film or tv programme or whatever, a heterosexual couple start getting romantic, or kissing, or more, I have to turn the television over, because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Same if I see a hetero couple kissing in public. BUT, if I see two men/woment holding hands, or kissing in public, it doesn't bother me. I've only seen one example on film or television of a same sex kiss (Torchwood) and i didn't feel the need to reach for the remote control. It actually felt as if i didn't notice it.

    now, maybe that's fckd up?!

  9. no eff eks
    To me even a little racism makes one a racist, and even little homophobic behavior makes one a homophobe.... To a certain extent of course.

    I'm paradoxically homophobic in certain ways, and ignorantly racist almost always. That's fine - everyone else is just as confused and ignorant as me. I often remind myself of my own xenophobic or racist beliefs so I can try to understand where another person is coming from. It helps to not think oneself immune to bigotry just because we are not hateful. Fear of the unknown will take hold of even the most benevolent mind - at least for a while. I simply try to catch myself and correct myself when I make value-judgements of large groups of people. That's all I think any of us can do... nobody has a mind immune to fear, nobody knows every culture as if were their own.

    When somebody says something like "yeah, be gay all you want - just don't make me look at it", I have not wonder where they're seeing all these gay people flaunting their boyish good looks and kinky satisfying sex lives in the face of the "normals".... Seriously I hope it's a real place. :) Really though it's a lot like what I said to my friend when I was 12 or 13, "I don't have a problem with gays, just as long as they don't hit on me". Now I grew up in a rural area, mostly lower middle class kinda redneck... So I was surprised when my friend called me out for being homophobe. He was like "dude, I saw a 9 year old give the same fucking answer... do you honestly think gay people EVER go around trying to pick up random straight dudes?". I thought about it, he was right... I was a bigot too. That was the first time I realized that even though I believed myself to be a good person, I was far from perfect - and not even aware yet how/how to change.

    I'm rambling sorry, kinda stoned...
  10. DHCdiva
    ha ha!
    No, you're absolutely right!
    It astounds me how many people assume that just because a man is gay, he will automatically hit on any man.
  11. Relapse_Rollercoaster
    Like I always tell my straight guy friends before we go to a drag show....they dont want someone who doesn't want them. They can see you're straight, and that you're not interested/terrified....lmao
  12. no eff eks
    So many months later I have become decently good friends with this person. He doesn't work with me very often any more - but when I do see him I could swear that he flirts with me... Yet I know for a fact he is not gay... or at least he says he's not (and wastes a lot of time/money chasing girls and seemingly always falling on his face somehow)... Anyway I have a crush on him and can't help it, but I obviously would never tell him. Lately I've started to think about actually coming out to my friends, but I'm still not sure if I can take that kind of risk. It's complicated, and I'm a coward... so here we are.
  13. quixoteQ
    Nice post. My take? Nobody sees anything that isn't filtered first through his own context, his own series of learned responses. When and how you were born to the gender of your third grade teacher to how many episodes of 90210 you pretend you never watched . . . all of these experiences and the network of responses you had to them produce the filter through which you will see everything, regardless of how clean and pure you wish that lens could be. There is no clean lens.

    What makes someone a bigot is not how he sees other people, but how little space he can make for the Other in his life. It is not necessary to understand everything. The more space you can make in your life for things you can't understand, the less prejudice you will have attached to your perspective.
  14. no eff eks
    Absolutely. We are all a product of the events that unfolded around us. That actually ties into my views on "free-will" being an illusion, but that's a discussion for a different day...

    This is a really interesting way of looking at things. It sort of depends where you draw the line between ignorance and bigotry. Most people have at least a handful of opinions that I'd consider rooted in bigotry. They might not see it that way, and often people feel their bigoted opinions are altruistic and benevolent. An almost comical example is how the Europeans justified their treatment of the native populations of their colonies in Africa, southern Asia, and the Americas. They viewed "civilizing" these cultures as a burden, and patted themselves on the back for rescuing these amoral pagans from their primitive existence. Still, my lifestyle, and my world-view are dependent on those events having occurred. So if the Europeans had held a point of view more like mine, I would be leading a much less comfortable life - and I would likely have a much less empathetic world-view....

