Here it is, two months later, and I'm still struggling to get off kratom.
I have made some progress. I used to take about 24-48 grams a day. (I used tablespoons for measuring most of the time-it was a while before I got a scale-so that's a rough estimate.) That was divided into multiple doses, of course. Now, I'm taking 16 grams a day, (again, divided into multiple doses,) but I can't seem to lower that dose any.
I tried cold turkey first-that was a disaster. I mean disaster:I attempted suicide, but thankfully was found. I know most people don't have that kind of reaction, but I have severe depression, PTSD, and a slew of anxiety disorders. I'm kinda screwed up.
But there are a hell of a lot of worse things that could be wrong. I'm lucky in that sense. Anyway-
So after that, I tried slowly tapering. It was hard-never expected it to be easy-but I was managing until I got to here: 16 grams divided into doses throughout the day. Every time I try to lower it, something happens. I don't mean discomfort or a bit of depression-I can put up with that. I mean mind-blowing panic attacks, heavy anxiety that will not stop,and the last time I tried I ended up self-harming.
Now I'm wondering, is it the withdrawal only that's making this so bad, or is it the fear I have of withdrawal and what might happen? If so, how do I conquer that fear?