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Open Up

Posted 22-01-2017 at 01:42 by Mick Mouse (The 10th Circle Of Hell)

Open that new calendar, turn the page, and begin your new year. Just as in opening the pages of a book, who really knows what the contents will contain?

Just what does "open" really mean for us? What do we open? What does it include? Familiar phrases or words such as "eyes wide open", "keep an open mind", "stay open to new ideas" all qualify as good examples of the concept.

When your eyes are wide open, you see more, possibly have a different insight into an old problem or situation. More light enters, perhaps improving your eyesight. When eyes open in the morning, decisions deliberated on difficult situations during the night may become clearer with the light of day. We may see more clearly now.

Keeping an open mind might require giving up a previously held position...
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More Quotes!

Posted 21-01-2017 at 22:43 by Mick Mouse (The 10th Circle Of Hell)

1. I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize!
2. Always borrow money from pessimists.....they never expect it back.
3. Half the people you know are below average.
4. 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. a conscious is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
7. a clear conscious is a sign of a bad memory.
8. All those people who believe in psychkinesis raise my hand.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10. How can you tell if you are out of invisible ink?
11. what is the speed of dark?
12.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
13. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
13. Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays...
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Parting for now, have a son, moving my core self my core beliefs to build on.

Posted 14-01-2017 at 08:33 by mastermind22
Updated 14-01-2017 at 20:46 by mastermind22

actually that's all bullshit fuck that. fuck priorities, fuck people who will get in your way and I did literally the opposite of title to be fair because I needed a picture, and fuck trying and fuck effort but yes still meet him why not actually leave get out alive were most are dead. and by objectification financial motives which are not bullshit become only meaning left out of who gives your birth and to who you give birth and whoever is source of bullshit gone nothing, however fucked prostitutes fuck if I'm going to complete birth family and alleged found family in addiction to that, were not good at birth control and really I would be person who wouldn't stab someone and call them a friend to wait to take from when financially better then because what a waste. But also fuck thief less violence, just less internal violence and same external...
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Did it long term stage.

Posted 03-01-2017 at 14:33 by mastermind22
Updated 14-01-2017 at 20:21 by mastermind22

wrong post deleted wrong post
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People are strange when you are stranger

Posted 31-12-2016 at 17:28 by LittleBabyNothing (The inglorious history of my own destruction)

Dohhh... Some people can really find things to be upset about. Offcourse that I most likely will tell you to fuck off if you call me in the middle if the night sounding totally drunk and spun out of your mind, asking for my adress and saying that you have a suprise for me and that you are coming over.And now this person plays victim to the absolutelly terrible me.I guess, majority of people would act the same if they were in my place. Life just never stops to confuse me with its ridiculousness. Whatever...

I keep still fighting. With no results, but I do hope that someday I will quit forever.
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Are Culture and Literature Inextricably Entwined?

Posted 23-12-2016 at 01:41 by ethereality (Cogitationa Scripta)

And can an author ever truly be endowed with the ability to "transcend his times”?

A text that had no connection whatever with the culture in which it was germinated would be unintelligible — and, I suspect, impossible. Either we are to suppose that the author is some sort of seer who has direct insight into some (supra-cultural) eternal truth; or that his book is written in a culture not his own; or that he is completely aloof from his own culture.

My father dismissed the first possibility, propounding the idea that eternal truths are mediated by our interpretation of them, which in turn is culturally influenced; but whilst I think that this is generally true, it is not necessarily true, and does not close the possibility entirely. What is necessarily true is that any such eternal truths, even if an author’s...
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Manic depression. Help me!

Posted 18-12-2016 at 17:31 by LittleBabyNothing (The inglorious history of my own destruction)
Updated 18-12-2016 at 22:10 by LittleBabyNothing

I do not know what to write. I feel like I am going to have one of my mixed episodes again. It is like doing a lot of very crazy stuff ( Like in normal manic episode, just except that these things are really bad and you are doing them in endless anger and fustration allways comstantly judging yourself)that are harmful for others witch you really can not controll and every single minute of your existence wanting to die and constantly judging yourelve. Even in that constant while when you are doing something, you hate yourself.
Drugs just solve them down.
I would like to end it all, but I have my significant other to whom I am not only the lover, but, despiting his popularity, his one and only true friend.I would like to die but I can not afford, hahahahahahahaha

Please, really, post your advice if you have...
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Struggling

Posted 18-12-2016 at 07:28 by Hideyourlies

There was a time when i wasnt an addict and i was sober never worried about things and was generally happy with age and shit happening i became depressed and upset and angry alot i would panic and drugs helped i started abusing them and using daily benzos and opiates and sleeping pills got them from friends stole them from family, plugged snorted smoked swallowed anything i could get, i finally kind of got myself together and pretty much only use kratom now and mostly only at night.

