ups and downs in recovery

By chillinwill · Sep 22, 2008 · ·
  1. chillinwill
    Swim was just thinking today about the ups and downs he has had during his short but still the longest time ever for him in recovery. He has 5 1/2 months clean now from his drug of choice heroin and the past couple of weeks, life has been so great! Making new friends, earning trust and respect back, feeling mentally and physcially better, etc.

    However, just today, for some weird reason, he has been really irritable and just not in a good mood. He's not even sure why he's having me write this other than this community on DF has helped him so much in his recovery. He has tried telling himself that recovery and life itself has its ups and downs but its not making him feel any better. He doesn't wanna go relapse (or at least haven't had really any major thoughts or cravings) but just feels weird or something.

    Swim's still living with his parents (since they took him in when he got kicked outta last rehab and had nowhere to go) and he is extremely grateful for that; however, he's 22 and feel like a child again living there. He wants to get on with life but don't have a job and isn't in school. He plans on going back to school next semester and his parents said they would help with financing for it if he stay clean. Not really sure where was going with that but anyways he still feel good about swimself and self-confidence and self-esteem has skyrocketed since when he was using and when he first got clean.

    The thought of heroin, crack, alcohol, etc still crosses swi- mind occasionally but he knows that if he were to go back into that shit again, he can't make it through another detox, rehab, etc as he's been through 7 rehabs already at age 22. Swim attend 1-2 NA meetings a week and feels like thats enough since he just goes to remind himself not to ever fall back into the old habits and what it feels like to be using, etc. I guess what I am just trying to ask or get my message across is how do others feel in recovery on here that have gotten to this point in recovery at a little over 5 months? Any words of advice of what swim can do to improve or help to make sure to avoid relapse?

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  1. Metomni
    Glad to see SWIY is doing so well. Just keep it up, at this point he has to know that it is possible as the worst is already over. Now it's just temptation, and SWIY is stronger than that. :)

    Good luck friend.
  2. savingJenniB
    Hi Chillin ~ My Aunt thinks she knows what your friend is going through. In the past year she's had many struggles set backs. Sudden onsets of irascibility, depression and lethargy are now the norm. She tells me that these unpredictable mood swings have been far more challenging than the initial cravings ~ which still linger in the shadows.

    She's tried alot of different stuff. Mega-vitamins, shrink-n-script, NA meetings all produced contraindicated results. Her rebellious nature just could stand for all that monitored, grade school crap. So she set out to challenge herself. Here are the two techniques she has found most effective: Perhaps your friend will find something helpful.

    #1 Submerge yourself a project ~ be it an artistic endeavor, a performance, garden show exhibit, or charity ball & a hockey league. Take a challenging class, paint the house, visit the Grand Canyon. "There's no time for peevishness when your mind & body are totally submerged in unfamiliar territory!

    #2 Sex ~ yes sex. Nothing like a nice O in the morning to get those endorphins flowing.

    My Aunt would love to tell your friend that it gets a better ~ a little easier everyday ~ but it sometimes it doesn't. She hates it when someone hands her that Polly-Anna bullshit. What she will say is that the good things in life are even better when you've earned them.
  3. Cakes
    SWIM is doing action x because he has decided that it is more advantageous for some reason. So let that great reason or reasons derive unto SWIM their benefit. SWIM has done the groundwork and now it is time for the reasons to do their work. Did he stop H so he could walk without falling down? well then let him go out walking. that may be a bit simple but it is the whole point. the fact is, if an action is worth taking<<<then let it be true. afterall, it is what the word "worth" means.

    life is worth living<<it's what they say, so lets see it. even Jenni's auntpollyanna says it may not get better but she isn't killing herself. she thinks it's worth living. so let it be.

    so, in times of trouble, let mothermary come to SWIM and respeak to him his words of wisdom...She would say, remember why you chose course of action x chillinWill? let's It be.

    so then u go do it.

    just do it.

    ...till ur satisfied.

    whatever it is
  4. Fight Club
    The most obvious answer is "just don't use no matter what".

    Keep doing the things that make you feel good, and make your time spent worthwhile.

    Continue to avoid people, places, and things that are triggers, or put you closer to the "danger zone" if a craving occurs.

    Find new ways to self-soothe. Find things you can do anywhere that will work for you to calm down and feel better when your thoughts and feeling get away from you, and the obsession to use kicks in.

    Continue to make sober friends, learn to call them just to touch base daily.

    Be honest with yourself and others. Keep no secrets.

  5. Ilsa
    ugh i know just what you mean about not being able to take another stint of getting clean--the initial process is hell. when i get irritable and start craving x, y, or z, i tend to think of how difficult it is to stop using, what i've given up and struggled to get back, and what i've gotten back after much time and's hard to stop the thought spiral that starts when a craving or bout of irritability crops up, but i've found that defaulting to this "look how far i;ve made it" mindset gets easier with practice and has the benefit of some positive reinforcement--you seem to have this down, as evidenced by your acknowledging the things you like about being clean. keep it up! you're doing very well :thumbsup:
  6. witchychick
    congrats on this achievement.. just wanted to acknowledge that :)
  7. nishanu
    you are doing really well swim keep it up and think of the future you have your whole life ahead of you please dont go down that road again it aint worth it even you no that
  8. Spinner
    That's really great, man! Keep it up and you'll be free. If you must, just stick to the less serious and non-addictive know, occasional weed and a few beers. I'm happy for you. ;)
  9. dirt
    Swim has been a heroin addict for five years or more. He and his wife have not used heroin for more than a year, I don&#8217;t know if swiy thinks he can get on with life never using another drug, if so the 12 step thing might be for you. however if you are like swim and his wife you could try some harm reduction here in California you can get medical marijuana to treat addiction.(swim and) swims wife was a hardcore heroine addict shooting like 3 to 4 grams a day she is still totally neurotic after 14 months clean (I guess she was never stable to begin with) but she heard of this thing in the many recovery groups that she had to go to, and she has found it to be true, that around anniversaries and holidays everything gets way to intense and real. SWIyou is coming up on 6 months and it&#8217;s really scary for drug addicts to accomplish things. drug addicts usually destroy things and are comfortable with that reality I don't want to go into to much psych. mumbo jumbo but it does get easier swim is constantly amazed that she can accomplish so much with out being shackled. It is awesome that swiyou have gone this long and swiyou know the hardest part is over. Swim also recommends spiritual awakening through the use of psychedelics. Nothing cleans the cobwebs out like a good dose of mescaline. this is not what you will hear at 12 steps but it is woking for swim . you must find what is right for swiyou. good luck , keep us posted
  10. godzcamera
    u will have ups an downs forever even when swim is on drugs you have ups an downs just that swim doesn't rea;ize them while he's high. do you take suboxone or methadone to help with your opiod dependecy i have taken before n it helps...helps thats all good luck to you. its a long hard road outta hell. just keep walking
  11. Mammon
    God knows if there's any overlap in how our lives are, but I have this conversation with myself that helps me through the tough shit.

    "Did you think every moment of your life was going to be great?"
    "Well this is one of the bad parts, the tough times - you knew they had to come"
    "So now we show character. Now we do the right thing and things will get better"

    It makes me sound like Gollum, or something, but I find it useful.
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