I have always said that addicts are some of the smartest, cleverest, and most downright cunning people out there. If only they could use a fraction of that talent into getting and STAYING clean, it would be a piece of cake.
Tried to help the hubs detox. Subs didn't work, even though we waited until he was 27 hours into full blown w/d. So, he convinced me the next morning to let him go get "a bottle of methadone" from his "friend" who "doesn't have a phone and doesn't drive" but was positive he'd have meth and be perfectly ok with him showing up at his house at 9am.
And because clearly I'm an idiot, in addition to an enabler, I gave him my last $100 to go and get it. Can you guess what happened when he came home? he felt soooooo much better! just a lil' bit o' the ol' methadone and he's right as rain. droopy eyes, slurred speech and all.
So, I let it go, I know sometimes it takes more than one try. He signed up at the local methadone clinic yesterday morning. After he went and got high, of course. Today he went back for his second dose. After he got high...of course.
I'm only one person, and I can only take so much, and I'm about to break. His shame and also, if you wanna get right down to it, I believe his lack of commitment has him begging me not to reach out to anyone else for help. I can't do this on my own. Why should I? How is that fair. I am SO ANGRY most of the time I just want to punch him in the face. But then I remember...this is HIS difficult time. I have to support HIM, and not be angry at HIM because addicts need support. What about me? We are both in this relationship with his drug problem.
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