Unhappy 35th birthday to the DEA

By Heretic.Ape. · Jul 23, 2008 · Updated Jul 24, 2008 · ·
  1. Heretic.Ape.
    [FONT=arial, helvetica][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Unhappy 35th birthday to the DEA[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Belated birthday greetings to the Drug Enforcement Administration.[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial, helvetica]
    [/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica]The DEA, which our great moral leader Richard Nixon created in 1973 and charged with the impossible but politically useful mission of winning the "all-out global war on the drug menace," turned 35 on July 1.[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial, helvetica]
    [/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica]So, how's its track record after 35 years of difficult, often dangerous drug-war-making? If the DEA were a heroin addict, it would have overdosed on its own incompetence by age 6.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Despite its failures and the harm it's done to American society, however, the DEA has done more than merely survive. It's become a typically bloated, self-preserving federal bureaucracy whose power, budget and continuing existence bear no relation to its performance.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]In 1974, the DEA had 1,470 special agents, a budget of less than $75 million ($346 million in 2007 money) and 43 offices in 31 countries.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Today, it has 5,235 special agents, a $2.3 billion budget and 87 offices in 63 countries.[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial, helvetica]If you consider wasting umpteen billions each year to lock up mostly pot smokers and other perpetrators of victimless crimes a valid measure of success in the war on (some) drugs, the DEA and its fellow state and local drug warriors deserve high praise.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Annual drug arrests have tripled in the last 25 years to 1.8 million in 2005 (when 43 percent of all drug arrests were for marijuana offenses). And we had about 500,000 drug criminals in various federal, state and local slammers in 2005, compared with 41,000 in 1980.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]The DEA touts its latest alleged successes in cutting demand for drugs on its Web page (usdoj.gov/dea/ pubs/cngrtest/ct031208_successes08.pdf).[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]If you can believe the DEA's current statistics or those annual pronouncements of tough-talking White House drug czars, we're winning the drug war — again and again.[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial, helvetica]
    Yet today illegal drugs are as plentiful and cheap as ever. And rates of drug use are essentially the same as they were when the DEA was born, according to Monitoring the Future, which each year since 1975 has studied the behaviors, attitudes and values of 50,000 American high schoolers.

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Based on Monitoring the Future's latest study, the DEA's most significant career victory over drugs is that the percentage of 12th-graders who reported using marijuana dropped from 40 percent in 1975 to 31.7 percent in 2007.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Otherwise, despite untold billions blown on the war on drugs, the percentage of kids in 1975 who reported using cocaine (5.6 percent) and heroin (1 percent) has dropped insignificantly to 5.2 percent and 0.9 percent, respectively, in 2007.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Meanwhile, a new study of drug use by the World Health Organization casts further doubt on the long-term efficacy of our war on drugs.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Of 17 countries surveyed, China and Japan had the lowest rates of drug use and the United States had the highest rate — by far.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Obviously, culture, economics and politics play important roles, but WHO's researchers found that there's no relationship between a country's strict anti-drug policies and its levels of drug use.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]Maybe it's unfair to dump on the DEA, especially on its birthday. It may be the most un-American federal agency this side of the IRS, but it's only following orders.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]It's not the DEA's fault that for 35 years Congress and seven presidents haven't had the brains or the political courage to decriminalize marijuana or at least work to humanize America's drug policy. Or that neither McCain nor Obama has promised to scale back a dirty war on the individual liberties of Americans that the Taliban would support.[/FONT]

    [FONT=arial, helvetica]So happy birthday, DEA. But not many happy returns.[/FONT]


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  1. Orchid_Suspiria
    Cheers to the DEA for many years of breaking families,putting non violent and decent people behind bars,and generally causing misery.Happy birthday pigs!
  2. Nargyle
    "I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday,
    I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday,
    because you're evil and you lie..."
    -The Smiths
  3. purplehaze
    Happy birthday DEA.

    Thanks dea for taking innocent lives away to put food on your table. Your job is of utmost importance, and you have set american culture back 100 years. You have truly shown that in your time deployed you are willing to destroy lives and reputations of all, and in your vigirous efforts you put your own sense of judgement and well being ahead of others by doing your "job".

    Congrats on making us look like douche bags.
  4. Panthers007
    Crawl away and die!
  5. fnord
    35 years?!? Sometiems being in a country with a high life expectancy rate really sucks...
  6. NeuroChi
    The DEA has existed for 35 years.

    Marijuana has been illegal for 71 years.

    Drugs have endured a fluctuating illegal status since the middle ages. The very first drug laws likely spawned from a religious authority. I wonder who was the first human being who first ever considered to prohibit other from putting what they wish into their own body... What nerve... and little did they know what they were creating.
  7. Nature Boy
    Congratulations to the DEA for providing the American public with 35 years of misery. Seems sort of unfitting to raise a glass without accounting for every needless shooting and incarceration. To all of those whose lives have been ruined, let's hope people don't have to deal with this bullshit for another three and a half decades.
  8. fnord
    Too bad we cant throw a rave in celebration of there birthday!

    I beleive probably the catholice church when brewers were banned from useing hops in there ales,or come to think about it it was the muslim ban on alcohol that probably started first folowed by bans/regualations on hashish.

    This is all off the top of my head so forgive me for any mistakes!
  9. Orchid_Suspiria
    I'm afraid it seems as if these idiots are here to stay and will make the lives of generations to come miserable.I hope in my lifetime I will see an end to the dea and the war on drugs but that isn't looking very hopeful.Unless we see a really big change in American society and politics it looks like we are going to have live under this miserable system for many years to come.It is just so hard to be optimistic sometimes.
  10. Panthers007
    Actually the first hard liquor distillation rig ever found was in the heart of the present-day Islamic nations. And in Afghanistan was found the first apparatus for smoking cannabis. Perhaps the war between drinkers v. smokers has been raging for longer than most surmised.

    Seems the drinkers usually win at first. Drunks are more inclined to using brute force to get their way.
  11. AquafinaOrbit
    Well, at least its employing people I suppose, just not for the right reasons.
  12. cra$h
    and teachers and rehab centers don't employ people? time for change, and it has to be soon, if it's not to late already.
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