Turns out I'm a fuckwit.

  1. notgonnabelikethatguy
    How does this shit even happen...
    I started smoking ice because, being completely honest, I wanted to die. I was so depressed I didn't care about anything and I figured the shit would kill me. First mistake. Before I knew it I was addicted. I had bugs in my skin. I was breaking into cars to find shit to sell for drugs. I'd gotten rid of everything of value of mine. My pay was spent in tick before I even got it. I wasn't eating. I lost my family. I swore it wouldn't happen but I actually became 'that guy'. Well I thought I had the strength to quit if I wanted, I just didn't want to. I fell pregnant. I kept smoking, even though I was disgusted in myself and it made me sick, I was hooked. My boyfriend was smoking too, and we weren't ready for it. He ran, metaphorically speaking. We stayed together, but he was distant, sleeping with prostitutes, hurting me. It took me 6 months of my pregnancy before I decided he was shit and I moved out and quit cold turkey. I craved it like nothing else but I didn't touch it.
    Until now. She is 6 months old, sleeping. Her dad is (surprise, surprise) not in the picture, unless you want to draw jail in that picture.. The problem is I'm here.. I've been fighting it for so long but I caved tonight. I'm an idiot. The cravings didn't go but they didn't give up and I did and know I don't know what to think of myself.
    I know this is probably a pointless blog but I need to get this out somehow, and I sure as he'll can't tell anyone here.. What kind of parent does this.. I fucked up. Bad.

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  1. Cwb20022
    Not a pointless blog at all. You messed up once. Don't beat yourself up about it. Change it and don't use again. Try and think why you used. And change that in your life. If i beat myself up everytime I've used heroin I'd be in real bad shape. Instead just try harder.

    Just get up forget about it and start again tomorrow.

    Btw.. you can message me if you want. But there's a whole forum of people that understand what your going through.

    You got this. Peace.
  2. LittleBabyNothing
    Like it was said before- falling back one time does not mean that you have failed. More important is not to start to binge.And being able to properly take care of your baby.
  3. Cumulonimbus
    I think you should change the title of this blog to "Turns out I'm a Human". You're far from being a fuckwit and this is certainly no pointless blog. You used once (big deal) you're only human and not made of stone. "Failures are part of life, if you don't fail, you don't learn and if you don't learn you'll never change"

    Learn from this one and make that change :)
  4. Once.up.on.a.time
    Hey being a parent doesn't make you perfect. I am one and while I've not taken drugs I'm not perfect and I know I've made my fair share of mistakes. Give yourself a break.

    One time doesn't make you addicted. Keep fighting. Please message me if you need to talk xx
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