Come to present time tonight in particular and i want to use hard drugs ahain the urges are strong i feel depressed the kratom doesnt feel like enough i want hydrocodone and clonazepam or some ambien or something i feel like im falling apart i dont wanna go back to how i fekt before i felt so lost and i still do but not as bad i just wish i could...
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Myown private wonderland

Posted 17-12-2016 at 03:31 by LittleBabyNothing (The inglorious history of my own destruction)

Just one of those days when I want to stay permanently high for the rest of my life and never ever get clean again, when I prefer to stay in myown private wonderland and let the rest of the world leave me alone. Because I like the world this way much better.In the same time hating even idea of it.
But world wants me to participate in it.

I thought that I am doing better, but now I really doubt it. When I start, I just do not know how to stop and I want more, more, more.
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Mescaline Experience Reports

Posted 16-12-2016 at 13:02 by Budgetadvisoryservice

Here's something I just posted as an experience report, but I think it belongs here too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Budgetadvisoryservice View Post
I love San Pedro. A few weeks ago, a friend mentioned that he'd like to try tripping on it and I told him I'd be happy to help him with the process as it would be his first.

It all began in earnest when I went to pick him up to go to a party in a town about 350 kms from where I live. He showed me two lengths of San Pedro, about 45-50cm each and about 10cm in diameter. I told him that it would take a while to prepare and that it wouldn't really be practical to brew at a festival, but that we could bring the cactus along for a road trip.

The party was good, full of circus performers and such. I spent most of the weekend in the trees, hanging out with the birds more than in the party itself. My friend was intent
...
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When Will It End? But I Will Miss It.. Why Do We Have To Be Friends?

Posted 13-12-2016 at 00:11 by iwantsobriety

Crystal shoots two pistols into my chest.. but I still get no heart attack and I live and breathe crystal meth.. she will be my death. I want it to end because it's getting to expensive to take care of my health. And I have nothing to show for it.. because shit shitty dope from Mexico has me feeling pretty low. And even with that biker crank.. those days were the best.. but it's still crystal meth. You can shower three times a day if you wanted to.. that's what I do.. and I stay hydrated but in the end.. I see my life fading. Everyday.. and my heart is the one that is breaking. Sure, I might be hurting God.. because he is my creator.. but I am the one that lives in the fucking flesh.. so I have to deal with the mess. Tired of hurting my self physically and mentally.. I feel so lost and retarded. Everyone making fun of me.. it's not voices...
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Did I REALLY Just Do That?

Posted 09-12-2016 at 23:18 by Mick Mouse (The 10th Circle Of Hell)

."Work, work, work.....
Big pile of it
And the Boss is a jerk!"

So, having held a contract with the same small company for over 3 years, I was recently informed that the contract would not be renewed.

"Well, that sucks." I thought. So I asked what was going on, and was told that, while the quality of my work was excellent and that there was absolutely no problems there, the boss had developed a "personal problem" with me. WTF? Well, it seems that for the last 6 or 8 weeks that I did not respect him enough, I yelled at him, and I was "always questioning his decisions".

Oddly enough, that was all news to me! I am still not too sure how you can yell at someone and not be respectful, when 99.999% of all communication between the two of you is via text...
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Frustration

Posted 08-12-2016 at 17:52 by Bloodredsunsets

I am a writer. And to be considered a writer, obviously, one must write. That's why whenever I'm on a block and I run out of inspiration, I feel so useless.

It's not for a lack of ideas, because I have many. I guess it's a lack of motivation, or a lack of knowing how to portray these ideas in the best way. I try to just force myself to write in hopes that something decent can come out of it, but I hate doing that. Because it feels exactly like what it is: something that's forced. That's not art to me, art comes at the height of inspiration, when you feel the story in your bones and in your veins and in your heart. I also don't like writing for the sake of writing because it's never my best work and I know I can do better. However, part of trying to expand your craft and ideas is making yourself write when you don't want to....
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Letting Go, Setting Sail, Going Home

Posted 23-11-2016 at 17:02 by WashedCNDL

This one finds that as they continue their transition into Buddhism and a more sober life, there come a great many threads that bind them to various unhealthy behaviors and people.

