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Posted 30-08-2015 at 17:29 by trippymindfuk

At this moment I feel a little better than I have in the past year or so. I have accepted that my life is in turmoil, and I know that things will get better one day. I have to see my probation officer in 2 days and if they piss me then I am going to jail.....I am only dirty for weed. They do not care what you fail for but it's not like I'm strung out on heroin or meth like the majority of people on probation/parole here. I am not even nervous about it. If it happens, it happens. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with things but it is what it is......my life would not be where it is if it weren't for the choices I have made. I forgive everyone that has done me wrong and also hope the people I've done wrong can forgive me. I have felt like I was crazy because I have gone through a lot of shit in the past few years and anyone I try...
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UK government response to legalization

Posted 26-08-2015 at 08:00 by Joe-(5-HTP)
Updated 26-08-2015 at 09:18 by Joe-(5-HTP)

There was recently a petition of the UK government to legalize cannabis. See the DF thread on that here. Because the petition received so many signatures, they may debate it in parliament.

However for now the government released a text response outlining the reasons for their opposition to cannabis legalization. I thought I'd go through their responses and explain why I disagree with them.

I'll first say that I'm at least somewhat impressed at the quality of their arguments. Drug legalization is clearly becoming an issue they feel more time needs to be dedicated towards. I do regard all their arguments as misguided but nonetheless I recognise they are engaging with the subject with a little bit more rigour and seriousness than they have in the past. Which isn't saying much is it.

I will take...
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An extreme but accurate analogy

Posted 25-08-2015 at 06:08 by Joe-(5-HTP)
Updated 25-08-2015 at 06:21 by Joe-(5-HTP)

Addicts of 'hard' drugs like heroin/meth/crack are often sufferers of abuse. Physical and sexual abuse leads to psychological trauma. When they use a drug, they feel comfort and satisfaction for perhaps even the first time in living memory. Also it finally allows their mind, albiet temporarily, escapism from the symptoms of their trauma.

Obviously this is a disastrous idea because addiction will only compound and exacerbate their issues in the long run, if it doesn't kill them. However, it's hard to see the validity in responding to this predicament by suggesting they should be incarcerated.

People like Peter Hitchens represent the view that drug addicts are not damaged vulnerable people but morally defective deserving of condemnation and incarceration. I do think we have the makings of a classic left (defend...
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the evolution of a man

Posted 15-08-2015 at 00:47 by Ophiuchus (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

Yes, St Dismas Novitiate has undergone a drastic change, and has become Ophiuchus. A small and simple explanation can be found in the thread "what does your screen name mean....?"

But as a famous man once said "Change is not inevitable, it is essential. Why fear it or fight it, when you can embrace it and move forward?"

More to come.
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Mistaken, my middle name

Posted 14-08-2015 at 22:28 by lonewolfjasmine
Updated 14-08-2015 at 22:51 by lonewolfjasmine

When I was 19 I thought I was was in love. His name was Michael. Fresh out of prison, covered in tattoos with eyes the color of a summer sky. I don't remember the first time he hit me but I remember the last time. This isn't the story of that last time however.
One particular memory of Michael and I replays itself often in my head. Mostly when I'm trying to sleep, sometimes when I'm alone and lonely. I stayed for 3 years and moved with him dozens of times between Kentucky and Indiana. When were always fighting and never seemed to have a place to securely lay our heads at night. When I told him how scared I was of him, how much he hurt me, how much I wanted to go home he would erupt in anger and threaten to kill my family. Knowing how much hatred he had in his heart I fully believed he would. I stopped asking to go home and just took...
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My Battle with Opiates

Posted 14-08-2015 at 19:00 by BeatOpiatesForGood
Updated 16-08-2015 at 22:19 by Phenoxide

My Story,
It all started with a broken back due to a Motocross accident in 2003, I been through 28 broken bones four surgery's before the broken back but never took Pain Meds for the Pain. I had to be on something for the broken back or I would never have gotten any sleep so the Doc gave me? of course! the all mighty Vicodin pills....UGH! Just saying it now makes me cringe. Any who From the Vicodin I slowly Graduated through the years from Vikes to Hydrocodone to Oxycodone to Oxycontin. 120Mg's of Oxycontin and 160Mg's of Oxycodone in 24 hour period is a hell of alot of Opiates!

