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Drunken thoughts

Posted 21-11-2015 at 07:57 by Tryptomaniac

Fuck hangovers Kratom drinking starts now
I'm watching a show with my mom it's a sad show
My dog is my favorite thing I. The world
I work at 12 tommorrow ! Nooooooo
I want to go to bed
Why am I still awake?!!!
Make me go to sleeeeep!?!!!!!!
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Drunk and don't know how I feel

Posted 21-11-2015 at 05:48 by Tryptomaniac

Right now it's snowing pretty heavily and I'm building an igloo by myself.... It's extremely large and I probably won't beable to finish it in the next two days I hope I can though as I want a place to smoke this winter so I'm building it up big, I've also been shoveling, I'm pretty drunk right now and I'm continuing to drink, I have a little bit of sadness though /: idk what it is my best friend is going through a lot of shot right now and I feel lonely idk fuck haha by at the same time I'm happy idk what's wrong with me! I'm gonna finish this drink and work on the igloo a little more and then come in and have another drink and then work on it again and have another drink and then shovel again and then have another drink and then probably go to bed lol I work tommorrow at 12 I hope it will be a good day tommorrow! Mehhhh mehhhh mehhhhh I...
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P drugs i can think of at the moment that i want to try!!!

Posted 20-11-2015 at 08:05 by Tryptomaniac

1. LSD
2. DMT
3. Mescaline
4. Opium
5. Oxycodone
6. Heroin (smoked)
7. Hydromorphone
8. Oxymorphone
9. Fentanyl
10. 2C drugs
11. Xanax
12. Diazepam
13. Oxazepam
14. Extremely low dose rohypnol
15. Ketamine
16. PCP
17. High dose nitrous
18. Lunesta
19. Ayahuaska
20. MDA
21. Pure cocaine
22. Crack ( with no more than 1 Rock in possession to not over do it)
23. Methcathinone
24. 4-fma
25. Soma
26. Any barbituate
27. Gabapentin
28. Pregabalin
29. Weed edibles
30. Lsz
31. GHB
32. Khat
33. Demerol
34. Desoxyn (only way I'd try meth)
35. Librium
36. Methaqualone
37. Methadone
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Can't get fucked up enough

Posted 18-11-2015 at 05:26 by Tryptomaniac

I'm on tianeptine and alcohol and lorazepam and Kratom and I just want moreeeee uhgggg I'm soo happy though that I don't have any hard core drugs with me though or I'd be OD I'm too reckless /: I want to like IV DMT right now I want INTENSE.
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An apology, thanks, and, why not, an update.

Posted 18-11-2015 at 04:20 by Tinkerblah

I figure this is the best place for me to apologize for not following the forum rules. I let my spur of the moment ADHD trump the logic of checking Guidelines before my last stupid post. That's not an excuse. There are rules for a reason and I am glad they are enforced.

The ironic part is that I follow ALL rules set for me in rl. There is food for thought there, me thinks.

Anyhow, I shall be reading the forum rules and memorizing them! I probably should print them out, just in case!

Since I was last here, I did a lot of soul searching to try and figure out what had me spiraling into such a dark place. I finally realized that after a few years of trying to be in management when I knew I wouldn't like it was like trying to hammer a square peg in a round hole. I'm a doer not a watcher. Fortunately,...
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Dare You To Move....

Posted 17-11-2015 at 14:47 by detoxin momma
Updated 18-11-2015 at 14:48 by detoxin momma

Welcome to the planet. welcome to existence. Everyones here,everyone's here.
Everybodys watching you now.Everybody waits for you now.
What happens next? what happens next?

I dare you to move.I dare to move.
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move,I dare you to move,like today never happened.
Today never happened before.

Welcome to the fallout.Welcome to resistance. The tension is here,the tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be. Between how it is and how it should be.

I dare you to move. I dare you to move.
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor.
I dare you to move,like today never happened
Today never happened before.

Maybe redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where...
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30 "Little Things" that mean alot to kids.