    I'm rambling and high so I should stop now... Thanks for reading, and especially for commenting!
  15. quixoteQ
    As I see it, human beings have two "modes" of access to "will". The first is the small will attached to the "individual" separated from other things in the world; the second is the limitless will that faces the present moment, which can never be "experienced". All experience is in the past, and the "will" that lives in experience is forever subject to the irony of causality (the theory that attempts to connect time to time, place to place, event to event, thing to thing, but instead of connecting, causality can only separate). But the true will Is, and endlessly Is in the present.

    This is why I say that there is no end to the context to which you were born and raised--it cannot be escaped. To see other people as different is inevitable. Justifying your actions by objectifying difference is bigotry(that is, making yourself the Individual that experiences the Other). Making space in your life for what is different is the opposite of bigotry (that is, addressing the Other as bound in relation to you).

    To clarify: if you believe (and act as if) you can experience what the Other experiences, then this is bigotry.
  16. no eff eks
    Causality is the reason I consider the past, present, and future of this universe to be one and the same. There is no now because it's all already happened, and it was always going to happen that way anyway.... Then there is the fact that I consider our separation from the rest of the universe merely a delusion/illusion (an illusion that we know enough to see past, yet must ignore to function in our world). There is no self either. Combine that with the tiny grain of actual "choice" we get in our daily lives compared to things we just do because of our genetics, our culture/society's influence on how we think, and the arbitrary circumstances of our reality..... So we are left with an illusion of extremely limited choice -- yet we humans are so obsessed with our freedom to choose our own life path. We call it "free will", yet even if you ignore how fucking absurd the idea of an "individual" is, you're still left with a few minor decisions to make about your life -- and those decisions are a product of the environment you were arbitrarily born into.... Free will? I think not.

    Anyway, I should post a blog about this rather than discuss it in the comments because it's something I find fascinating and a subject that's often ignored because people don't think hard enough.

    Your clarification made me so much more confused after I thought I had a good idea what you were trying to say. Please clarify more if you would be so kind! I'm quite interested in your perspective on the subject as you seem to have a unique way of looking at things.
  17. quixoteQ
    I have a lot of thoughts on both topics (I think they aren't that separate), but I don't want to hijack a good thread with the stream of my blather. If you are really interested, let me know. I have spent a lot of time reading and studying and thinking about these ideas, and once I start blathering, the blathering isn't likely to stop unless I'm forcibly removed from the premises.

    Two thoughts, one on each of your comments.

    1. Things and moments aren't illusion, they are experiences, and they are the past: they are bounded from the Present. Every "thing" that we see, hear, taste, feel--that is, every "thing" we experience, is an object bounded from other objects by a subject. A subject is the experienced "I" and it has existence only as an experience, and like all other experiences it is bounded away from the Present. Subjects experience objects. Subjects are also objects, when they are experienced as objects (they are what we experience as "I"). Subjects and objects do not endure. We experience them and experience them again. They have no objective truth, because they will be made again and again into objects of subjects, but these experiences aren't illusion, and they aren't "opposed" to Reality, because Reality has no opposite. The Present has no opposite. What we call the future isn't any different from the past and is a thing: it is the debris that gathers about our feet as we experience the past. Will is in the Present, in the relation to the Other in the Present: the will takes its stand in relation to the Other.

    2. The existence of Bigotry is no different than our attitude toward the past or the present. A subject apprehends an object. This is causality, experience. Causality is the experience of the past, that all things are one thing . . . but still a thing.

    A thing experiences another thing bound away from all other things and all other times. A subject learns about an object. It knows it. It has perspective upon it. It conquers it. But the relationship between a thing and a thing is no relationship. "I" experiences an "it", and knows it as such. Bigotry. It is as natural as eating or sleeping. It is the context of experiencing things.

    But a relation "is", is in being. The relation is the Present. You don't know the Other. You don't understand the Other. You don't learn about the Other. You don't make judgments based on experiences with the Other.

    You take your stand in relation to the Other. The Present lives in the light of that relation.

    When you realize this, it has become an experience. The Buddhists call this Samsara, the ocean of sadness--that the Present must be subjugated to a thing, to the past, in order to be experienced.
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