This all took place from 2003 to March of this year 2015. How did I kick it?
I said to myself one day "How can such a small pill drive my life?" I was always protecting my pills so I wouldn't loose them, I was forced to put tasks...
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Life

Posted 10-08-2015 at 16:12 by trippymindfuk

Sometimes I feel like I have lost this battle called life. The love of my life is not with me and I miss her so much. I worry like crazy about her everyday. I have let so many people down and I always hurt the people that I love and the people that care about me. I feel unloved quite often and I have a huge void in my life. I don't know what it is and I try to be happy but it is so hard sometimes. I am in a rut and have been for years now. I know that drugs are not the best way to fill that void, but at least they provide a temporary relief. I need love and affection, I miss my woman so much! I feel like it is my fault that she is in the position she is in. She is 2 states away, depressed, and living with a man she hates.....I have a deep regret for a lot of the mistakes I have made in life, only for the simple fact that they have affected...
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Jaded

Posted 09-08-2015 at 09:46 by lonewolfjasmine

For as long as I can remember being alive, I've felt like a burden. Like I was not good enough. Like I didn't belong. I don't remember anyone ever saying that to me as a child or an adult. It's still a feeling I cannot shake. I try too hard with people and I bend over backwards. I give too many chances to those who don't deserve them. I go out of my way to make those around me feel good and comfortable and entertained. I put my needs on the back burner, always. I get walked on. I get let down. I get mistreated. For reasons unknown to me I feel like I deserve it. For the past few years I've been working on my heart. Making it stronger and making it colder. Making it hard. A soldier. My family has abandoned me. I gut it out with no real friends and every potential friend I meet is kept at an arms length. Is this reasonable on my part? No probably...
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Once Apon A Time

Posted 08-08-2015 at 18:50 by Ophiuchus (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

"Strange how paranoia can link up with reality now and then."-Phillip K. Dick, A Scanner Darkly

Once upon a time, there was a nation of people who believed everything they were told by their government.

When terrorists attacked the country and the government officials claimed to have been caught by surprise, the people believed them. And when the government passed massive new laws aimed at locking down the nation and opening the door to total government surveillance, the people believed it was done merely to keep them safe. The few who disagreed were labeled traitors.

When the government wages costly preemptive wars on foreign countries, insisting it was necessary to protect the nation, the citizens believed them. And when the government brought the weapons and tactics of war home to use against...
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Garbage

Posted 06-08-2015 at 21:11 by Ophiuchus (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

"take out the trash" was a command my mother shouted at me as a kid. Today, I stuff as much of it down the garbage disposal as I can, hit the on switch for a few seconds, and it all goes down the drain. The rest I wrap in a Wal-Mart bag, put it in the can out back, and once a week a big truck magically appears and hauls it away.

Why take out the garbage? Well, it is not worth keeping, and I don't want it to rot, stink, and spoil. it is a pity we cannot do the same thing for our minds: take out the garbage, and for the same reasons.

mind garbage is any negative, nasty thought you need to take out of your mind. It is anything not worth keeping and anything that spoils everything else in your mind and your heart. There are many kinds of garbage that find there way into your mind, but lets talk about the three...
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Sensory Deprivation and Benzo Withdrawal

Posted 25-07-2015 at 04:12 by chupamivergaguey

Male, 30s, ~160lb. When I went in for my first float I was in bad shape. I had detoxed from alcohol and other drugs and was just beginning the detox for benzodiazepines. My latest run went on for about six months of almost daily use of a variety of benzos and other drugs. Although benzo doses did increase during this period, they didn’t increase beyond anything therapeutic and even at the end I was only taking around 2mg of flubromazalam at night. I know this is vague but I can’t really give better details of how much of what I had in my system for a variety of reasons. I can only give a general timeframe of more or less daily use.


Having detoxed from alprazolam before, I assumed I was in for a good 10-14 days of anxiety, fear, insomnia, and another symptom that can only be described as “feeling turned inside out,” one...
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My Journey and where I am NOW

Posted 08-07-2015 at 20:47 by Jake.
Updated 31-07-2015 at 12:45 by Jake.

I just thought i'd write a blog entry on my personal history, drug use, and how I got to where I am now.

I started drinking at 14, the age I came out as Gay. This was not the reason however.

From 17-24 my drinking got heavier and heavier and I was an alcoholic, drinking 3 bottles of wine a day or 1 litre of spirits. I hated life, hated myself, and quit.

I used other forums and support network and didnt drink a drop for 4 years.

