SWIM's Story and Why Heroin Should Be Legal

By dyingtomorrow · Nov 3, 2008 · ·
  1. dyingtomorrow
    SWIM's heroin story starts when he was a young child. SWIM has been moderately depressed ever since he become conscious, and severely depressed ever since adolesence. SWIM has tried all kinds of alternative and over the counter remedies, been to all kinds of doctors, and tried all kinds of RX meds for long periods of time. All of them just made SWIM feel sick, more depressed, or had some awful side effect worse than depression.To fill this hole in his life, SWIM started smoking marijuana in the 4th grade. Over time, SWIM ended up going all kinds of illegal drugs throughout his life, and ecstacy made him feel a little better for a while during college.

    SWIM pulled through these problems, despite occasionally being debilitated for weeks at a time, and was a year into law school when he came across heroin. SWIM has also had serious insomnia which doctors also never were able to help him with. (SWIM always scored in the top 99th percentile on all standardized tests in school, and scored off the chart on the IQ test he took - so there's definitely something biologically weird about SWIM's brain). SWIM tried all kinds of illegal drug types from shrooms to crack, and never had a problem with any. SWIM was offered heroin to help him sleep after his first year in law school, and it worked. It also made him feel happy and brought out the best of him for the first time in his life. SWIM was at the top of his class, had a 100% secure job and job offer upon graduation with a huge international Fortune 100 company, and was happy with life for the first time since he was 14, thanks to being addicted to heroin for the past year. It made him happy, smarter, more perceptive, more sensitive, confident, and just loving life, when he otherwise spent the past 10 years trying to get over his fear enough to just kill himself and get this misery over with.

    Everything was heaven. Everything was going perfectly - the life, job, productivity, and happiness every person longs for, all thanks to finding Heroin. Then SWIM's money ran out, and his life was completely destroyed. He's out of law school, $200,000 in debt, more depressed than ever, unemployed and staying with his girlfriend.

    If they sold heroin like they do beer, or prescribed it to people like SWIM, SWIM could accomplish anything. Instead SWIM is just totally 100% done with life at the age of 26. After knowing what it's like to love life and be happy, and going back into the uncurable gray that 10 years of doctors have been unable to treat - there really is nothing left for SWIM. SWIM is really happy to think about the end at this point. Heroin isn't any worse than alcohol. Heroin is only a problem because of it's cost, and it's only financially unfeasible for lower and middle class people because of a stupid racist old law from the 1920s. It's too bad that, even though humans have been cultivating and getting high off opiates for long over 6,000 years, all the sudden we're denied them, no matter how much they help you, or how happy and socially productive they make you.

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  1. Ilsa
    swim knew there was a reason swim and swiy share brain cells...
  2. ScorpioSunshine
    Wow ...

    Swim admires your writing. Swim wishes you would write more ...for many reasons.
  3. 2dboy
    SWIM completely relates to this telling. SWIM also grew up never feeling quite right, depression, fear, self loathing and so the self medication attempts began at age 10 with hash. SWIM then discovered that his parents and all his friends parents had things in the bathroom cupboards that helped take the pain away. that was messy, and eventually SWIM got into every drug imaginable until the one day heroin came along. It was like finally being normal.
    When SWIM was a kid, the first movie they ever saw was the wizard of oz. There is a scene where the wicked witch is stirring a pot of poison that she made from poppies and swim remembers being full of dread about it, and dreamt about it and that image stuck with swim forever.. swim wonders if they knew on some level what was in store for them.
  4. deadheadred
    I understand your frustration, mine is same but different, if that makes any sense. What I don't understand is if after graduating law school and working for a fortune 500 company you would be able to keep up the front of being a respectable lawyer, going places so to speak, with a smack habit, seems like exposure and incredible shame was certain at some point, greatly reducing your chance of recovery of status. At least now at some point I assume you can continue your dream, and I don't mean the one about herion laws becoming more lax, too many bible thumping fools in the heartland thinking they can pray away evil drugs while drinking their Pabst Blue ribbon, and if that fails just take away lesser deserving heathen's, like us, individual freedoms to do what they want with their own fucking body!
  5. sylenth
    also 26 & feeling the same as you, that's why i sent you the friendship request as i can relate to alot of how swey feels. it sucks man... smurf & smurfette in debt for 3million & also scraping through on their arses trying to get used this new type of living from having it all, just trying to feel good.

    smurf was born from parents that used opiates & many other drugs up till the day he was born, so it's in smurfs dna to need drugs or else there's something always not feeling right/missing.

    sorry to hear about sweys circumstances, smurfs can relate. it's a shitty system of a world that we live in & there's nothing we can do about it.

    fortunetly swey has the girl, like smurf... many don't have that blessing & it really helps.

