When will it ever end!!

By ZenobiaSky · May 30, 2012 · ·
  1. ZenobiaSky
    It seems ever since my close friend died, I can't stand to be around anyone. Everybody needs my support for one thing or another, but does it ever end? Don't they realize I need some time to myself. And my Cow, well she's a wreck too, just can't stop using, both smoking and snorting. Her finances are very controlled due to her diagnosis for which she is on disability. No more resources. It's gotta stop, stress, drugs, all I see a melt down in the future. After 16 years of sobriety, you really begin to wander, will it ever end? Is this just my mid life crisis, or are things really this bad, and some please throw me a ladder so I can climb out of this hole I've dug around myself. How quickly I got so deep inside this hole. And I'm going to puke if people keep telling me how strong I am, really cause I don't think your the one living inside my head as I do every day. They aren't the ones every two weeks filling up her pill packet with the 15 or so medications she's on. But I suppose we do what we do to survive......Today, for me, it was chemo day (low dose, not cancer or anything)... so I smoked it up!!! (Flossy quit acting like your me and go back to your pasture)... That's all for me tonight, good night, and peace out for now

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  1. DocBrock
    If you continue to offer support, the requests will keep coming in, and it will grind you down. They don't ( often ) realise what they're doing until it is too late. It is seen by the requestor as a simple, minor, benign issue. They don't see, don't think, don't realise that attending to everyone elses needs is seriously affecting you.
    Don't refuse, as someone may actually need or require, but ask if they just deal with themselves this time because....
    Well, don't do as I once did and imply someone was a needy, emotional leech.

    Sometimes, just by saying you're up to your arse in it and could do with either peace and quiet or some help yourself can turn a needy person, through equal, to actually helping you. Not all sadly.

    Try what we do. Mobile phone off, land line unplugged. If someone says 'can you meet me at', respond with 'yeah, pick me up at X'O'Clock' or whatever.

    For each burden they wish for you to carry, they make the effort.

    To the requestors, you seem strong. What they fail to realise is you are hollowing. Each time you allow someone to shift their burdens to you, it makes it easier for them to do so in future. Don't wind up a buckaroo.

    ps. The grief from losing a close friend is not significantly less than that of a sibling. Seek help for that if nothing else. Grief is nasty and insidious. It can undermine a lot of your self maintenance mechanisms and the knowledge that just a pill, powder, spike or smoke takes the pain away brings demons to the fore.

    Please try to find some quiet time, and stop being so strong.
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