It seems ever since my close friend died, I can't stand to be around anyone. Everybody needs my support for one thing or another, but does it ever end? Don't they realize I need some time to myself. And my Cow, well she's a wreck too, just can't stop using, both smoking and snorting. Her finances are very controlled due to her diagnosis for which she is on disability. No more resources. It's gotta stop, stress, drugs, all I see a melt down in the future. After 16 years of sobriety, you really begin to wander, will it ever end? Is this just my mid life crisis, or are things really this bad, and some please throw me a ladder so I can climb out of this hole I've dug around myself. How quickly I got so deep inside this hole. And I'm going to puke if people keep telling me how strong I am, really cause I don't think your the one living inside my head as I do every day. They aren't the ones every two weeks filling up her pill packet with the 15 or so medications she's on. But I suppose we do what we do to survive......Today, for me, it was chemo day (low dose, not cancer or anything)... so I smoked it up!!! (Flossy quit acting like your me and go back to your pasture)... That's all for me tonight, good night, and peace out for now
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