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  1. derpahderp
    Within recovery there are those blehh days as well as those chill days. The kind of days where gravity seems to be on your side.. even with the weight of the world still on your shoulders. Simple things to start off the day just goes right:

    -had interrupted sleep but still have energy to feel productive about your day
    -the sun is out and it's not too hot but just right with a breeze coming in
    -And all the other simple little pleasures that goes within a day goes just right.

    Tbh, it started out with just good news from an old friend and it was just great hearing from them. Mind wasn't racing all day and I was able to get some solid hours for work, errands and got some exercise getting my ass whooped again on the courts (not everything can go my way). After the day is said and done it's just nice to be able to relax with the TV, some music and mess around time on the interwebs. Yeahhh.. you know, keeping life simple.

    A poster had once told me
    I can understand that completely and sometimes it's nice not to have the instant updates and being able to formulate ones thoughts in a blog, forum or even in a letter(email). Everything about getting things a bit faster has turned our heads on a swivel, smh. That instant gratification that can tie in so easily with addiction (or how I relate it in my mind).

    My point?

    Dont rush everyday. We can try for good days everytime we wake up.. and even if it doesn't happen All the time.. sit back and literally just chill with some good thoughts about your day. End it as such and begin a new one.

    -day at a time.

    currently listening to: You Da One by: Rihanna
    via Pandora

Comments

  1. derpahderp
    Sleep. Sleepless night.. Found myself smiling and the restlessness departed.

    Anyone, at least in my own situation, wants sleep. Total exhaustion from your day. Insomnia is my 'gift' for forced sleepless nights last year. So goes the life of a retired party Go'er.

    Last night, was not much different from occasional sleepless nights. I'm tired and take melatonin a few hours before I head to bed. Toss and turn a bit to find a comfortable spot. Turn the lights back on to read a bit.. Doesn't work.

    Head to kitchen for some water and unplug my e-cig. Looking out into my backporch, a memory from last year comes to me..

    (The fog had rolled in that night. Been on a two day bender. It's hella cold and I'm sitting out there enjoying a cigarette at the early hour of 3am. There was nothing but silence, but of course my brain comes up with something to be paranoid about.

    Dread passed over me.
    I'm scared for no good reason at all).

    At that point of remembering this night, I start to smile and have a brief but overwhelming sense of satisfaction. I realised, my brain no longer registers those lame paranoid thoughts anymore. Went out on the porch and enjoyed the cool air. Looked around at my surroundings and felt calm.

    Turned back into bed and fell fast asleep. Didn't get the usual sleep from a great night.. But it still ended up feeling like a Good Night.
  2. derpahderp
    (Five months ago)
    "bad stuff happens all the time.. Don't think you are the only one shit happens to. It's all about how you react to it and come back on top of life." -friend

    He was reminding me to wake the fu-up and smell the roses.. To man up and move past pain, loss and any underlining denial. It all depends on when a person is willing to listen ;)

    Peace
  3. Thirst4knowledge
    So true. And it can't be forced. One day we are ready;we hear and we understand.

    Good to see you back DahD. Your recent contributions make me think you'd like this-
    :vibes:
  4. derpahderp
    I'm listening T4K. Reading and re-reading that post really hit the mark for how I felt last year and how I'm moving forward. The whole thing fits perfectly. Especially the part in the middle

    "Don't believe in the reality of good
    and bad experiences;
    they are like rainbows."

    Your share reminded of this..

  5. Thirst4knowledge
    Ah, DahD,thank you for sharing that wonderful poem. The art of losing becomes familiar to people of my age. A friend and I were discussing this only yesterday. Sometimes we will lose a politician or two, sometimes the most important word in a sentence, or a much needed item. We discussed how much time we waste searching for these things, only to find them when we are looking for something else. We have become adept at finding a lost word for the other. Or sometimes neither of us will be able to find that word, but will instinctively know what the other one means. This takes practice ;) We have grown accustomed to finding objects as soon as we have bought a replacement. Far from being a disaster, the former item will be invaluable when the replacement is mislaid, which at some point it will be. Frustrating it may be, but disaster it is not.

