Step-Ladders, a dangerous legal high

By Mindless · Apr 26, 2012 · ·
  1. Mindless
    In light of the various bans on legal highs, particularly the ban on methoxetamine in the UK, we have a duty to review and highlight any existing dangerous legal highs. For thousands of years humans have been using ladders. This legal high became more accessible to ladder users with the first US patent on stepladderds given to John H. Balsley of Dayton, Ohio on January 7th 1862.

    Who can tell how many sorry individuals have fallen foul of the misuse of step ladders since that fateful day? Stepladders are misused in a variety of ways. Here are some of the crazy stunts pulled by users:

    • Standing on the top step
    • Failing to secure the ladder properly
    • Catching fingers in the hinges
    • Over-reaching
    • Use on an uneven surface
    Many will protest about their right to choose, and will cite evidence of the utility and benefits of step-ladder use. Much as many drug users have done regarding their drug or drugs of choice. In this tradition of oppressive and pointless legal restrictions I say this; we must put a stop to this evil step-ladder menace for once and all. Let us step down from our ladders, and into a golden age of state control.

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    Reasonable likes this.

Recent User Reviews

  1. Reasonable
    "5 Stars! Hilarious. Would Read Again."
    5/5, 5 out of 5, reviewed Mar 7, 2018
    Since a review is optional for this article, but it wouldn't let me rate it without leaving one (?), I thought I'd just say that I found this article to be humorous, witty, and entertaining. It was satirical in style in that it shows how bans of useful things just because there is a potential for misuse, isn't the way to go for modern societies.


  1. Yail Bloor
    Very funny, very clever. I love it!
  2. misskatie
    Agreed, very funny and relevant. If only we could talk some sense into our government
  3. Phenoxide
    It's a real shame that the minority who cannot use step ladders responsibly have ruined it for everyone else. When used with appropriate attention and caution step ladders are a very safe and effective way of getting to things that are out of reach. But it only takes one article in The Sun about a 15 year old who had no business being on a step ladder to begin with falling to his death, and the government will ban the step ladders as a kneejerk reaction. What a shame.

    My greatest concern is that other ladders and climbing apparatus that are really useful will be caught up in the inevitable ban too. This will make it very difficult to get into my attic or treehouse without becoming a criminal.
      Mindless likes this.
  4. Mindless
    There could be an Advisory Committee on the Misuse of Ladders. This might sound a bit far-fetched, but a panel of scientific experts could advise the government. If anyone on the committee speaks out of turn, the government could fire said person and ignore any inconvenient evidence based advice. Although I doubt if that would ever happen, only a Nutter would raise doubts.
  5. SpatialReason
  6. trdofbeingtrd
    As some one who has fallen off of step-ladders many times while trying to get high, I agree that there should be a stop to this. If people do not have the common understanding of the dangers in using, then it should be forced upon them. If we know better than them, then it would be inhumane to not control the actions they do.

    It's about time someone spoke up about these damned step-ladders and the use of them.
      Mindless likes this.
  7. Pringles
    Although i firmly believe that state control screws most things up perhaps only step ladders under a certain height should be freely available. Some analysis of rung / risk ratio might be in order here.

    Long term users of the more potent form of step ladder could have them or a substitute prescribed by a suitably qualified professional too.
      Mindless likes this.
  8. Hardstepa
    I read an article the other day in Britains crappest rag[the Sun]which said that 5-IT was being called 'He Man' and that it was replacing MXE as a legal version of Ketamine.I havent heard anyone call it that,ever.I wonder if one of their reporters just made it up??I would post a link but im not sure how.

    I also read an article in my local newspaper recently where a woman wanted all legal highs banned because her son got killed by a bus while high on mephadrone.Maybe they should ban crossing the road??0r going out??
  9. Wanderer
    Ah, yes that's the solution, more regulation... Think of the jobs it will create to get those unemployed millions back to work. Tie it in with a jobs stimulus package and banking reform, now there's something I can get behind without even thinking.

    By the way how many steps does the ladder have to have? Will there be a special 12 stepladder exclusion?
      Mindless likes this.
  10. The Cats Dream
    Quitting standing on the top step of a stepladder (just this once) is the easiest thing in the world - I've done it thousands of times...
      Mindless likes this.
  11. hookedonhelping
    Whats next? Stools?! ::we are doomed::
      Mindless likes this.
  12. Mindless
    As long as the height does not exceed 150mm. I envision a range of therapeutic interventions, including ladder replacement therapy and a 12 step model. By this I don't mean 12 metaphorical steps, but a model of a 12 level stepladder which is finger-climbed.

    Walking two digits up and down a tiny step-ladder should help with cravings. The model would be a full working replica that addicts could assemble and use anywhere, since ritual is an important part of stepladder dependency. Finger-climbing, or 'fingering', could become the new urban sport. A ladder exchange program would facilitate the transition to small model ones, and reduce the risk of finger infection by providing sterile steps. For those needing a safe place, fingering booths would be provided.

    The ancient saying attributed to Lao Tzu does not say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single stepladder. Mind you, I do find the dangerous thrill that top step offers most compelling. Put it together with the tendency to look down on others from a ladder, and you have a recipe for disaster.
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