This one wonders how DF may have influenced them negatively. Or perhaps informed them of the true dangers of some substances. This one feels immense fear at the prospect of letting go of so many attachments, big and small.

Potentially ending friendships and other relationships, deleting files, selling and donating possessions, practicing and meditating on the nature of impermanence and non-self. Cutting off the excess fat of life. Becoming a vegetarian.

There is a bizarre wish that more things has fallen. That there was a true "ground zero" as opposed to waking up amongst a pile of attachments, possessions...
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Swearing Off, Looking Forward

Posted 17-11-2016 at 04:14 by WashedCNDL

Having just been transferred out of another in-patient locked-unit stay and into a residential program...things have to stop, change, etc.

The Ketamine was my bottom. But drugs in general have become so problematic. At this point I feel I need to swear off cigarettes and alcohol, kick Ketamine and Nitrous to the curb. Take a few months of sobriety from cannabis and psychedelics. Well, maybe not the holy ganja...

Along with this transition to greater sobriety (or whatever you want to call this) I've been doing a fair amount of Buddhist studies, reading "The Heart of The Buddha's Teachings" by Thich Nhat Hanh. While inside I also read various Suttas translated by Soma Thera, The Removal of Distracting Thoughts, The Buddha's Charter of Free Inquiry, along with some other things. Great pieces that have...
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Trying to explain Trump's victory as 'racism' is why he won in the first place.

Posted 11-11-2016 at 08:26 by Joe-(5-HTP)
Updated 12-11-2016 at 00:14 by Joe-(5-HTP)

Trump clearly has many disgusting qualities. However I don't believe people voted for him because of them.

The reason he did so well is two reasons:

1- the so called 'democratic firewall' of states Clinton supposedly should have won were all states where there was a lot of industry jobs which moved abroad. Trumps message on trade against nafta and TPP hit home there.

2- Clinton failed to get the amount of votes from minorities that Obama did. She got 6 million votes less than obama did in 2012 overall. She simply failed. This was less of an endorsement of trump by white people than a failure of Clinton to get the minority turnout that Obama did.

States which previously went blue for Obama went red for Trump. Trump won 1% less of the white vote than Romney did. How can any of this...
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feeeeel freeee to post

Posted 10-11-2016 at 11:47 by noddygirl

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe-(5-HTP) View Post
Describing where 'alt right' is on the political spectrum doesnt explain what it is! Trump is certainly not to the right of fox news.

I think it's the attempt to disregard the genuine concerns people have as meaningless racism that is the actual reason people were driven to vote for trump in the first place.

Yet it's equally clear to me that no one is willing to learn from this mistake yet either. Everywhere I look, 'racism' is the word people people are using to explain this election.

They have failed to understand, just as they have failed to understand brexit. They don't want to understand. In a sad way it's comforting to believe you only lost because of racism, rather than having to acknowledge there is a considerable amount of people who have genuine concerns about being ignored and forgotten
...
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PSychosis. Inpatient. Release. Steps.

Posted 26-10-2016 at 23:53 by WashedCNDL

Guess who just got out of a short stay in the hospital?

And to a lesser (Read: deep sigh) extent planning a serious conversion to Buddhism. From being a rather devout Wiccan this is rather a serious theological change...also coming to terms with my own problems with addiction, substance abuse....the poly substance abuse especially.

As I sit in my apartment typing this the repeat test of reality pings in my brain. I question if I hint at schizophrenia or a constructed diagnosis of HPPD. Sometimes, I forget candles are just candles. Sometimes I forget my own bodily pains.

I struggle with this process of coping with legitimate pain and serious drug use and abuse. I'm planning to stay on a low dose of an anti-psychotic at least to just drag myself through the next few days, at least until I can see...
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You Know You Are Getting Older When.......

Posted 22-10-2016 at 17:50 by Mick Mouse (The 10th Circle Of Hell)

1. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
2. You feel like the morning after, and you didn't go anywhere the night before.
3. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
4. You can only burn the midnight oil until 9 O'clock.
5. The twinkle in your eyes is the sun hitting your bifocals.
6. Your back goes out more than you do.


