I see you. I look at you and I see your physical presence. I see your diseased ravaged body and you trying to function. That is all. I dont see who you are anymore. I stopped looking.
I dismissed you as an adult the way you dismissed me as a child. I gave up trying to see you.
I couldnt tell anymore if what I found when I looked at you was really you or the result of your illness affecting your brain, anyway you have had it so long I cant even remember you being well.
I dont know what you would be like without your illness affecting your mind. I could of worked it out but I dismissed you.
It was easier that way.
Now you dont even know me and I dont know you.
You never knew me never cared to. Assumed you didnt need to know me. I guess you didnt. I was in your way.
You know I am angry at you for subjecting me to violence for my whole life and doing nothing to help stop it and nothing to protect me as a parent should. But you dismiss this too. When I look at what I really see is all the things you subjected me too. Not who you are but the past.
I would like to take care of you in your older years as a good child should but I cant even look at you for the things you have subjected me to. I know your body wont be here much longer, your body is just hanging on it seems like your mind left long ago. I never knew you before your mind left us.