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    PLEASE HELP
  1. DocBrock
    This was originally going to be a thread reply, then it got a bit out of hand.


    Music rocks!

    Both my mother and paternal grandfather were members of d'oyly carte. My mum loved good pop music and classical, my father loved rock'n'roll.
    How could I not -LOVE- music!.

    Before opiates ( not fond of the abbreviation )

    Fuck. Gotta get this down now.

    When I was younger, much younger, I had the voice of an angel. Think Aled Jones + 'Snowman'

    I was chosen/forced to represent my primary school at a carol song evening in a big church in my home town. As part of the primary school nativity, I was singing 'Once In Royal David's City' start to finish. Solo, unamplified.
    I -filled- that fucking sports hall. Fuck. Tears of self pride at memory. Not just the voice, but the -confidence-. That is what I was. Fuck. I'd have loved that. I'm shaking with tears right now.
    -That was the point-.
    The start of it all. Right there. This is taking ages to type.
    This fucking thread. I'm physically shaking and flooding with tears. I don't understand the emotion. It hurts like fuck but I am so fucking happy.
    This is for ex_junkie and a beautiful lady in the USA who hurts as bad as I do.
    I am exploding with years of supressed unbridled hatred for -one- fucking moment that cost me my true memory.
    I was chosen to sing. The church was fucking huge.
    It was fucking packed to the rafters. Local fucking radio.
    I was to perform towards the end.
    I went to pieces with terror.
    Some fucker gave me a 'brave pill'
    I felt a little tipsy.
    I passed out. It was joked I was so calm because I looked stoned.
    It was said I was calm -because he now knows he -can- do it.
    I floored them. I was fucking stupendous. Full visual syneasthesia. Best light show -ever- and I made it as I made the soundtrack.
    No fucking relatives at all. Just a few kids from school and a few teachers.
    I got a standing fucking ovation. The lights were pretty to say the least. Oh!, the colours.
    I collapsed on stage, overwhelmed, and started tripping.
    I came to at home. Woke up cold, alone, confused and with zero memory. First -ever- bi-polar cycle followed by life-long suppression of my greatest -ever- performance. Enabled by a brave pill.
    Fuck. That was the start.

    Just spent an hour sobbing my eyes out. Now, I can recover.

Comments

  1. ZenobiaSky
    Have faith, and keep blogging, I find that one of the best releases of the demons we are fighting
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