This isnt love

By bebestunna · Sep 3, 2015 ·
  1. bebestunna
    So I've been wanting to write for a LONG time now, it all started shortly after my son was born things were great more than great they were awesome, not long after my bf began drinking he said he needed something if he couldn't smoke weed ( we had both couched to quit for our son ) as he began drinking it went to the extreme with plenty of times having to remove myself and my son out of the situation. So as I'm sitting here tonight memories rush through my veins I'm so clouded with hurt, pain and lots of emotions, yes I can't say drinking is bad because I used to like to drink. But with a new responsibility life changes you can't do those things in preportion or or words get a babysitter. Now I sit here my son almost 2, a lying bf, first it started with the vehicle because he hit a car..hit and run..cause of drinking..than just last December he brought cocaine back into my life..I thought what the neck sure I will sniff NO SMOKING it though..well that didn't last long at all..he basically begged me to have boots..finally I caved..things still on the rise started with not coming home till late but I still managed to hang out with him. .than things took a huge fall money was running short we both wanted more crack it was never good enough. Finally I caved and gave up on him packed my things and my son's things every Thursday and left to stay with my parents. .wow and what a sigh of relief, I could breathe and just love to be sober and have family that cares.

    I went there every Thursday as I said, the reason for going was because I knew the drug use was bad and honestly I was getting sick of it, and I didn't want to be around my by. Well anyway did this for quite a long time through the whole summer I'd say than I decided it was time to come back home I came back and instantly knew he was sketchy and like trying to hide and leave still ALOT, had a talk and he had been smiling and giggling he says I have found something better than coke, but your not down. .I said no but please tell me, that's when my life, and my heart broke apart. .he called it speed. .I didn't even know what speed was really but I instantly ran upstairs into the bathroom and locked the door and started crying. ( worst day of my life, something I will never forget )

    There's more though... :(

    I stayed with him, he said he wouldn't do it than if I didn't approve, what a load of craps that was, Soo...this is where I come in and he was trying to be a good dad coming home after work not doing sketchy stuff..well as we were watching a movie he says to me u want a hoot?..naw I dont........didn't take him long to be holding the pipe while I took a hoot, not big and I knew inside my head this was I am a mother, I wouldn't labor myself an addict though, I smoked weed in the past and quit cold turkey, and had a thing for crack back in the day as well which somehow caught back up to me, not addicted to it what worries me now is I almost have a connection with the meth, ITS SO WRONG, I'm not dumb but it's making me want her, all I want is to b drug free and build my family bigger, family and drugs don't mix.

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