Posted 17-11-2015 at 13:01 by detoxin momma

1. Wear that macaroni necklace to work.atleast until you're safely out the door.
2. Tape a family mantra or slogan to your refrigerator door.
3. Go for a walk with just one child.
4. Slip a note,(and occasional piece of chocolate) in her lunch box.
5. Build your own MineCraft world next to his.
6. say yes to something usually off limits.
7. Show as uch enthusiasm on amusement park rides as they do.
8. If you argue in front of your child,make sure they see you make up to.
9. When their room looks like a tornado swept threw it,close the door and be on with your day.
10. Skype or do face time with grandma every now and then.
11. If your child has given it a good try,but is still miserable and anxious and truly wants to quit the team,give them your blessing.
12. Go ahead,let your...
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Posted 14-11-2015 at 19:54 by NicoMc

Mini Update. Nothing really major. I messed up. And others are now finding out how deep she's going.

As I said in the previous post I was planning to give her some space. Not contact her for a bit. Well she changed her FB pic to a real poser one! So I msg'ed her taking the piss. All good, just wanted to talk with her about something OTHER than drugs.

Then she changed her FB to "Engaged to X"

Which prompted some of our mutual acquaintances to "WTF???" I called her and asked what her Dad thought. Still hadn't told him! Then she wanted to know our mutual acquaintances thought. (Mostly my friends more than hers) Why she cares what they think surprises me. They generally don't like her. She says she doesn't care what they think. Confused on that.

Some messaged me. I told...
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Posted 03-11-2015 at 20:53 by NicoMc
Updated 04-11-2015 at 22:34 by NicoMc

Update time. Actually not a bad one surprisingly.

Once again we met up for a chat. Then I went with her and ran some errands.

Inevitably the subject of drugs came up. I asked loads of leading questions to her about her useage generally. She was upfront with me.

She has a vague recollection of me calling her last week when she was high as a kite. That was day 1 of another 3 day "messy one" but she felt crappy afterwards. So she's decided to have a break from coke for a little while. Didn't mention any other drugs doing or not doing in that time. Apart from shes sick of fiancées place stinking of weed from him and the flatmate. Again a good sign. She's also got the hump about them leaving some of the drug stuff out and not tidying up generally. Shes not super keen on some of his drug mates either...
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Final Blog Post for a While

Posted 02-11-2015 at 02:14 by Pseudovoyager

This will be my final blog post for a while.

I attempted to write a Phenibut taper journal. It failed because on Monday I had a long bender, did some unspeakable things, and had my phenibut taken from me by a family member.

After a large amount of a stimulant drug and 3 days of no sleep, I suffered a gran mal seizure and severely mangled my face on a wooden floor. Vomit and hair pulled off of my head were later found at the scene. I would say this was roughly 26-28 hours with no Phenibut. I took Phenibut later and the seizures have stopped. I have no memory of the seizure to this day.

I can't do this on my own and will be entering medically assisted detox tomorrow. I wanted to put this up for others to see that the risk of seizures from Phenibut are very real. The danger is there. While I'm...
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Posted 31-10-2015 at 17:23 by NicoMc
Updated 31-10-2015 at 22:48 by NicoMc

A few days after seeing my friend I received a msg with a photo of her new ring on her finger. He didn't buy the one she really wanted. Paid less than half that. (hopefully the first signs of things cooling a bit) I was supportive to her about it. I'm still hoping this to fall apart. She can't keep bfs normally for long, regardles of whether they do drugs or not. Most last 6-8 weeks. Tried to call her, no answer. But got a txt hour later saying "out, cant talk" I replied I'd call her the next day.

I called her at lunchtime. She answered. (shortened)

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii NM" she sounded slurry. And really really happy
"you ok, I like the ring" I lied
"immmm soooooo high right now. I haven't slept since yesterday. been up allll night high as fuck"...
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Posted 31-10-2015 at 16:53 by NicoMc

1) I spoke to 1 of her clean friends last week as well. My friend is unaware of this since I asked for confidence. Just starting a dialogue between us. Didn't mention the drug use. But I'm thought I might need some help in the future. Just more of a "isn't she happy at the moment" (before I knew about specific things)

Then I found out from my friend that its not as good a bond as it once was. I'm not sure whether to get the other friend on board now or not. Things have seemingly deteriorated since the drug use started. And because this girl is not happy about the engagement it's a bit frosty. I am currently considering telling her friend to be more happy about the engagement, as we are probably the few that she knows who aren't addicted. I want "US" to be positive and "them" to be seen as negative....
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Posted 31-10-2015 at 16:53 by NicoMc

Update time. I swear this will feel like a film! But everything i'm about to write is true!!!

So I finally managed to meet up with my friend. What was planned as an hour at lunchtime became spending 5 hours with her. Which is the longest in ages. The friendship we have is still really strong. This WILL help in the future.