When I was 16 and left High School my eyes were opened to the world of drugs. I've done;

Benzos
MDMA
Heroin
Crack
Coke
LSD
Magic Mushrooms
Weed
Meth
GHB/L
Amyl Nitrate
You get the picture.......

I went to college, got a Bachelors Degree in Sociology...
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my pledge to play my part in preventing cyber bullying

Posted 30-06-2015 at 18:32 by detoxin momma

in this day and age,the kids have it much tougher than we did as kids.
cyberspace,how detrimental this can be on a developing personality.

these kids spend too much time online.social media especially.

in my home we allow no social media of any kind.we are a facebook,myspace,twitter,IG,or any other form out there,free home.

i am trying anyways.

i have an 11 year old daughter and a 9 year old son.
where theres a will theres a way.kids will find a way when they're determined enough.

i have caught my daughter on "KIK" against my wishes 3x now.this is a newer place for the kids to congregate.she lost her tablet for a month each time.and i set a pattern lock so that only i can open it now.

when the norm these days is to post and share...
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Spirituality's success in recovery from addiction, and why you dont need it.

Posted 25-06-2015 at 23:50 by Scloud90
Updated 25-06-2015 at 23:56 by Scloud90

I was writing a thesis on addiction and spirituality, or more accurately described as a half thesis/half brainstorm on how spiritual awakenings aid in recovery, and what the connection is in recovery and spirituality. The main point of interest is how spirituality offers the restoration of things lost in addiction, as most of the changes that occur are strong tenants of many types of spirituality and religious belief. Relationships, hope, time, community, happiness, conviction and belief are all major components of most religions. All of which are robbed of you in most cases, and all of which are necessary for recovery. From the enriched environment and community that alters the regulation of FOSB like proteins which is related to addiction, to the belief that your recovery is possible, and to alter your perception so that something bigger...
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Relapse

Posted 15-06-2015 at 13:23 by mr.M

I am such at the high end right now. I will probably sound weak and coward but I think I will relapse and sometimes I wanna relapse. I just want to stop feeling this fucking way.

I haven't used drugs as in abuse or for recreational purpouse in two years. Only codeine which I took once a week.

I've quitted 170mg of methadone exactly two years ago. Stimulants three years ago. I only took a reaseach chemical three weeks ago but was a small dose and it was more of a sedative slightly empathogenic than a stimulant. It wasn't like a real relapse because I didn't want it to do it the next day or any other day after.

I have used codeine and dihydrocodeine once a week.

If someone is reading this and dosen't suffer from OCD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and borderline personality disorder...
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Beautiful things and a pair of wings

Posted 29-05-2015 at 15:27 by LittleBabyNothing (Something about nothing.)

Yesterday was a strange day.Like a trip back in time.

I had to go to a little town where I and my husband once lived to collect some things from house where we lived.I had not been there for ages.We moved to this place from capital in hope to get rid of addiction, but opposite to our expectations, we just kept sinking further and further down.And carvings started,because allmoust everything in that town reminds me of using drugs,even landscapes I have not seen being clean,only stared at them while being high.

When I entered our room, it was quite a sad experience.I have forgotten how much we loved to surround oursevles with beautiful things- all these artworks,photographies, sculptures, instalations,good books and eastern style fabrics!But between all this layed used syringes, deformed spoons and cups (Some...
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Came across this article today, what do you all think?

Posted 26-05-2015 at 07:52 by ima.get.her.doee

http://teamwiseman.hubpages.com/hub/...ft--And-Demons
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Friends

Posted 16-05-2015 at 14:33 by Ophiuchus (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)
Updated 21-05-2015 at 17:33 by Ophiuchus

So, I was bouncing around here today and cleaning up some stuff, and I ended up on my profile page. While I was there, I started looking through my "friends" list, and I realized that there are a ton of people who are no longer around, or at least not much, any more.

Burnz, Iceflame, Bluebird21, The Joker, BaZING, and many many more have vanished. One hopes that it is merely a situation in which they have outgrown us and moved on to a happier and more productive and satisfying life.

But there are many, such as Al-k-mist, who have dropped out because of situations such as homelessness or financial upheavals. BaZING and his partner have moved and are quite happy in their new life.

