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  1. cren
    I see you. I look at you and I see your physical presence. I see your diseased ravaged body and you trying to function. That is all. I dont see who you are anymore. I stopped looking.

    I dismissed you as an adult the way you dismissed me as a child. I gave up trying to see you.

    I couldnt tell anymore if what I found when I looked at you was really you or the result of your illness affecting your brain, anyway you have had it so long I cant even remember you being well.
    I dont know what you would be like without your illness affecting your mind. I could of worked it out but I dismissed you.
    It was easier that way.

    Now you dont even know me and I dont know you.

    You never knew me never cared to. Assumed you didnt need to know me. I guess you didnt. I was in your way.

    You know I am angry at you for subjecting me to violence for my whole life and doing nothing to help stop it and nothing to protect me as a parent should. But you dismiss this too. When I look at what I really see is all the things you subjected me too. Not who you are but the past.

    I would like to take care of you in your older years as a good child should but I cant even look at you for the things you have subjected me to. I know your body wont be here much longer, your body is just hanging on it seems like your mind left long ago. I never knew you before your mind left us.

Comments

  1. detoxin momma
    it has to feel good to put that down in black&white.....
    I can relate to you in so many ways cren,i've been blessed just to have your presence near mine.

    every so often we run into people that we plain and simple feel connected with,and I feel very connected with you:cool:
    cut from the same cloth for sure.

    my heart goes out to you.it hurts when we get dealt a shitty hand.
    but,we are the ones that learn early on how to turn lemons into lemonade.(((:)vibes:)))) hugs

    first blog huh.
    you're a natural.:thumbsup:
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