"Oh NM, (not my real name ) I have something to tell you"

I'm thinking maybe she's cut back on her own and I can be really happy. Err No!

"I'm engaged!" (after a 2 week romance! Remember I said falls in love easily!)
"Err ok, to who?"
"To X"
"Which one is that?"

So we have the long conversation, he has a job (pays well compared to her) but he is a proper addict (He's tried every drug...
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Posted 31-10-2015 at 16:52 by NicoMc

Well I'm going to try and update this sporadically. Hopefully others can get some benefit, or point out if I'm doing anything wrong. I find it cathartic to type. (If that breaks any forum rules can someone PM me) I can't really share this with any close friends. They all say run away from her

Messaged her and we arranged to meet for coffee. I'd told her previously I'd pay as she was skint. I don't want lack of funds preventing her coming. And I'll pay happily if it means I get couple hours to talk about everything. But as above, not bailing her out financially. She seemed happy to come, didn't have to convince her. 2 hours later and I literally got to the place we go to (near her house to try reduce risk of her not coming) and got the message. I knew what it would say. And so it did.

"I can't come, now I...
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I think I'm doing too much

Posted 31-10-2015 at 16:51 by NicoMc
Updated 04-11-2015 at 22:03 by NicoMc

"I think I'm doing too much"

This was said to me recently by a close friend of mine. But I'll give a bit of background first.

About a year ago, I became friends with a girl. Lovely girl, very attractive, maybe a touch naïve. Over time I found out her history. Absent Mother, real daddies girl as a result. Falls in love easily. Gets dumped a lot as she can't really pick winners. From a low income background. I'm sure some would call these her triggers. But ultimately happy go lucky generally. I would say she is not interested in me romantically. Just as a good friend. I'm probably one of the few guys she knows not trying to shag her and dump her!

Well she got fired from her job in the summer. So was sat at home bored trying to find work. And it was around this time her social group on Facebook...
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Phenibut Addiction: 30g/Day

Posted 19-10-2015 at 12:53 by Pseudovoyager

Two years ago I posted a whimpy little blog on a Phenibut taper. It was 8-10gs a day and I started tapering at 2g. Well, here I am a couple of years later. I resumed dosing Phenibut two months ago and have built to a 30-35g a day tolerance. This is a bit disheartening, but what can you do.

I've secured a large amount of Etizolam and dosed 5g this morning in preparation for what's to come and to gauge my tolerance level for tapering. Hopefully 5g was too high.

I will be posting here more consistently for three reasons: Accountability for myself, accountability from DF, and harm reduction and information for those out there that have gotten this far, which seem to be relatively few. I have to leave for work now so I will end this post here, but I will be checking in later with information for everyone.

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Meth accountability: week 1 summary

Posted 12-10-2015 at 09:18 by smooth_euphoria (Methamphetamine: the struggle for accountability)

Number of doses: 37 (0.37g) total; average of 5.2 doses/day
Number of days of abstinence: 1 (Saturday)
Hours of sleep: 44 hours total.
Nights without any sleep: 2

Number of orgasms: 21

Weight: 190.8 lbs

Number of gym sessions: 3
Number of yoga sessions: 3.5
Number of meditation sessions: 1
Number of piano sessions: 0

-Need to cut back on number of daily doses taken
-Nutrition and exercise were fine, but *need to sleep more*
-Way too much porn; too much wasted time, strain on dopamine and testosterone

Measurable goals for next week
-At most 30 doses total
-Get more sleep: 49 hours total. Skip no more than two nights.
-Fewer orgasms, obviously; at most 10 this...
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Shambala - Adventures in Utopia

Posted 03-10-2015 at 22:02 by welshlittlepony

At the start of the year (2015) I managed to get hold of a ticket the the Shambala festival held at a secret location in Northamptonshire. Couldnt wait!

After many months of waiting August bank holiday came around, bags packed, coach ticket for the shambala express sorted, head to Bristol where the coach pickup is expecting maybe 40 to 50 other people to be at the meet point, boy was I shocked, hundreds of Shambalans waiting to get on the 15 coaches waiting for us!

