Sorry if the blog rules have changed more than I am aware of, but I have not used mine for quite some time, I figure this is as good a place as any, and I also figure there will be tangents dealing with the ramifications of drug use among other things. It's a purely hypothetical/philosophical rant, and it's more for me to think a few things out, but since I've been aspiring to write, I figure everything should go down, even the deep-dark-cookoo's-nest material.
At first it was the mental manifestation of heart break. We all go through this. We grow up, or at least we think we do, and then at around the age of n+4 (where n is the age of one's puberty) we hit this wall. I don't usually use "we" in my writings, but this wall is universal. Whether it be in the form of a devilishly lustrous vixen, the death of a fellow human(or even pet, in which case the lesson is learned at a much younger age, maybe too young for some), the inability to create something artistic, the realization that society is always breaking...I mean it's possible that we don't learn all these things so early in life, but I believe there are those glimpses (foresight if you will) that warn us.
But we ignore these, or maybe we just don't know what to look for. So we get blindsided. And our hearts break.
The world is cold.
But we move on. People say, "Time heals all wounds" and, "This is why faith is important." Right. So next it comes as the mental realization that what we've lived for (all the way down to why life is even important in the first place) is simply moss on that rock over there. So it's unbelieveable to hurt so bad, a cracking spine feels better, but then time actually does work. Even better than oxy, it wipes that shit clean (but do we really want to forget? Isn't that what we're doing when we "wipe the slate"?). So then a new individual awakens who is supposed to follow the ways of the old one while building on mistakes.
But if we're "healed" by time, how are we to build on these forgotten mistakes? Are we to bring them back only to experience them again? We use these memories to define what we want, but 10 years down the road we are different. So this definition is off by just so much.
Is that "so much" the next form? Is the realization that we could be so much better than we are, at the present, is that as mind crushing as the other forms? Is this the physical manifestation? That our mindset leads to our fulfillment of goals?
Why then are we not able to simply will love? and trust? and happiness...Happiness flutters around like that butterfly when no danger is around, but the moment strife hits, he's gone. It's beautiful and hardly obtainable, but it's there even if it leaves.
Doesn't it always come back? In 10 minutes? in an hour? tomorrow? next season? in the future, sometime? So what is this waiting around for happiness? Wouldn't it be logical to simply go find it, instead of waiting for it? Well, what if it is as rare as a white tiger or a dodo bird? How do you capture that white tiger before it gets away....
Once it gets away, it's gone. Is it simply the difference between getting your tiger and failing to? Just like that Robert Frost poem, which path are you gonna take? How can one even know?
Understanding is what we need. Understanding and sympathy. Understanding and sympathy and care. Yeah, only those things.
Good luck to us, if only money were everything. If only big breasts were beauty. If only things were easy, then there would never be understanding of how valuable life is. But strife shouldn't equate to understanding.
Or maybe it should, after all, how are we supposed to learn? Progress always comes, just not in the most expected of ways.
I'm not even editing this, it's truly from the heart, hopefully it means something to someone.
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