How does this shit even happen...
I started smoking ice because, being completely honest, I wanted to die. I was so depressed I didn't care about anything and I figured the shit would kill me. First mistake. Before I knew it I was addicted. I had bugs in my skin. I was breaking into cars to find shit to sell for drugs. I'd gotten rid of everything of value of mine. My pay was spent in tick before I even got it. I wasn't eating. I lost my family. I swore it wouldn't happen but I actually became 'that guy'. Well I thought I had the strength to quit if I wanted, I just didn't want to. I fell pregnant. I kept smoking, even though I was disgusted in myself and it made me sick, I was hooked. My boyfriend was smoking too, and we weren't ready for it. He ran, metaphorically speaking. We stayed together, but he was distant, sleeping with prostitutes, hurting me. It took me 6 months of my pregnancy before I decided he was shit and I moved out and quit cold turkey. I craved it like nothing else but I didn't touch it.
Until now. She is 6 months old, sleeping. Her dad is (surprise, surprise) not in the picture, unless you want to draw jail in that picture.. The problem is I'm here.. I've been fighting it for so long but I caved tonight. I'm an idiot. The cravings didn't go but they didn't give up and I did and know I don't know what to think of myself.
I know this is probably a pointless blog but I need to get this out somehow, and I sure as he'll can't tell anyone here.. What kind of parent does this.. I fucked up. Bad.
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