Having just been transferred out of another in-patient locked-unit stay and into a residential program...things have to stop, change, etc.
The Ketamine was my bottom. But drugs in general have become so problematic. At this point I feel I need to swear off cigarettes and alcohol, kick Ketamine and Nitrous to the curb. Take a few months of sobriety from cannabis and psychedelics. Well, maybe not the holy ganja...
Along with this transition to greater sobriety (or whatever you want to call this) I've been doing a fair amount of Buddhist studies, reading "The Heart of The Buddha's Teachings" by Thich Nhat Hanh. While inside I also read various Suttas translated by Soma Thera, The Removal of Distracting Thoughts, The Buddha's Charter of Free Inquiry, along with some other things. Great pieces that have already led me along a beautiful path that gives me peace even in this "rough seas" period of my life.
In my reading, I wonder about reconciling entheogens (religious psychedelic usage) with the Buddhist Path. Although, at this point, with my mental stability being what it is (read: not that stable) it's best if I stay sober (from serotenergenic psychedelics) for many months...easier said than done, knowing this brain and my habits.
Along with that is reconciling chronic physical pain with the prohibition on intoxicants. This one supposes the historical Buddha didn't spend his days with chronic headaches and a twisted spine. Not to mention the unfortunately new pain in my right leg, likely from all the past Ketamine injections. Regrets and problems. I'm sure somewhere someone has written about this.
Looking ahead, the residential program is seeming to be seriously beneficial although it's not long enough to truly setup the habits I need to stay as well as I'd like to be. Hoping my case manager will be able to help in next steps. Sighs and hopeful meditation.
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