This was originally going to be a thread reply, then it got a bit out of hand.
Both my mother and paternal grandfather were members of d'oyly carte. My mum loved good pop music and classical, my father loved rock'n'roll.
How could I not -LOVE- music!.
Before opiates ( not fond of the abbreviation )
Fuck. Gotta get this down now.
When I was younger, much younger, I had the voice of an angel. Think Aled Jones + 'Snowman'
I was chosen/forced to represent my primary school at a carol song evening in a big church in my home town. As part of the primary school nativity, I was singing 'Once In Royal David's City' start to finish. Solo, unamplified.
I -filled- that fucking sports hall. Fuck. Tears of self pride at memory. Not just the voice, but the -confidence-. That is what I was. Fuck. I'd have loved that. I'm shaking with tears right now.
-That was the point-.
The start of it all. Right there. This is taking ages to type.
This fucking thread. I'm physically shaking and flooding with tears. I don't understand the emotion. It hurts like fuck but I am so fucking happy.
This is for ex_junkie and a beautiful lady in the USA who hurts as bad as I do.
I am exploding with years of supressed unbridled hatred for -one- fucking moment that cost me my true memory.
I was chosen to sing. The church was fucking huge.
It was fucking packed to the rafters. Local fucking radio.
I was to perform towards the end.
I went to pieces with terror.
Some fucker gave me a 'brave pill'
I felt a little tipsy.
I passed out. It was joked I was so calm because I looked stoned.
It was said I was calm -because he now knows he -can- do it.
I floored them. I was fucking stupendous. Full visual syneasthesia. Best light show -ever- and I made it as I made the soundtrack.
No fucking relatives at all. Just a few kids from school and a few teachers.
I got a standing fucking ovation. The lights were pretty to say the least. Oh!, the colours.
I collapsed on stage, overwhelmed, and started tripping.
I came to at home. Woke up cold, alone, confused and with zero memory. First -ever- bi-polar cycle followed by life-long suppression of my greatest -ever- performance. Enabled by a brave pill.
Fuck. That was the start.
Just spent an hour sobbing my eyes out. Now, I can recover.