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SWIMS Dilemma...

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  1. ex-junkie
    so swim has been working lots, and studying, and generally running herself down. she has experienced some health problems which caused her great pain in the past 6-8 weeks, which she endured for the most part. there was however a couple of occasions where she had to turn to codeine.

    opiates and opioids are a disgusting matter for swim, as she swore she would never take them again unless she became terminally ill! it really was a massive fail for swim to make the decision to take these stupid OTC codeine tablets.

    aaaaaaaaanyhows, swim did well. she only took the tablets as prescribed on the packet, and didnt continue for more than 3 days. so in effect, she endured approx 3 weeks of massive pain, and medicated for 3 days only. 3 weeks to 3 days sounds alright huh?

    after a good 3 weeks of living quite sanely with opiates in the house, without reaching for them, swim was struck down with a massive migraine headache (last night). at 1am she reached for three tablets. swim had to work this morning, and was in agony.

    fast forward to tonight, and her limbs are aching to fuckery. swim will abstain from pain relief for fear of addiction. sure it would be easy to just take the tablets as prescribed, and be done with the pain. she has to work everyday this week, without a day off. her hours arent long, but her work takes a lot out of her. a fucking shitload out of her! whos to say that she isnt experiencing pain everyday for the next week, after work everyday, and then end up with a codeine habit by next friday?

    this is so massively bumfucked its not funny. first thing in the morning swim will buy some straight paracetamol, as she has none in the house at present and its too late to go purchase b2b shes had a few drinks, couldnt drive anywhere to get it.

    this is swims rant for the night. shes so hell bent on doing the right thing, and completely prepared to suffer with the pain in order to fulfill the "right thing", but where does the fear of addiction actually end? :confused:

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Comments

  1. lease25
    ex, swim doesn't wanna seem to be missing swiy's point but swim doesn't see taking small dose opiates as a relapse. Swim appreciates where swiy's coming from and what swiy is trying to do, but swim thinks it a bit harsh on swiyself and that with careful, therapeutic use just because swiy is addicted to pain medication does not mean swiy must suffer lots of pain unecessarily. Swiy's not trying to get high, swiy is trying to treat swiyself and if swiy pushes herself to the limit where she can't stand it, swim thinks swiy could perhaps push herself closer to a full on lapse than by taking otc pharmas.

    Swiy doesn't mention the specific health issue or if swiy has ever had an issue with pharms in the past and these would be big factors in swiy's decision too.

    Swim thinks its possible to still drink, smoke a bit of weed occasionally and take pharm's if severely anxious, like valium or Nurophen +, if in a lot of pain, as swim used to inject heroin and thinks that she has different relationships with different drugs and not just drugs or addiction in general.

    Swim respects total abstinence and also making a promise to oneself, however, if swiy believes swiy may be able to reach a new conclusion and if swiy is happy that it doesn't feel like a cop out swiy can see it as a new perspective and as personal growth and being flexible.

    Swim thinks considering how amazingly swiy is doing being clean for all this time swiy will know what is best for her, but this swim's opinion on your dilemma.
  2. thebige
    Swim can relate to this moral dilemma and can not offer anything that he feels is helpfull...due to the fact that it can be interpreted as a "way to rationalize drug use for a addict" by those who use abstinence as their method for wellbeing.
    But he will say....that it sometimes pains swim to see others in a spot where he has been(always is really) and is unable to pass on a word or two of what he finally had to settle with.
    Swim has actually agonized over this problem for years.....YEARS..and has let the problem bring him to tears on more than a few occasions.
    Anyway,because swim (at this point in his life,who can say how things will be years from now).....is physically unable to tolerate constant physical discomfort for extended periods of time,nor is he able to medicate to the point of constant relief because of then inability to make responsible decisions for his life......
    The only conclusion he could finally accept...was to live somewhere in the middle,learn self control,self discipline,and the ability to accept self-assurance that this is the most logical decision for him to employ at this point in his life.........

    ha...sorry if swim started to sound like Mr.Spock from Star Trek,but he doesn't want to come across as a Mr Know it all.
    Because he certainly does not.
    By the way....this decision has worked and failed on many occasions.....so what can he say.
    Well,he could have said moderation is the key,but that kinda just glosses over the question and leaves it at it you figure it out response.......
    Hey Ex,didn't mean to rant away on your blog.....but sometimes swim feels that this problem deserves a well writen thread of its own,that swim is unable to do.
  3. ex-junkie
    It's been eighteen months since I posted this blog and I never returned to update it. The codeine wasn't an issue and there has only been one time since that SWIM had to buy OTC codeine for pain relief. My attitude towards codeine is fairly smart and straightforward;

    -SWIM only purchases small packets. It is slightly more expensive to buy in this manner, but meh, can't be having 48 packs + lying about the house. I'm not a silly billy. I am aware that when drugs are around the house, the likelihood of taking them recreationally increases.

    -There are 15 tablets in the small packets. Only enough for a 2 day supply.

    I missed these comments the first time round, but SWIM has never had a problem with pharms. She does however have an addictive personality. The last need for codeine pain relief, was approx six months ago when her pet rabbit [irl lol] bit her leg. It got infected a couple of weeks later, but when it got infected, she didn't have time to get to the hospital right away. She didn't want to miss out on any uni lectures and had work commitments.

    The infection caused SWIM's head to pound quite badly by the Thursday, over a week later, and SWIM couldn't make it to the hospital until the Saturday. She had a Thursday nightshift, working with a lady who was on strong pain medication for a past car accident. This lady offered SWIM some of her heavy duty meds, but SWIM declined. Instead, she ducked out to the chemist and purchased a small packet of codeine.

    This packet got her through the Thursday nightshift, Friday uni [all day], and her Friday nightshift. On the Saturday morning, the blister on SWIM's leg had burst. She drove to the hospital, when she finished work, and felt disoriented, confused, and dizzy. The effects of the infected bite were clearly at their peak and SWIM felt terrible. After she had visited the hospital, she returned home and was quite tired. There was 4 or 5 tablets left in her packet. SWIM made the decision to take them all at once and go to sleep. :confused:

    It should be noted that the recommended dose is 1-2 tablets. Not 4 or 5! This was an interesting day for SWIM because she was high on the codeine. Even when she woke up from her haze. She quite enjoyed this high. The experience just reinforced to her why she shouldn't have these types of drugs in the first place, unless in severe pain.

    Needless to say, SWIM hasn't purchased any more codeine since. It kind of freaked her out to say the least.
  4. ex-junkie
    Updating this blog because I recently had migraines hit again. There is definitely a stress component contributing to their recurrence. Since studying pathophysiology units, there is no way in freaking hell that I am going to take more than the recommended dose of ibuprofen, and therefore the codeine is not an issue. I took (in recommended doses) codeine for ten days and then visited my doctor to discuss alternatives. No withdrawals or compulsion to redose noted.

    Now I have a serotonin agonist (Imigran) to take when I feel a migraine coming on. I've been unable to take any yet because I also picked up some SSRIs (lexapro) in an effort to reduce stress/slow down/care a little bit less about people and life (necessary for the upcoming nursing prac). You shouldn't take Imigran with an SSRI. I have to say that the SSRIs are working well for migraine headaches. I haven't had one since I started the lexapro. :thumbsup:
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