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  1. Mick Mouse
    The fire has died and the Frying Pan has grown cold. It's over. This has been coming for quite a long time and I have been fighting it off as best as I knew how, but the time has finally come to say my farewell. I have been hammered by loss over ther past few months, what with the loss of the Rotten Little Kittens and some important people in my life, but the biggie came just a few days ago.

    The Dog died. As I related in other entries here, she was not doing too well for the past few months. She had a back injury which cause a partial paralysis in her rear legs. I spent thousands of dollars of tests and treatment, finally settling in with twice-weekly rehab therapies using laser, acupuncture, massage, and water treadmill exercises. She was actually improving, and had regained the ability to get up and slowly move about herself. Then she just went downhill so fast.

    I got her settled in her spot for the night, and she woofed for me around 2:30AM. She was completely blind and deaf, and she would wake up at night and not know where she was, so she would woof and I would come and sit with her. I went out and saw she was in some distress, so I made me a spot on the floor with her and laid there and petted her and told her everything was OK and I was there. I laid there and stroked her muzzle and face until she went back to sleep.

    She died in my arms about 20 minutes later. In between breaths, my best friend of 14 1/2 years slipped away from me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

    I have known many things. I have known insanity and drug addiction. I have known hate and rage, fear and anger. But at the age of 53 years old, I realized that early morning that there was something I did not know until then.

    I now know and understand sadness. I thought I knew what that was before this, but I didn't. This is heart-breaking, soul-crushing sadness.

    It was also the icing on the cake, so to speak. It is time to move forward with life.

    I will be winding up my affairs here and saying goodbye to my friends over the next week or so. I will also give a more complete reasoning of my choice in this in the appropriate section of the forum at that time. But it is over for good this time.

    OK, I have put what explanations I am giving in the correct forum thread, so if you are interested, you can read about it in the Hello, I'm Back Or I'm Leaving thread.

    Thank you, my friends. My victories are yours as well, because I could have never done this without you!

    Goodbye, and may whatever deity you believe in keep you safe and well.

    Kerry

Comments

  1. Once.up.on.a.time
    I have read many of your posts. You are caring. Wise and use all you have learned to help others.

    I'm sorry we never got the chance to k is each other better.

    I'm so dos sorry about your dog. 1 1/2 years just passed since it happened to ours and it kills a part inside you never get back. I won't lie.

    At least you were there to be able to be the comfort. The hero of your pet in its last moments. Your pet isn't lost just out of your reach for now. I'm not religious. But one day you will meet again.

    You have much respect from what I have seen since becoming a member. And all deservedly so. You are young, don't take too much sorry to your grave. Remember the happy times. For your pet there were no sad ones and despite your loss I'm sure you feel the same.

    I hope you change your mind and stay where you have built a famy of people who love you as family. But only you can choose your fate and you are your own master.

    Thank you for all you have done here. You will be missed xxx
  2. detoxin momma
    im sorry i didnt read this sooner. my heart goes out to you.
    i know the feeling all too well when we lose a pet we've been bonded with that long, and it is soul crushing.like a piece of your heart goes with them.
    i had a persian cat for 14 years i had to put down because he went blind and was terrified of every noise and movement around him...very sad to witness...
    its better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all....hugs to you.
  3. thirdeyelasik
    This is a web forum y not just take a break...no big deal just come back when u can no reason for goodbye's.sorry about ur dog my mom died recently.
  4. Mick Mouse
    Hey mamma, your words remind me about what Tommy Lee Jones said to Will Smith in "Men In Black" when Smiths character said the same thing to Jone's character....."Oh yeah, try it!"

    And I mean absolutely NO disrespect by that either. But it has been almost a year now, and I miss her more with each passing day. It has not gotten any easier, and time has not dulled a goddamn thing. Every day, I look at the little box on my shelf that contains all that is left of my best friend, and every day, my heart breaks all over again.

    I rage against death, and I cry because I cannot change it. I sat there and held her in my arms as she slipped away, and there was not a goddamn thing I could do to stop it. I died myself right then.

    The love story between the Boy and his Dog will never end, it will just come full circle when they are finally reunited again.
  5. detoxin momma
    your last line shows signs of optimism, thats good to hear....I mean it when i say, i feel your pain.....I have "tried" it.....I know you mean no disrespect :vibes:

    i found myself dreaming of my dog that died recently, woke up feeling like i got to see him.I even whined here on the forum somewhere that i'd sacrifice a finger just to spend one more day with him, and its been several years!
    I was still randomly crying over Brutis at one year.
    The thing of it is, i didnt get to say goodbye, didnt get to tell him how much i loved him, didnt get to tell him he'd always be my favorite dog....one minute he was barking, the next minute he was dead in the road.
    It felt like a scene from a movie, the way i "lost time" as i took it all in. This was the first time i discovered what true heart break feels like.
    when they say you can't eat, can't sleep, can't function with a broken heart, they are right. you simply can not. only time can heal this kind of pain.

    Although, i have experienced the loss from both stand points. i had to put my 14 year old cat down, he had cancer and was suffering.I had him from 17 to 31, he had a hell of a good life.

    i held him tightly as the vet injecting him in his little arm. Got to tell him how much i loved him, what an awesome cat he was, etc etc....still, I will never forget, how pissed he was. He growled until his last breath, a deep angry growl i never heard come from him in 14 years.
    even still, this doesnt bother me like the loss of Brutis, because i got no closure with his passing.
    I hope i don't dream of him forever:cry:

    So, i do get it M, I'm not just saying that.
    I hope every day that passes you feel more and more better about your loss ((:)vibes:))) hugs
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