The fire has died and the Frying Pan has grown cold. It's over. This has been coming for quite a long time and I have been fighting it off as best as I knew how, but the time has finally come to say my farewell. I have been hammered by loss over ther past few months, what with the loss of the Rotten Little Kittens and some important people in my life, but the biggie came just a few days ago.
The Dog died. As I related in other entries here, she was not doing too well for the past few months. She had a back injury which cause a partial paralysis in her rear legs. I spent thousands of dollars of tests and treatment, finally settling in with twice-weekly rehab therapies using laser, acupuncture, massage, and water treadmill exercises. She was actually improving, and had regained the ability to get up and slowly move about herself. Then she just went downhill so fast.
I got her settled in her spot for the night, and she woofed for me around 2:30AM. She was completely blind and deaf, and she would wake up at night and not know where she was, so she would woof and I would come and sit with her. I went out and saw she was in some distress, so I made me a spot on the floor with her and laid there and petted her and told her everything was OK and I was there. I laid there and stroked her muzzle and face until she went back to sleep.
She died in my arms about 20 minutes later. In between breaths, my best friend of 14 1/2 years slipped away from me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I have known many things. I have known insanity and drug addiction. I have known hate and rage, fear and anger. But at the age of 53 years old, I realized that early morning that there was something I did not know until then.
I now know and understand sadness. I thought I knew what that was before this, but I didn't. This is heart-breaking, soul-crushing sadness.
It was also the icing on the cake, so to speak. It is time to move forward with life.
I will be winding up my affairs here and saying goodbye to my friends over the next week or so. I will also give a more complete reasoning of my choice in this in the appropriate section of the forum at that time. But it is over for good this time.
OK, I have put what explanations I am giving in the correct forum thread, so if you are interested, you can read about it in the Hello, I'm Back Or I'm Leaving thread.
Thank you, my friends. My victories are yours as well, because I could have never done this without you!
Goodbye, and may whatever deity you believe in keep you safe and well.