By Mick Mouse · Jan 5, 2012 · ·
  1. Mick Mouse
    For all of you out there who are married, did you use the "standard" vows as spoken by your civic or religious leader, or did you write your own? If you wrote your own, did you agonize over something until you had it just right or did you just kind of put something together at the spur of the moment? If you crafted a work of High Art, to be spoken to your loved one at the most important time in your life, did you choke under pressure and fuck it up there in front of friends, family, god, and everyone?

    I recently bought a new house and, as always happens when you move, you run across things that have been saved because of sentimental reasons, but that you haven't seen in years or even decades. In my case, I ran across all of our wedding things. Now, my wife and I had two wedding ceremonies-one when we got hand-fasted and one several years later when we had the civil ceremony. Because of the inherent nature of a hand-fasting ceremony, I, of course, wrote a masterpiece of wedding vows and prepared to swear undying love to my one and only, the light of my life, the reason for my existence, and so on.

    You know what's coming next, right?

    Yep, I fucked it up from the first word and things went downhill from there! First there was this deathly silence, and at that point, I knew I made my first mistake. We had provided all of the guests with a copy of the vows, but we decided to memorize them and say them from memory, so I knew that , not only did I screw up, but everyone knew that I screwed up.

    Then, rather than admit my mistake, laugh it off, and move on, I decided to soldier on as if nothing had happened. Now I'm under pressure though! A second mistake was made, then a third. At this point, I am starting to hear little sounds of laughter, and then the first comment was shouted out, offering advice on the consequences of NOT remembering my vows.

    My loving, my beautiful, my darling wife....is now looking at me with murder clearly written all over her face. She hissed something under her breath, but I couldn't hear it because of the blood pounding in my ears.

    Now I understand exactly how that stupid-ass deer feels when you got it in your headlights and right before it gets smashed out of existence by a force it can never comprehend! So, I took the only logical option that was left.

    I dropped the vows, took her in my arms, and spoke for the next 5 minutes right from the heart. To this day, I don't remember exactly what I said, but I was lucky enough that a friend who was there got it all down.

    Anyway, I ran across that piece of paper today. And they say that time travel is not possible! In an instant, I was transported back many years, to the very moment of the happiest time of my life. I find it amazing how a simple piece of paper and a brain-fart can change your life forever, so I thought I would share those words with you all.

    Remember, this is a Pagan Hand-Fasting Ceremony, so it is not a "typical wedding", but rather a large group of clad and semi-clad tree-hugging dirt-worshippers who found a very good reason to get together and have a good time and celebrate, so bear with me here!

    Aphrodite-Goddess of Love
    and the Sanctity of Marriage
    Make our cup runneth over
    and bless us with your love.

    Aphrodite-Rising from the wine-darkened sea
    Grant us health and fertility
    fidelity and trust
    Grant us wealth and virility
    honesty and lust

    Aphrodite-bless this union
    and make our two hearts beat as one
    Make the Fires of Passion
    Burn, without burning us
    Hot,without hurting us
    Blaze, without blinding us
    Fire without End

    Aphrodite-Force of Nature
    Let us love each other
    so long as we shall live
    Let us give each other
    all we have to give
    Let us be together
    in this Life, and the next
    Through Time without end.

    Aphrodite-Queen of Beauty
    We do you honor each time we make love
    Make our bond to last forever
    and grant us Eternal Love

    Goddess of the Wind-blown Foam
    give us healthy children and a happy home
    Bless this Union
    Smile on our Love
    and hear my vow

    To you
    my friend, my lover
    I vow
    To love you, cherish you, and keep you safe forever
    That it shall always be you before me and us before all
    You are the brightest light in my life-together we are one, while apart I wander alone in the darkness
    I would bend the World to your will, if you so desire, and I would alter the paths of the very Stars themselves, if you but ask
    For as I bind myself to thee, thou art bound to me
    We shall never be apart
    no matter the distance between us
    and I shall always find you
    Through lives without end
    from the beginnings of Time
    until Eternity ceases to be
    I am, and shall ever be,
    Always and Forever Yours

    Still kind of brings a tear to an old farts eye! Not because of sentimentalism (is that even a word?), but because it is still as true now as it was all those years ago.

    Oh, and just for those of you who might be wondering.....She rattled off her lines word perfect and without a glitch.

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  1. coolhandluke
    haha, thats really good from off the top of your head. makes me smile thinking about the day when i might take the walk down the isle. funny story though, i cant imagine the look on your wife's face when everything started to tank, must have felt like you were put into a pot of slowly boiling water.

    hope things with the mrs's are all good and well now :thumbsup:
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