Any more to add?
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On Science’s Ideology (or ideology’s science… idfk)

Posted 18-10-2016 at 21:47 by ethereality (Cogitationa Scripta)
Updated 18-10-2016 at 23:58 by ethereality

Since the early hours of today's morning, my housemate (in favour of) and I (verging on against) have been engaging in an ongoing (and rather tedious) back-and-forth argument concerning the possible link between ideology and science. Having responded as politely as one possibly can to such preposterous so-called “arguments” as the ones my housemate so brainlessly put forth, I’ve consequently been forced to repress a number of emotions, some of which I should now like to release through a cathartic avalanche of declamatory words. (Convoluted though this sounds, bear with me, for all will become clear.)

I’d like to start by pointing out that even if science *is* ideological, it is a hell of a lot less ideological than religion, because it is, at least, self-correcting. Of course, there are more than a few...
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Uhggggggg

Posted 09-10-2016 at 06:15 by Hideyourlies

Relapsed on kratom almost a week ago now itll be a week monday also using benzos and alcohol and i am in a dark place i feel like im an akward person that nobody likes my girlfriend is here but idk how long shell want to deal with my shit i just really feel insecure and i feel like nothing gets better why is it that i only get good days like once a week and even those days arent that great becAuse im just always tired and feel like such a dumbass i need to just get on antidepressants and give up the thought that i will one day get myself clean and happy with no help i feel like such an ugly person on the inside and its killing me right now
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Top Ten Reasons I LOVE Being Gay

Posted 02-10-2016 at 02:20 by Ibezinging

Im gay and proud of it!
10.
Appreciation for both sexes. It would go without saying that I find men attractive- but I can also appreciate attractive woman. Many straight men are less fortunate in the sense that even if they believe another man is good-looking- they wouldn't dare admit it. Being gay allows me to say "You're good-looking" to both guys and girls without having to worry what is thought of me.

(To be Continued )
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Just can't stay away!

Posted 30-09-2016 at 05:04 by Mick Mouse (The 10th Circle Of Hell)

Well, it has finally come to this, I just could not stay away. I took a little journey to "find myself" and, in doing so, I rediscovered.....life. Happiness. Satisfaction, even! I have come to terms with the death of The Dog. I will never get over her, but I understand why she had to go. I have even forgiven my Goddess for taking her! As if that is not hubris personified. Still have one Rotten Little Kitten left, but she has three "trainees", so it is assured that I will continue to be vexed by cats for quite some time to come.

it was all about death. Death of my friends, death of my trusted companions. The death of my feelings and finally, the death of my compassion. But death is not an end, it is a beginning. And I had forgotten that. I had forgotten that it is how you live that counts. Don't get me wrong,...
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9 months clean

Posted 29-09-2016 at 23:43 by luya

It's been a long time now. I've been depressed for even longer though, and every time I look back on my months of opiate abuse, it seems like the happiest time of my life. I know I was miserable, really. I look back and I feel like I was young and free back then. I'm newly 20 but I feel like my life is so much duller, and I dont have that spark in me anymore.
Everyone around me bores me, sometimes I see flashes of beauty in people and things, but it quickly burns out.

I had my ex back then; not quite a boyfriend or partner but someone who I imagined to love me or be in love with me, too complicated as a person to treat me nicely. What did it mean when he held on to my drugs? He risked it all for me? I finally found someone who loved me unconditionally

Being high allowed me to perpetuate these thoughts. I've...
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[] Day 26.. Chick Flicks and Candlesticks! HAHA []

Posted 18-09-2016 at 14:39 by iwantsobriety

**So I don't know if it let me post an update on my recovery in the Amphetamines R&A Journals section.. my internet connection is being a pain right now but here is an update to all my besties in this forum! I love you all and you guys are all awesome and it's good to have a place to call home.. I just miss coming on here as often as I used to.. so I do apologize if I don't update everyday but I'll be here on day 30 to post my 30 day sobriety.. it's coming up in 4 friggin' days I honestly feel like this is a dream.. and if so please don't wake me up hahaha


[] Day 26.. Chick Flicks and Candlesticks! []

Day 26.. Brad is still clean and sober you guys.. and gals! Only thing I am hating is obviously still lethargic at times and I take Modafinil mainly for work if needed.. 200mgs only once a day with...
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