I ran into a lady crying in the middle of a seemingly happy family and asked her what was wrong....this was her reply:
Before today I have been completely surviving as a chemical personality. Opiates,benzos,meth,ambien,phentermine,alcohol,pot.....you name it I tried it. I don't know why I need to be on a chemical every waking moment, and I am sad and exhausted. I am commited and prepared to change. I have spent 16 of my 32 years on earth altered, and the last 8 have been a real pain in the ass! With one small period of sobriety (almost 2 years clean) before letting a betrayl of trust justify relapse. Opiates are the devil for me. Once I start it is not long before I forget how to function without them. I have big goals that require mental and emotional stability, and it will be impossible with that monkey on my back. My marrige is suffering. And I am an empty shell of myself existing rather than living.
I have spent the last few weeks preparing for this. I am out of class for 8 more days. I have tapered my dose for weeks, obtained Immodium, benadryl, vitamins, lysine, and a little Kratom. I still have some of my Klonopin, and a little pot, and Ambien for sleep. I realize some of those things are not perfect for detox, but I have to do what will work for me. The only constant drug in my life is opiates, and thats the one thats gotta
go. Today I have taken all the supplaments, had a glass of kratom tea, and induced a day of sleep with Ambien. I have only been up for 3 hours of today, and am going to smoke a joint, take more vitamins, get some food down, take a few more Ambien and sleep. I will most likely continue this for the next few days so the worst will be over. Then I will remove the rest of the unhealthy components, save the Ambien for nights when PAWS is still present but I have a big day ahead.
I am going to try and journal my experience daily so if I ever think it's harmless to take a few vicodin again I can see where I am gonna end up.
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