    Losing those we love is so much harder because they can never be replaced. But we learn to make adjustments so that living without them is not a disaster though it may at first feel that way. Once acceptance takes the place of disbelief it gradually becomes easier and even possible to love again; this time with renewed appreciation - for we have learnt it's value, how transient all things can be, including life.

    As transient as rainbows.
    :vibes:
  6. derpahderp
    Currently watching: Charlie Bartlett

    Comedy-drama; teen pseudo psychologist/problem listener turns Rx pusher and gains popularity.

    Anton Yelchin
    Kat Dennings
    Robert Downey Jr.
    Tyler Hilton

    --
    Now, I'm not saying this was the best movie of all time.. But it did strike a chord with me. The main character utilized the art of listening/problem solving and offered solutions.. Heh, that of course made me think of the forums.

    Some parts were overboard and also a bit teeny bop American Pie. There was some satirical jokes at throwing Rx's to folks for solving our issues.. Which can be That overboard. :)

    I enjoyed the movie for what it's worth. It made me think about some the escapes I'd done in my sessions. The feeling of letting all the stress of the world peel away, forget any pains and feel like a kid again (living without worry). Those things were some of the reasons I'd initially found appealing to all the euphoria. When in reality, all I really wanted was to just talk to a few friends every now and again.

    Anywho.. It was surprisingly enjoyable flick imho.
  7. derpahderp
    Yesterday, I thought about a few folks who used to post here. One poster in particular, will throw out a video on their thoughts. Occasionally Ill log on to see how this person is doing.

    So, I was listening to a video the other day and about midway into the segment he started talking about how he felt about things. It was a surreal moment, that didn't seem rehearsed and came out very sincere. The person said:

    "It's funny... and nothing.. like uh.

    It's like that with everything. Everything bothers me when Im sober. I just got to be high to tolerate shit. I know this isn't a fulfilling type of happiness and know there's no substance behind a life of drug use. Whatever though. I'd rather be high.. and have no substance in my life... then deal with reality and sadness."

    Those words hit home with me because at one point I'd shared a bit of that view.

    I'm guessing there was one time others felt that way. Unfortunately, there might not be a quick solution or even words one can say to make another person happy/whole. Sometimes those realizations are made within your own expression and interests in life. Death isn't scary, but living in pain sure is (something I know about through sadness and distress ;) ). Common ground, was meant to be seen as encouragement.

    Keep living and fighting CB. Whatever your going on with and coping with.. be strong. I'm one of the ones you'd touched with your posts. Whether I agreed or disagreed, there's always a level of respect that I'd given you. Keep vlog'ing.


    ---
    09/15/2013
    I'd asked a question recently in another thread

    Reason number one to stay is that helps keep me sane. I wouldn't want to use social media since things are easily misunderstood. Here's a good example:

    Not so long ago I 'liked' a page about marijuana legislation. About an hour later I received a message from a family member. The ending went something like please be careful about any drug pages since our nephews and nieces may see it. Awkward silence.... Okay, fine :)

    This is what I had wanted to say:
    "I'm hoping someone still isn't thinking about our debate on Rx cards. Just a heads up, those links you may have seen are legislation laws for anyone to read. Had they clicked on it the kiddos would find information on the opposition and information for those who would like to see more Rx marijuana distributors in their states.

    If they were to ask why, they might remember the time when Uncle was sick and had to go through treatments. They might have gone further to do a bit of research on the topic we were originally discussing.


    But opted out this was said:
    "Haha, okay will do. Tell everyone I love them."


    Peace
  8. derpahderp
    Furthering oneself or looking into this life gets a bit bigger each day. Case in point. Today I'd logged on to find reasoning and understanding. Honestly I logged on to do one thing, and then start my day. Before leaving, I saw everything to slowly be okay, and felt humbled. Turned a bad feeling, into feeling sympathy on what may be happening. Those moments shared, are good enough for me. Have a good day.
    ,
    Peace
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