I miss you all, and I wish I knew if you were OK and happy. If you read this, and you ever need anything I can help...
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How to meditate. 1

Posted 11-05-2015 at 11:37 by Scloud90
Updated 12-05-2015 at 03:57 by Scloud90

Theres more than one way to meditate, different means can result in the same conclusion. Its about mental preparation. Its kind of like drawing a blueprint, you're not actually building anything, but you are setting everything in place so you will be ready to construct that building.

1.. Most people cant be alone in their thoughts, an experiment showed that most people would rather inflict self harm and shock themselves than be alone and have to deal with their thoughts. You have to embrace your thoughts, and find pleasure out of the reward of self-discovery, regardless of how ugly it gets. There is ugly shit in your unconscious mind, accept that it is there, and that other people have it too. They are just so insecure they cant reveal the details to themselves, if they did they would be broken. Pride yourself in your ability...
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The Journey

Posted 07-05-2015 at 03:44 by Ophiuchus (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)
Updated 03-07-2015 at 05:45 by Ophiuchus

Well, here we are. As many of you might have noticed, I have been absent for awhile. But I was, quite frankly, an ass-hole long before I left.

Why? Well, that is a long and painful story. I have been dealing with some fairly severe emotional problems.

It sounds so simple when you say it like that....."emotional problems". Well, hang on to your hats! Because this journey has been one of pain, fear, and introspection. I have had to not only acknowledge the fact that I had become a thing that I hated, but I had to accept that fact as well.And then deal with the wreckage and consequences.

I am in my early 50's, and this tale started around age 7, so it will be a long story. Not something that I will be able to finish in one or even a dozen sittings, but I will relate everything here. And I will...
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10,000 profile views

Posted 02-05-2015 at 20:44 by Joe-(5-HTP)

This is a great day, not just for Joe, but for all of DF.

Joe has reached 10,000 profile views.

I'd like to commemorate this occasion by posing the question, why am I so popular?

How do I do it. What is it that I do?

All deep questions I'm sure people are eager to discuss.
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What is time?

Posted 23-04-2015 at 09:39 by NERO420

I talk for living. Which is ironic because I don't talk if I'm not working. So I'm falling back into my quiet tendencies again. Yet, I have a new pattern occurring. My mind is constantly working on many theories throughout the day. That I will be quiet for several days and then explode with communication. Keep in mind I am staying clean. Honestly I am. Everyone keeps telling me I am talking so fast they have a hard time understanding me. But I feel as I'm talking normally at a nice pace. So when I do slow my speach down I feel as tho I am talking ridiculously slow. But they tell me that is a normal speed. How can that be? I understand time is an illusion and relative to the observer. Is my mind really working that fast? Am I spiralling out theoretical control? I love to theorize and discuss deeper meanings to how life is.
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Is it just me?

Posted 19-04-2015 at 08:57 by NERO420

All my life I have struggled with addiction. Not always drugs. I get addicted and obsessed at times with ideas, thoughts, patterns and feelings. I have always been able to identify connections and reason how things come to be in my personal life. I realize drugs can be harmful if used for the wrong reasons or used to often. But I love the way my mind thinks on them. I truly am creative when using and my best work has always come during usage. Why is it everyone in my life wants me to stop? Do they not remember who I am without. I naturally have tendencies of being introverted. I am very quiet and shy. I never have any energy. I have no interest in anything. This is me before use. After I use I am so outgoing and proud to be different. I embrace everyone for who they are. Yet they forget that all major relationships were made both romantic...
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We accept the love we think we deserve (Thinking about addiction once more)

Posted 17-04-2015 at 12:50 by LittleBabyNothing (Something about nothing.)

Recently I have thought about it a lot. Especially after one conversation with my significant other when he confessed that there was a point when he thought that if I do not change after coming out of hospital,maybe it is time to end our relationship, no matter how much he loved me. But I changed and we are still togeather.That time I thought that I am harming only myself, I just could not accept that someone else cares of me and worries about me as well. Now I think I have been very egoistical and I guess it must have taken much to love me in my period of addiction, because I was constantly somewhere on the borderline of life and death,trying to commit a suicide, OD`ing, representing antisocial behaviour etc.I just did not care how much I hurted others.
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Sweet subtle Ms Tina

Posted 16-04-2015 at 10:05 by FrYingRyan

An elegant mistress that sweeps in, taking over. The whole time letting you think your the man in the relationship.
Before you know it, her elegance has left.
She's going on, to subdue another, and your left down the hole that you and her created..
It's only for you though.
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