Hey! This is my first blog entry, so lemme introduce myself. I'm a 21 years old female living in Canada. I'm very new at Drugs-Forum, so forgive me and let me know if I make any mistakes. My primary DOC is both meth and weed.
If you want to know more about me, just visit my profile and read 'About Me' if that's possible. Now to the actual blog entry...
09/16/16 - 12:28 PM
After two weeks of unpurposeful sobriety from methamphetamine due to buying bunk or very cut products off an unreliable dealer, I finally scored some decent meth.
Of course... At first, I'm wary so I do the bleach test. I filled up half of a shot-glass full of Clorox Original, a bleach brand, hoping it would do the trick. With the bunk/cut stuff, it floats briefly and then sinks promptly through the bleach. However, with this stuff I got, it stays on the top! I took this as a good sign since I heard that meth stays on the top with bleach.
I wasn't all that experienced at all, so I decided to do a crackback test as well. I got clear and solid spiderweb lines, which I also took as a good sign because the bunk stuff had very messy lines and even the occasional polka dot which I read was not a good sign at all.
After two good signs, I decided that it was time to smoke up a bit and see if it had a good effect on me. I measured out 0.08 grams worth of meth shards and put it in my blue-colored glass oil burner pipe and lit it up. Before with the bunk stuff, I foolishly smoked some and the brown color of the crackback scared me into thinking I was burning my shit, and now with this new stuff, using the same lighter and same method, it melted clear and had a clear crackback.
Talk about relief when I knew that it wasn't just my smoking technique, haha. Anyways, I smoked 3 puffs off the meth pipe and it was enough to give me moderate euphoria and good alertness/awakeness along with mental clarity. I then decided that it was valid meth, maybe not the very best, but valid after all.
Right now I'm very happy about this, and I feel like all my worries and stress has been lifted off my shoulders.
I may be an addict, but I know I can't function in life without the occasional reality escape induced by drugs. I just need to cope that way, I guess.
09/16/16 - 4:35 PM
I'm steering the line between two sides of a certain theory of cannabis - the theory that you can be actually addicted to weed. If there were anyone who is addicted to weed, that person would be me.
I find it impossible to go by a day without at least a small toke of weed. In instances like when I get hospitalized due to mental illness or as such, I do go days without weed but not without penalty.
I actually get nauseated in varying degrees - sometimes I get very nauseated to the point of gagging, sometimes it's a slight annoyance. Before when I was putting in an effort to quit weed, I always gave in and smoked weed due to the gagging which threw a wrench in my plans to withdraw from weed. Gravol tablets didn't help, even though it do help when I have actual nausea from general sickness like the flu.
I notice that I also struggle to sleep much more without weed, leading to long insomniac nights. Most nights I just attempt to waste time by reading random articles, jotting down daily checklists and to-do's, and just playing games in general or talk in chat rooms.
Vivid and scary dreams are also an issue coming off weed, making me roll around in sleep a lot. I dream false awakenings and have the occasional sleep paralysis which sucks because I don't get them when I smoke weed. It's bad enough to scare myself back to smoking weed even though it barely gives me a high anymore due to my high tolerance.
One of the symptoms reported in cannabis withdrawal is different degrees of anger - such as simmering, passive-aggressive anger all the way to major outbursts of rage. Sadly, I suffer from this as well. I do admit that I still get irritable even on weed, but it's far much less compared to coming off the weed. My kind of anger is very irritable and snappy, especially when the person I'm talking to is being dumb or slow. I also get mad when people carelessly say the wrong thing, but this is also being oversensitive.
Loss of appetite is a huge thing in my situation when I come off the weed. It's not so much like when a person feels simply not eating, as you experience on meth, but more like actual dislike of the idea of eating and feeling completely turned off. This is made much worse when I experience nausea as well, as mentioned earlier. Not even seeing or smelling my favorite food would help. The only thing that does help is smoking weed.
Lastly, the remaining major symptom I experience during weed withdrawal is a major lack of concentration. I simply cannot concentrate on anything, even if the stuff is very interesting. I usually just switch my focus around on other stuff every time I feel my mind drifting off. It can get so bad that I forget what the other person said mid-sentence, and then I have to ask, "Can you start over from the beginning?". This happens to me too often and it causes the person to question me.
Other minor symptoms are stuff like depression, emotional lability, anxiety, headaches, fatigue, and blurry vision.
So, in my case, it's entirely very possible that I am actually both physically and psychologically dependent/addicted to weed. I should donate myself to some researcher in the name of science, haha.
09/16/16 - 6:50 PM
Loading a large bowl into my brand-spanking-new clear glass oil burner pipe, approximately .15 grams measured by my moderately accurate scale, I get excited for what's coming next. The euphoria. The alertness. The clarity! I light up the pipe, meticulously melting down the meth shards I got earlier. I decide to let it spread around wide and then let it crackback, blowing out the remaining vapor.
Seriously, anyone out there that likes to examine the beautiful lines of a crackback? I know I like to examine the crackback every time it solidifies. I even use a bright LED industrial flashlight to illuminate the lines from the crackback, and boy, it sure makes it pretty.
After that, I decided to smoke up the bowl. I did maybe 4 or 5 puffs from the meth pipe and didn't finish the bowl. The white vapor was a bit less dense than I would have liked them to, but it was still dense enough for me to not worry. I had that dragon breath effect, which I always absolutely love!
After all this, I always have that creeping thought - am I really an addicted human? Nobody truly knows until it's too late, but that's a risk I'm willing to take because of the reason that the drugs, in general, exist to liven up people's lives and enrichen them with unique experiences/memories. In my mind, I am simply a psychonaut that's willing to play around with drugs for the rest of my life.
Dancing with meth,
Flailing in breath,
It's nowhere near regal,
But no wonder it's illegal.
Balancing the line of addiction,
Doing harm reduction with conviction.
Don't be swayed,
Nor be dismayed,
Don't let it control you,
If only you knew.
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