What is depression?

By Metomni · Feb 21, 2010 · ·
  1. Metomni
    Sorry if the blog rules have changed more than I am aware of, but I have not used mine for quite some time, I figure this is as good a place as any, and I also figure there will be tangents dealing with the ramifications of drug use among other things. It's a purely hypothetical/philosophical rant, and it's more for me to think a few things out, but since I've been aspiring to write, I figure everything should go down, even the deep-dark-cookoo's-nest material.

    At first it was the mental manifestation of heart break. We all go through this. We grow up, or at least we think we do, and then at around the age of n+4 (where n is the age of one's puberty) we hit this wall. I don't usually use "we" in my writings, but this wall is universal. Whether it be in the form of a devilishly lustrous vixen, the death of a fellow human(or even pet, in which case the lesson is learned at a much younger age, maybe too young for some), the inability to create something artistic, the realization that society is always breaking...I mean it's possible that we don't learn all these things so early in life, but I believe there are those glimpses (foresight if you will) that warn us.

    But we ignore these, or maybe we just don't know what to look for. So we get blindsided. And our hearts break.

    The world is cold.

    But we move on. People say, "Time heals all wounds" and, "This is why faith is important." Right. So next it comes as the mental realization that what we've lived for (all the way down to why life is even important in the first place) is simply moss on that rock over there. So it's unbelieveable to hurt so bad, a cracking spine feels better, but then time actually does work. Even better than oxy, it wipes that shit clean (but do we really want to forget? Isn't that what we're doing when we "wipe the slate"?). So then a new individual awakens who is supposed to follow the ways of the old one while building on mistakes.

    But if we're "healed" by time, how are we to build on these forgotten mistakes? Are we to bring them back only to experience them again? We use these memories to define what we want, but 10 years down the road we are different. So this definition is off by just so much.

    Is that "so much" the next form? Is the realization that we could be so much better than we are, at the present, is that as mind crushing as the other forms? Is this the physical manifestation? That our mindset leads to our fulfillment of goals?

    Why then are we not able to simply will love? and trust? and happiness...Happiness flutters around like that butterfly when no danger is around, but the moment strife hits, he's gone. It's beautiful and hardly obtainable, but it's there even if it leaves.

    Doesn't it always come back? In 10 minutes? in an hour? tomorrow? next season? in the future, sometime? So what is this waiting around for happiness? Wouldn't it be logical to simply go find it, instead of waiting for it? Well, what if it is as rare as a white tiger or a dodo bird? How do you capture that white tiger before it gets away....

    Once it gets away, it's gone. Is it simply the difference between getting your tiger and failing to? Just like that Robert Frost poem, which path are you gonna take? How can one even know?

    Understanding is what we need. Understanding and sympathy. Understanding and sympathy and care. Yeah, only those things.

    Good luck to us, if only money were everything. If only big breasts were beauty. If only things were easy, then there would never be understanding of how valuable life is. But strife shouldn't equate to understanding.

    Or maybe it should, after all, how are we supposed to learn? Progress always comes, just not in the most expected of ways.

    I'm not even editing this, it's truly from the heart, hopefully it means something to someone.

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  1. G_nome
    Great post, thanks for sharing.
  2. RealGanjaMan
    Awesome thoughts, thanks for sharing!

    Never forget that all that matters and all we have is now. One could get lost in the past – or the future, for that matter – for all of eternity. But in reality, there is only one moment, and that is now.
    If speculation into the past and future brings you happiness, or something good, then by all means keep thinking about it. But if it brings you confusion, regret, or something bad, then cut those thought patterns loose.
  3. Pringles
    When swim thought about these things he wondered why ? Life can give very hard experiences. Raw & heart breaking to the level of mental illness for some. As a defense some become immune to emotion to protect themselves. Swim considers the idea that there is no reason, no planning, just that life & its harshness happen because they can. Also love & pain cant exist without each other. If you have the indescribable experience of being in love & its not returned or lost then you have a very very long way to fall. As Bananaskin said
    & what a wonderfully true statement that is. It is also true that if you don't care then you will not experience those indescribable feeling that life gives. The answer for swim is don't take things for granted, appreciate them because they might not always be there, but also to care, empathize & take the risk, let the barriers down & allow yourself to feel it & fall in love with life again. Be nice to people, you may not always get it back but if you don't then you never will.
  4. G_nome
    Yeah, this is the way swim lives his life at the mo. Seems to be working so far.
    Now whenever he feels anxious about going out, he just tells himself "fuck it", and just does it. Too much dwelling on the anxiety and whatever's making ye anxious only makes it worse.
    And he also tries to give a good vibe out, even in the face of adversity.
  5. cra$h
    Now this leads to the ultimate question in life, how much can one handle a dry spell of unhappiness? And what if happiness is found in the "wrong" place? But aren't we supposed to support what makes one happy in life? after all, it's what swim believes the purpose to life entirely is. If it's not making you happy, and never will, why continue? But as I was saying, when is the breaking point when you just decide to give up? When things seem to be going wrong, or possibly worse, nowhere for seemingly forever, what do you do then?
  6. seeingred
    These are Interesting inner thoughts. Heartache shuts us down, and we go looking for fixes(a lot of us) . It doesn't really go away until you find the meaningful in life. How? Well to attach meaning to small things helps. Would you want to alter the lonliness or heartbreak that is the essential nature of the earth in ways? I haven't. And so far have never known myself to have mood issues.
  7. gooshimin
    I really like what you are saying. "Isn't happiness worth waiting for?"

