Giving the blog feature another try. I'm seriously a very sensitive person. Sensitive, not stupid. Last blog I tried to give daily things going on with my dealer and I, the kaos that came with it. It got back to me that it was thought of pretty comical and stupid, juvenile to some... I honestly don't really know why it bothered me like it did. But maybe the drugs haven't made me an egotistical asshole yet. Who knows..there is still time... we hide behind computers, big words, mocking people and casting judgment... not really looking inward. I would imagine that an egotistical persons worse fear is the mirror. Sometimetimes its so hard to look at yourself. I see it in the bar I work at all the time. Usually in a stooper. I feel for others, I try to relate. Even if I don't agree. There are people out there that are clueless, but not useless. That's all about that for now.
I've been doing a lot of research on nutrition lately.. trying to find benfits of certain foods that produce or aid dopamine levels. Restore metabolism, without significate down time and reducing cravings, supplements or herbal remedies that have natural boosting effects ...this has not been easy. Our bodies are very complex. I really wish I would have been able to finish college and been able to know a little more about this so I'm not starting at square one. And I can admit I'm looking for the easy way to repair the damage I have done. In vain. Maybe somwhere down the line DF can make a little spot for this kind of stuff too. I still haven't gotten through the whole site. It may already be here.
I quit for 3 days..I end up caving. I quit again..hopefully one of these times I can stay strong. My life has taken a new direction recently. Its a big change. Cleaning up is a must. I have only a cpl months to make the step. I'm excited and scared.. I'm ready to change. Even with fighting off addiction I'm positive I will win.
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