Merry christmas to you all! Today was a day that really flexed phenibuts ability to calm my nerves. I'm generally a shy person with or without anxiety. Going to places where I know there are a lot of people, like christmas dinner or a party as in todays case, really riles up my nerves. Thats not to suggest my anxiety is more social/situational its just something every shy person deals with. I normally get over the shyness once I get to the dinner or party and settle in, but I still don't converse much and keep to myself being Introvertedly minded.
Today was a a fun experience. I went out to meet people I never met before and see some people I have not seen in months. Normally I would be slightly anxious and shy. I normally would not have gone to a gathering like that. I woke up early in the morning to prepare my doses for the day. Amazingly christmas morning was fantastic. I was energetic, talkative, (sort of but more than usual) and generally just more interactive with the family. At the dinner I went to I had no fear, no shyness at all. I actually ate a decent sized amount of food as well.
The important thing to note here is my emotions. Every last christmas since I was a teenager due to the impact on my emotions and sociability I could have gotten the worlds greatest present and not get excited. I never wanted anything, nor did I ever ask for anything. This year I felt extremely grateful and happy with every gift I got. Even if it was something small I was still feeling very grateful just because somebody at least thought of me to get me the gift, big or small.
The motivation is still a major factor. Any other morning or holiday I would just sorta wake up knowing I'd be around people and not give a shit about how I looked, if I needed a shower, or if I didn't at least look presentable. This morning I woke up early with a plan I made the night before to wake up and shower knowing I'd be around people. I cleaned up fairly nicely which is not usual at all. I wanted to be presentable and wouldn't have it any other way.
At dinner...I never tasted food this way before. Such a small joy eating is, but today was different. On top of my increased mood, absolutely no anxiety, and feeling more social every bite I took was delicious. I ate foods I normally would hate. Every holiday I even think before hand about how much I hate holiday dinners because the foods are shit like ham, mac n cheese, etc. Not today. As soon as I walked into the room I instantly started salivating just at the sight of food I always hated. Once the smell of the food hit me all I could do was concentrate on how much I wanted it so much I completely ignored people who tried talking to me. I never had such desire or hunger in my life. This effect must be due to the phenibut since this occured about 3 hours after I dosed and typically it takes 2 hours for my dose to take effect and another 40-60 minutes to feel it in full effect.
After years of being a grinch on christmas and every other holiday of the year and most weeks of the month phenibut really brings me back down to earth. It brings out my natural emotion that I had before having any problems related to anxiety and the stress and social behavior along with it. More importantly it rids me of my introverted thought process. I have more desire and motivation. All of these things combined make life just as it should be. Full of happiness, motivation and the desire to strive for success.