Today before work I dosed up on 2.1g of Gabapentin and 440mg of Naproxen Sodium. Normally I dose 6g for recreation. I also acknowledge I would probably be helped if I took the medication therapeutically, yet I am terrified of building a dependency and having withdrawals...that and I enjoy the recreational effects greatly.
Anyway, work was beautiful! I didn't have nearly as much back pain as normal. I was supremely calm. We had a crazy "dinner rush" where I was making sandwich after sandwich. Cool as a cucumber I did things well and felt in control. Much better than previous shifts where I was shaking uncontrollably from anxiety, even after taking 1mg of Ativan I didn't stop shaking, that same shift I did take another 1mg and calmed down slightly.
Yet it felt as if I was attempting to strangle my anxiety and it wasn't working. With the Gabapentin it felt as if my anxiety said "hey, it's cool". I was thrown a lot of stuff too, using the register and closing up with only one other new coworker. Yet I took all the challenges in stride and did my best. It felt great.
I have to make sure I save enough Ativan to get me to sleep after my upcoming entheogenic ritual. I decided to put 5mg in a separate bag. I have 23mg in 1mg pills left in the bottle. That 5mg is easily enough to knock me out. I have a history of serious sleep problems after trips. Long lonely nights spend trying to keep calm. I always feel better after some sleep.
All in all, it was a good productive day