1. WashedCNDL
    Today before work I dosed up on 2.1g of Gabapentin and 440mg of Naproxen Sodium. Normally I dose 6g for recreation. I also acknowledge I would probably be helped if I took the medication therapeutically, yet I am terrified of building a dependency and having withdrawals...that and I enjoy the recreational effects greatly.

    Anyway, work was beautiful! I didn't have nearly as much back pain as normal. I was supremely calm. We had a crazy "dinner rush" where I was making sandwich after sandwich. Cool as a cucumber I did things well and felt in control. Much better than previous shifts where I was shaking uncontrollably from anxiety, even after taking 1mg of Ativan I didn't stop shaking, that same shift I did take another 1mg and calmed down slightly.

    Yet it felt as if I was attempting to strangle my anxiety and it wasn't working. With the Gabapentin it felt as if my anxiety said "hey, it's cool". I was thrown a lot of stuff too, using the register and closing up with only one other new coworker. Yet I took all the challenges in stride and did my best. It felt great.

    I have to make sure I save enough Ativan to get me to sleep after my upcoming entheogenic ritual. I decided to put 5mg in a separate bag. I have 23mg in 1mg pills left in the bottle. That 5mg is easily enough to knock me out. I have a history of serious sleep problems after trips. Long lonely nights spend trying to keep calm. I always feel better after some sleep.

    All in all, it was a good productive day

Comments

  1. aemetha
    It get's easier. I always had the worst anxiety any time I started a new job, turn into a fumbling mess and break stuff by accident, real good look for the first day.

    Pretty soon you won't feel anxious about being at work, you'll develop a healthy anxiety around figuring out ways to get out of it!
  2. ChickenArise
    I tried a recreational dose once and it felt terrible. Not for me but hey glad it works for you.
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