    Thank you for explaining why happiness may fade for awhile. And thanks for telling me that it will return. I wondered, why bother if only to lose it again. You answered that for me. Awesome. I am learning, that's all. I am in transition and the more readily I accept the change in my circumstance the sooner I will return to happy. That is adzactly where I am. People have let me down and in my refusal to see these people as they are instead of how I want had left me bitter and stubborn and absolutely unhappy. If only I am to quit fighting and forcing my way onto others, my path will be dramatically easier thus back to my happy state but much wiser.
  8. onzero
    happiness, sadness, compassion, love, understanding... depression is not a lack of these things, it's an abundance.

    the depression we experience in developed nations around the globe reads just like your post, it's a question more than a problem that needs a solution.

    we are depressed, because we are happy. we all have everything we absolutely need, even the poorest most destitute people of developed nations don't go without food. in america those living below the poverty line are actually significantly more obese than those living above it.

    our primitive, animal needs are being met, you've got friends... maybe a lover or even lovers... you need nothing, you only desire and want and those things are fickle because they aren't rooted in anything basic like the need to eat or drink water or find shade when it's hot.

    but yes i think most of us experience depression after we experience a great loss, for me it was the loss of love, i've experienced opiate withdrawal, losing love is much worse. opiate withdrawal scarred me enough to teach me not to go back, love withdrawal scarred me so much that the entire idea of "going back" and "to what" got turned on its head, because i couldn't go back. the place i had lived my whole life was gone, i felt like everyone i knew died and was replaced with talking mannequins, i was no longer a part of it. disconnected by fear and the pain of loss. something even ten years worth of time hasn't remedied.

    personally, once my heart broke, it never healed and i don't think it ever will or can. i had experienced depression before it, but now it defines me and i will never be the same. i don't wear it like a badge of honor, i am neither proud nor resentful, but i am forever changed. we all seem to cling to this idea of infinite renewal of the spirit, body, and mind, but the truth is, every choice we make changes us. our very identities are made from the collections of choices we've made.

    at the end of the day, we move forward in spite of pain, maybe for a chance at redemption, maybe because to live is to suffer and the suffering is what keeps us alive. a new mother knows the suffering it takes to create life, how much more suffering does it take to sustain it?
  9. Mick Mouse
    "Happiness flutters around like a butterfly when no danger is present, but the moment strife hits, he's gone"

    Not true. Your life can be filled with difficulties, but you can still be happy. It is just a state of mind!

    I'm disabled, chronic pain, dependent on narcotics to get through my day, and I feel like shit most of the time, but I'm happy.

    Why? Because I'm the luckiest person in the world! I should have died from my condition 30 years ago. In that 30 years, I met and married a wonderful woman, had a gang of good kids, a herd of good dogs, and many, many things that I would have never experienced. I've had a life!

    I hurt like hell all the time and I'm happier than a pig dipped in mud because I'M ALIVE!

    Pity the man with no shoes, until you meet the man with no feet.

    it's all in the way you look at things!
  10. inazone
    The 1st time my heart broke it left the deepest scar and since then Ive experienced different types of relationships and loves, a few left scars of their own but not all. Some experiences and relationships balanced out the hardships Ive experienced. Ive noticed at times the struggle was more rewarding than the end result but challenges have a way of making me feel alive. For me life has always in some way been about feeling, feeling a certain connection as I have after reading everyones comments on this blog. Sometimes I feel to much and other times I do not feel enough and look for ways to feel better. At present I feel like reading this blog was illuminating...
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