    yeah, some will say just quit. but we do'nt want to, we need it...
  6. Dammaged
    Stories like that are exactly why it unfortunately remains a controlled substance.Society likes victims and likes to protect them from themselves. So you remain a victim or where does the story go? Oh poor me.........like where does the story go...when do you pick up the peices or at the very least recognize.....you should pick up the peices? I lost a brother a year and a half ago because he thought he couldn't deal with fuck-all..heroin had all the answers..he left behind 2 daughters that don't understand why. Go for it SWIM the dive is actually short. Would you like to talk to them here?
    I'm roughly $380,000 in real debt....so don't cry to me about money. I get up in the morning and try to knock it down.
  7. Horser
    Swim, horser says sorry and your NOT alone! I feel and agree totally! Beer, whiskey, cigarettes and even Coffee are way worse for You than Harry! (Medically!) "IF" Cig's were invented now, they would NEVER get passed the Consumer Advocate or what-ever it is, (you know what I mean!). Same with Cars if it comes to that!
    So why is it that Opium is so Taboo? Because it would take $$$ out of the Big Brewers pockets and we can't have that can We?
    My D.o.C is the perfect lover, she always makes Me feel good, she lets Me face the day! The problem is that the Gum-nuts have turned her into a Whore and i cant always afford Her loving embrace!
    The Ancient romans and Egyptians (and many others!) knew and worshiped her so why can't We?
    Exc'ies, Special K etc are almost seen as an essential if you go to a Rave and OK to Indelge in. Mention that you even like "H" is a sure way to loose all respect and trust from friends and Employers!
    Again Why? Because the lengths that some people feel they need go to for even the lightest kiss on the Cheek!
    The man has turned my lover into a whore!
    It is high time the Gum-nuts had a good re-think about their attitude what is a natural desire to relieve Pain, physical or mental!
    Swim,.... I feel your pain! And Mystification!
  8. thealmassi1
    Am i missing something?

    SWIy has progressively gone from one euphoric drug to a stronger drug until he has reached one of the strongest drugs known to man, heroin. Heroin is not the same as alcohol, it is illegal because it is so much more addicting than almost all other substances (as you probably already know).

    In each of the drug phases, SWIY has claimed he has become happier, but in the long term, it has only worsened his depression. Now, this is happening with heroin after the initial "heaven" it brought, it has lead to an increase in unhappiness (not to mention the financial ruin and I assume the state of SWIY's health isn't great either - although i might be wrong). I would advise SWIY to stop using heroin, but that is much easier said than done, but SWIY must try. It will only make SWIY's life more unbearable.

    I honestly have no solution for SWIY's predicament, but heroin is definitely not the answer. I can only suggest to see a good psychiatrist who don't overprescribe SWIY a variety of antidepressants (which I think simply make people dependant on them) and to consider the option of rehab.

    SWIM has been severely depressed (on and off) over the past 6 years (the worst was when SWIM was 13 and last year). SWIM tried the same thing as he started taking MDMA and DXM powder/syrup frequently, but as in SWIY's case, over time it made SWIY almost suicidal so SWIM stopped using it. SWIM medicates himself with marijuana, but is really at a loss to effectively remove SWIM/SWIY's persistent depression. It's creeping back with SWIM, he is continuously having memory torture and having all his thoughts lead to suicide, SWIM just can't stop it...:(
  9. SmokeNmirrors
    Swim likes this blog entry it puts more of a understanding on someone swim doesn't know in person but if swims were to meet they could both relate instantly swim is in debt with college as well but actually never graduated and is in quite the hole but heroin and his life at one time went so perfectly and amazing together swim keeps hoping but knows it will never go back to that. Great blog swiy should write more.
  10. mahoney
    Swim can totally relate...just one question. When swiy realized the money wouldn't last, why didn't swiy switch to methadone, if only until swiy was finished college?
  11. dyingtomorrow
    SmokeNMirrors: Thank you :)

    Mahoney: No other opiate does the same thing that heroin does to SWIM. The rest stupefy him, make him tired all the time and just don't feel very good to SWIM. He tried being on methadone for a while a couple times and it didn't work (and made him depressed again). For some reason heroin makes him actually enjoy being alive, with this feeling of ambition, care, and a desire to accomplish things. Maybe it has something to do with how heroin got it's name in the first place.
  12. Dicemanstyle
    swim is completely with you on this one dude. swim needs heroin like oxygen as well. swims life is so much better with heroin or would be if it was prescribed as methadone is. Why swim can have methadone at 80ml per day and not 3 shots of pure diamorphine is beyond me. Swim has been told NHS (UK) wont pay for it as it would be a long term script the idea being that one would come off methadone in time. However swim has been told that with the right kind of money and doctor swim would be able to obtain diamorphine. Swims advice to swiy is to move out of your hellhole of a country and come to europe where the laws are a bit easier. Trials are being done here and have been going on for some time giving addicts pure smack and swim is certain this is the way forward. Especially for people like us whos lives could be perfect with a controlled amount daily. Its a shame that so many decent peoples lives are wasted due to a lack of proper access to prescribable drugs. And as we all know Heroin is less harmful than sugar when used properly and purely so why must we be made to suffer.
    Swim also understands the difference between methadone and heroin, its nowhere near the same. All the meth does for swim is keeps him relatively well while he craves his next hit. The amount of times swim has wanted to end it all (and tried) proves that your not alone dude. Swimmers must battle on and be active, possibly even contributing to change that might help future generations deal with this major issue. Swimmers want smack legal and swimmers want it NOW!!!!!!
    Vote for H
  13. doinmybestinvic
    I know this post is old, old ,old, but just for edification heroin was originally a brand name from Bayer
  14. dyingtomorrow
    To edify your edification, the Bayer brand name "Heroin" is derived from the German word "heroisch," meaning heroic, which is what I was alluding to.
  15. WoodyCA
    Interesting to me, since I have been a lawyer at an internationally respected law firm for >decade and been using off and on for >2 decades. It is absolutely possible to hide this from co-workers, clients, etc. If H were legal and cost appropriate amounts it would be hard to see me ever quitting.
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