The spirit of the festival was alive on the way to the journey, ended up talking to a few people on the train who were going (I was flying solo at this festival) met up with more shambalans at Bristol train station. Everyone was so friendly, waiting for the coach I overheard someone saying they wanted a cup of tea, luckily for him i had plenty to spare!...
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Question about opioids and overdosing

Posted 25-09-2015 at 14:32 by SlothmanLA

Originally Posted by colossus750 View Post
I am very concerned about my health because of a breathing problem I've been having for a while now. The first time I noticed it was when I was taking hydrocodone to get high a few years ago. I'm an addict and I used to take too many at once. I remember when I took a lot, I would gasp for air when I was trying to go to sleep and it was really scary, like an anxiety attack. It's like my body forgot to breathe. When I was awake during the daytime, I would have similar symptoms and my body would twitch. Now, to this day I have similar problems even when I'm not taking opioids. I understand how a fatal overdose works, how the body feels so good it forgets to breathe and you become unconscious.

What I want to know is if you overdose on an opioid but survive, can you have permanent brain damage, permanent breathing problems,
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The hardest week of my life

Posted 22-09-2015 at 04:04 by trippymindfuk

I have just had the hardest week of my life. I became homeless, got in to a few arguments with my mom, got the cops called on me 3 times in 3 days.....got arrested once, which means that I violated my felony probation.....I had to stay in a shitty motel for 2 nights, then I stayed in a trap house for a few days where the cops were also called once over some dumb drama and I hid in the bathroom.....Oh, I also lost my job where I got into an argument with my mom and the cops showed up. I also slept outside one night. I am currently at my best friend's house. I have a warrant and can't stay here long so I am going to turn myself in next week. I have to do a year and a half to 2 years. I have got 14 months in on this charge so I know how to do time....This shit is nothing new, I'm tired of it....ready to get this charge out of the way and move...
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Letting The Rapid Thoughts Dissipate

Posted 19-09-2015 at 05:39 by Drugfreekid

Work in progress. There will be no focus other than fixing the problems that my negligence has caused.
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cultural relativism

Posted 16-09-2015 at 18:14 by Joe-(5-HTP)
Updated 16-09-2015 at 18:20 by Joe-(5-HTP)

Who are we to say our culture is better than anyone elses, you may ask. Well, it's part of my culture to think it's better than other people's culture. Who are you to say that my culture is wrong? I mean, that was the proposition we began with right..

It's bizarre to me that people who start walking down the relativist road nonetheless feel they have some sort of basis to judge that a certain culture, typically the aggressor in a struggle, is wrong. If you accept relativism, then there is no objective basis on which to say a culture, whether it is an aggressor or not, is wrong.

It's not even accurate to say that the aggressor is intellectually wrong for not accepting relativism. It's perfectly easy to accept that morality is relative depending on culture and still accept that part of your culture involves believing...
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with great power comes great responsability.

Posted 15-09-2015 at 05:48 by highlikeplanes

Snap back to reality.
Past 3 days have all been a hazy blur
Today was the first day of school and i didnt go. I had to sleep off the drugs and catch up on sleep
I sorta have motivation to go but..... all i really wanna do is meth and read and learn about everything and anything for the rest of my life, lol.
I know school is important though cause what else could you do with all the info acquired through self education ?
Nobodys going to take a high school drop-out seriously.
Therefore you must seek out the most best and biggest degree that you could possibly get , so that you will look important and 'smart' to the people of society.

Sucks doesnt it ? You could come up with something HUGE and people will ask, and your response will be... oh i have a degree in wikipedia and internet...
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Inspiring Books on Opioid Addiction/Recovery

Posted 12-09-2015 at 06:31 by TryingToGetRight

I'd love a copy the human brain and psychology behind the addiction truly intruiges the inner addict in new
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My Penis.

Posted 04-09-2015 at 01:25 by Mindless
Updated 04-09-2015 at 04:08 by Mindless (typo)

I'd like to talk to you about my penis. Come on, we've all seen a few and some of us have clapped eyes on more than others (you know who I'm taking to). So stop smirking like some Edwardian schoolchild and show this proud lexical unit the respect that is it's due.

When i was knee-high to a grasshopper's genitalia my Uncle Baldylocks said, "Mindless, when a man can say Penis without sniggering he's showing true spunk."

Old Baldy instilled in me a lifelong passion for sensible phallic discourse. I dedicate this blog to my tonsured penile prophet.

I rose around 4 a.m. this morning. Although urination cured that problem sleep evaded me; I had a pretty important interview to attend and was all a-quiver with anticipation. I decided to kill a couple of hours on the forum, before I know it I...
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