Working on Being the Best Version of Me I Can Be.....

  1. Relapse_Rollercoaster
    I ran into a lady crying in the middle of a seemingly happy family and asked her what was wrong....this was her reply:

    Before today I have been completely surviving as a chemical personality. Opiates,benzos,meth,ambien,phentermine,alcohol, name it I tried it. I don't know why I need to be on a chemical every waking moment, and I am sad and exhausted. I am commited and prepared to change. I have spent 16 of my 32 years on earth altered, and the last 8 have been a real pain in the ass! With one small period of sobriety (almost 2 years clean) before letting a betrayl of trust justify relapse. Opiates are the devil for me. Once I start it is not long before I forget how to function without them. I have big goals that require mental and emotional stability, and it will be impossible with that monkey on my back. My marrige is suffering. And I am an empty shell of myself existing rather than living.

    I have spent the last few weeks preparing for this. I am out of class for 8 more days. I have tapered my dose for weeks, obtained Immodium, benadryl, vitamins, lysine, and a little Kratom. I still have some of my Klonopin, and a little pot, and Ambien for sleep. I realize some of those things are not perfect for detox, but I have to do what will work for me. The only constant drug in my life is opiates, and thats the one thats gotta
    go. Today I have taken all the supplaments, had a glass of kratom tea, and induced a day of sleep with Ambien. I have only been up for 3 hours of today, and am going to smoke a joint, take more vitamins, get some food down, take a few more Ambien and sleep. I will most likely continue this for the next few days so the worst will be over. Then I will remove the rest of the unhealthy components, save the Ambien for nights when PAWS is still present but I have a big day ahead.

    I am going to try and journal my experience daily so if I ever think it's harmless to take a few vicodin again I can see where I am gonna end up.

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  1. Siddsciencekidd
    You have the right idea. Im with you on this journey. Ive been on phentermine / addipex on and off for the past 7 years. In my experience the only reason for going back on is the dependancy to the stimulating effects...not to mention the significant weight gain while off of it. I always feel like I have gotten to the point where I can do it on my own without the crutch only to find the food cravings to come back with avengence. I am a female and I do eat my not funny really. Currently im off it, i weened off it like the dr said, but its been 2 weeks and like i said before i miss the stimulating effects the most. I hope and pray I dont gain the weight back and that I find a healthy alternative for the stimulation replacement. I find myself bored with lack of motivation and low desire to complete daily tasks. I have asked God to help me get through this so we will see where I end up. Btw what is Kratom?
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