For a very long time, I have felt the best years of my life are over. I don't know what made me start thinking that way, I'm 44, certainly not elderly (yet).
I guess what bothers me more, is that I am angry. I feel like I was cheated out of, or denied, a better life, due to the abuses suffered as a child and adolescent. I logically realize I am an adult, my choices are mine, regardless of the past. But emotionally, I find my thoughts tend to focus on my INABILITY to make good choices and decisions, and I place blame in the past.
Lately, I have been trying to overcome my self-defeating thoughts, and start recognizing that there's still much more life to enjoy, if I choose to make it joyful. I know that means I need to quit using my DOC (drug of choice) as a means to cope with life. I'm getting closer every day. Every day I am more and more disgusted by my habit, and more and more I realize it is holding me back.
So I guess starting my blog is a sort of diary for me, so maybe, just maybe, I can truly enjoy the rest of my life.
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